Does it get better?

MytruthNotyour · 2017-11-09T07:46:57+00:00

Why numb your feelings? TRP is not about becoming a robot.
-Thats why you meditate and try to understand yourself and your emotions.
-You lift to get discipline and get in shape (also to balance your hormones, ie out of depression)
-Learn about stoicism so you are in control of said emotions, not to surpress them.
Whaat you need to understand is that this is a process. Not some 3 month course you do and get on to express lane to awesome-ville. You dont eat like a world-class athlete in a day. It takes trial and error.
Cut the drinking. It only further spirals you into depression.
If there is 1 thing you NEED to do, its to cut drinking. And slowly work on binge
eating and fitness.
Dont try to do them all at once. You will fail. Like i said. its all about trial
and error. One step at a time. Have an endgoal in mind but make small steps
to get there. Not one huge leap.
Also if you could cut validation seeking from others so fast, everyone here would
already do it, this too is a step by step process to become your own point of happyness. Yes try new things. Find hobbies you like.
Im sure other people can give you good advice too.
Also you said you read 100 pages a day. But does it stick? better read 30 pages a day,
but what you read should be understood too. Not just skim over it.

zeussingh · 2017-11-09T11:45:54+00:00

Hope it helps :

Coming from a person who had 3 oneitis ( back to back ) each lasting around 3 years (last one ended this July) and with the same destructive tendencies at the end.

What i have learned (overall , but mostly after my last breakup, so yes the reality was always there, I was just not accepting it) :

1) There is no one. Coming from Tomassi and yes my own perception. If I could have 3 oneitis back to back (that clearly means there is no one). Plus the very idea of having a oneitis is one that keeps woman distant from you. More importantly being with just one woman is boring. You cant even appreciate the beauty of opposite sex, let alone make comparisons to know if she is good or not.

2) You perception shapes your world : I went from not having a single person in my life to love to having few dozen female in my life, random make outs/ONS, FWB and two plates at the moment. No GF ( on purpose), its development and smashing phase. The change in perception i had : 'I am an awesome person, the little bitches who doesnt have shit in there life except a pretty face doesnt stand anywhere compared to me. Its my life and i will decide how to live it. And i dont owe anyone any fucking thing. Any bitch who has the audacity to say no to me, doesnt ever get a yes from me' .

3) Sex and women are not the goals. Life is much much and much bigger than that. If you are tied by sex and women , you will never enjoy life. They are just the coffee shops that come alongside the road when you are on a journey to greatness. You just enjoy it for sometime and move on towards your journey, you dont just keep sitting at the fucking coffee shop.

4) I found a little more purpose in life. Its not for everyone. But i support a few underprivileged kids (not mine) financially , for study, nutrition and basic everyday necessities. What it did was give me a source telling me that even in the worst of times my life is still worth something. Helps not to give up on life.

5) I worked on and improved my skills which gives me the confidence that even if all shit goes wrong in life and its ripped to pieces, i can still remake it from scratch.

6) Everyone in your life is replaceable (maybe not parents ... well), so i stopped being dependent on any one person and started having more belief in myself. You get that when you have your shit together(women/sex/love doesnt come in that category). I now have much more people in life who can help me when the times are wrong. I dont have to rely on one single person. And even then i still rely on myself to find a way to get through any shit life throws at me. You are your own life, your own pillar ... Its not arrogance, its your fucking destiny.

Most of the changes above came through a period of 3.5 months. A lot of people have already told me, 'I look better' , 'There is something that is different about me', 'There is some sort of energy', 'You look happy and lively'. The people include, my friends, their girlfriends, my manager, Head HR of my company (yeah even she noticed), attendants of nearby grocery stores... you get the idea.

