Does the shitty feeling ever end?

Hitlers_Hairy_Anus · 2015-09-10T18:35:01+00:00

I have a very similar story. The 'ahHa' moment for me was when I realized I was actually happier at that point in my life than I had ever been with my ex wife. I had progressed in my career further than I thought ever possible. I was muscular and in the best shape I could be. I had time to focus on my furniture building and made some amazing pieces. That was about the two year mark.

It's easy to remember all of the great things in a relationship. Clearly there was a lot of bad as well, or you'd still be together. Don't let that picture you saw bother you, instead realize that she's cheating on him with the next guy she will move on to. It is a never ending cycle; that type doesn't change. I promise.

You just said that you have been doing great. You are still doing great. You just had a hiccup. What happens next is what makes you the man you are. Keep progressing and making yourself better. One day I promise you'll laugh about the feelings you are having right now. That day will be sooner than you think.

And if you are like me it