The changes i made : started hitting the gym (3 times a week), gained 3 kg of muscle (last oneitis had me loose 7kgs), upped my style (got new clothes, shoes, got rid of my glasses), made changes to my apartment ( for me and for guests ), learned game (well learning), read the whole sidebar(almost) and started applying, started giving very less fuck about people, found a wing and started going to clubs every weekend, became clear and direct in my intentions, joined a few meetups (public speaking, comfort crusher, laser tags, outdoor walks, singles in area, coffee and games), started holding value of my opinion more, started doing all the things that i kept on the bucket list waiting.....

And all this in 3.5 months

For you i would suggest furthermore : dont sit at home, go out meet new people, do new things, find a new hobby, practice meditation atleast 5 mins a day, fix a few things that you think are dragging you down, or you wish you could have, fix your posture/body language, cut out tv and porn.

You are living life at maybe 3-4% capacity. Imagine how it will be at 10% , 20% ,50%.

You have 24 hours in a day. You will be surprised on how much you can achieve if you really want to and put your mind to it.

So to answer your question : Yes it gets better ... and it starts with you taking the first step.

Sepean · 2017-11-09T09:52:33+00:00

There's no trick to it, outside of all the info you already have. It's like dieting, it's fucking easy to find out how you cut calories. But you have to do exercise the discipline and endure the hunger.

There's no magic trick, just stop feeling sorry for yourself and do what needs to be done. You need to make that decision and stick to it. Things will get better, and eventually they'll get awesome, if you just man the fuck up.

If you won't do that, then no advice can help you. Noone can give you an easy path.

empatheticapathetic · 2017-11-09T09:44:11+00:00

You stop giving a shit about your failures. And that allows you to succeed more because you simply don't give a fuck anymore.

You care too much. Everyone has their journey. Some people have an easy one. Some take a long Fucking time. Be realistic about what you want to achieve and how long it will take. Accepting that is the first step, one you've probably repeated countless times over.

Gulpandchoke · 2017-11-09T11:26:47+00:00

Watch Jordan Peterson.

The reason you're feeling like a failure is because alcohol is controlling you. This is the biggest red flag by far. It literally causes depression.

Keep going, good luck. Find some more "love"

SuperCrazy07 · 2017-11-09T08:08:20+00:00

A question and a comment:

How do you lift 6 times a week and not be strong?
Most of us have been in your situation (heartbreak). Especially if she's your first. There is a lot of hard core/cold internet advice for you - lift, spin plates, etc - which is TRUE...but, sometimes it doesn't speak to the in the moment suffering.

So, here goes, it'll get better. Do the things others advise, because it will actually get better. It's not a simple step - it's a process, but it WILL GET BETTER.

Best of luck.

cb993 · 2017-11-09T08:14:31+00:00

Read:

Meditations Enchiridion Letters from a stoic

Also lift

zuhbooze · 2017-11-09T08:30:45+00:00

As a former alcoholic (hence username) the biggest factor for improving your mental state and self esteem is to quit drinking. You'll feel better, you'll look better and you'll have more money, all from simply quitting. Supplement that with a better diet, exercise and meditation and you'll feel alive and wonder why you even drank in the first place.

CounterEarth · 2017-11-09T12:11:42+00:00

You say that you wish to be strong, so start meditating. Build up your mental strength as if it were any other muscle. Start performing stoic exercises like negative visualization. Practice mindfulness through an app like Headspace.

It's good that you're lifting, but it's not enough. You should be studying game and body language and looking to fine-tune your social skills. What are your hobbies? Do you spend time in nature? How is your diet? What is your daily routine like?

Read No More Mr Nice Guy if you're having problems with validation-seeking behavior. That book changed my life.

stacysmomlovesme · 2017-11-09T12:41:37+00:00

The lifting and reading is a good start. Add an excersize class. Group oriented. Martial Arts, Yoga, Cross fit whatver.

Start interacting with new people around a shared goal

WISE_TURD · 2017-11-09T15:09:09+00:00

One thing I'd like to add:

Get. Enough. Sleep.

Sleep has too many benefits to list, but they pertain to muscle recover, but more importantly, brain health and hormone balance. Your brain basically defragments information and helps you retain what you learned during the day.

There was a study where people juggled a soccer ball for 30 minutes all at once and another did 15 minutes one day, slept, and 15 minutes the day after. The second group showed much better improvement than the 30 minute group.

Getting to bed earlier is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Especially when coming to terms with something like a breakup. That's why sometimes "sleeping on it" will bring an answer to the surface.

Aim high, assuming you'll probably sleep less than that. Aim for 10 hours (but hit 9 and change) for a week. See how you feel. Aiming for 9 and hitting 8 and change is probably sufficient once you catch up.

Hope this helps, there's a lot of good advice here already.

max_peenor · 2017-11-09T15:17:58+00:00

excessive eating, binge drinking, prostitutes and wasting my life away on videogames

but I do not know how

Yeah, it's a total fucking mystery.

MattyAnon · 2017-11-09T18:16:22+00:00

My oneitis cut me off and i think about suicide. She was all I had.

You got dependent. Lesson learned I hope.

I read at least 100 pages everyday.

REad less, do more.

I try to go out everyday and do new things

Try.. or do?

I want someone to love me, but I know I must unplug this thought as it doesn't exist.

True love does not exist, but a certain amount of respect and affection can be had, and it's good. It's just not permanent or loyal like you wish it were.

I feel like I'm putting in effort and not seeing results. I want to quit and give up just as much as I want to be a man and handle my shit and take responsibility for my feelings and life.

Don't numb your feelings. Accept them and keep on going. Do whatever you can do, and keep doing it. Cut back on the distractions, and get on with DOING things. Meet people. Look the best you can. Do things. Be social. It will go wrong, it will go badly. But keep on going, because what's the alternative?

Start small. Do one thing. Then the next then the next, but one thing at once.

I feel like I'm putting in effort and not seeing results.

What effort? What lack of results? What do you want to happen exactly? Women, money, friends, happiness... what's not working? (Genuinely unclear from your post)

GreenPiller · 2017-11-09T07:59:24+00:00

I went through a suicidal phase a year ago after having a mental breakdown (injuries, creeping oneitis) I forced myself to go out but I also didn't push myself too far, I needed time to grieve. I usually watch Logan and Cowboy Bebop every time I'm down and I just cry my eyes out. Also try going to a psychologist to vent, I would've done it but I couldn't afford it at the time. Give yourself some time to forget the bad things, soon you'll get tired of crying and you'll make your life better like I did, burying your oneitis is not an easy thing, but you'll have to move on eventually just like every other adult in this world, there are people who lose their spouses, parents or kids and still manage to move on. Accepting the harsh realities of life is just part of growing up. Just my 2 cents.

cellphon · 2017-11-09T13:02:44+00:00

Absolutely cut the drinking. It affects your hormone profile big time and obviously has major effects in your mood.

If you're cutting its normal to feel more crummy than usual. Cutting is like light starvation mode.

[deleted] · 2017-11-09T14:04:51+00:00

https://illimitablemen.com/2014/05/08/the-suffering-of-the-lost-boys/amp/

https://illimitablemen.com/2015/10/22/how-to-be-happy/amp/

Mudpielol · 2017-11-09T14:44:04+00:00

There's no advancement without pain. Remember that, get used to it. Life will throw shit at you, no way around that. So, what you can control instead is how you deal with it. If you think you can't sink any lower and feel worse, well, that's good because the only way to go is up.

good luck.

Merica911 · 2017-11-09T16:12:41+00:00

I would say the number 1 thing to quit even over drinking is video games.

https://youtu.be/3qn10NAvZw0

Going out with you buddies and having a few drinks (don't drive) isn't bad and can actually be fun. And get rid all liquor in your house and only have 1 bottle of some cheap wine, you'll probably won't even drink it.

I really think you're mentally exhausted and video games will do that to you and for no good reason.

DadOnDabs · 2017-11-09T16:12:47+00:00

All those feelings are a great reminder of 1 thing. You're alive. That's something that in the grand scheme of the universe is pretty rare. You live in a time in our world where you can literally do anything you want (millionaire, space cadet, actor) if you ACTUALLY put in the work to do it.

As a start if say get some strong male bonds (friends) to fill that love void you have. I went through the same shit when I isolated myself for a while. The relationships you have with people are more important than anything else in this world except one thing. Your relationship with yourself is number 1. Learn to love yourself before anyone will learn to love you.

chasebandz01 · 2017-11-09T16:59:57+00:00

I’d read meditations by Marcus Aurelius or myth of Sisyphus by Camu. You need to develop a principled mind that supersedes your emotions. It’s honestly what makes men superior to women. You also need to develop a goal or “vision” by doing things. I can’t tell you what those things are, but traveling, working, reading help in the general direction. Having this in mind will subjugate your shifting emotional state to your principles.

Nothing changes if you chose to do nothing. Your life is finite and you will die someday.

Furthermore, women are in no shape or form the “answer.” You want to be in a position where they are simply a side effect of you pursuing your mission. Even when I was fucking a lot of girls constantly (late teens/early 20s), when I’d have moments alone to myself I still felt empty and unfulfilled because I had no goals or mission.

Luckylancer96 · 2017-11-09T18:40:14+00:00

I know that heavy feeling of being weak forever. It is terrible. Do what others say to get away from spiral. You can adopt a pet dog that gonna get killed soon from shelter. Do it if you need companion, validation and love but taking care of it is another problem.

I suggest you to cut from one of redpill stuff and fill it with dog caring. I think the strenght it will give can help more than other stuff in your unhappy state.

Dont find a too miserable dog, it should live at least 5 years xD

TrueFacets · 2017-11-13T15:51:16+00:00

Don't know if you will read this cuz im late but this is my experience:

What happen when you're in a shithole!

There is what I call a "Cascade of Consequences", meaning once you solve one problem another one arises and "tries" to drag you back. I give a list of cascading shit which can happen. Maybe some of the things will not happen at all and some may be "huge" walls. You have to deal with the stuff that arises in YOUR life.

1) you stop drinking. now you may feel depressed or bored while sitting alone before TV/PC. or maybe you cannot sleep well.

2) because bad sleep / depression you dont have energy to do what you wanna do. This is because your dopamine levels drop and you start thinking about your life and realize your fucked.

3) To fix this you cut out alcohol, caffeine, sugar and other dopamine boosting habits. this will reset your dopamine "levels". at the same time you start lifting. physical exhaustion and a "fixed" dopamine balance gets rid of depression and bad sleep.

4) Now you "feel" a bit better but you still hate your job and your room/living situation is still shit. So you need to fix that. But you kind of depend on your shit job which only pays the minimum. And you can't really bring home girls at 26 while living in you mom's basement. So you are inclined to slip back and knock youself out so you don't feel like your lonely and trapped in your basement.

5) Fixing Job and living environment is a huge task and needs skills and money and time. Now you would like to go out and enjoy life but you can't because your lonely and don't have those kind of friends. So you start cutting expenses and save money but its hard.

You have to somehow go through every step of the way. Know that after one problem another will arise, try to anticipate them before they emerge and deal with all of them, one at a time! Make a schedule and write down measurable goals!

Pabsmanhere · 2017-11-09T10:54:34+00:00

Real Time Relationships: Stephan molyneux

FrancoB42 · 2017-11-09T18:34:08+00:00

You’re quite a whiny bitch for someone who lifts and reads. You need more people and to go out more. Communicate. Make some friends. Get a social circle. It’ll help.

Title	Does it get better?
Author	Thebrokenwun
Upvotes	20
Comments	42
Date	November 9, 2017 6:57 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7brqap/does_it_get_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/does-it-get-better.117925 https://theredarchive.com/post/117925

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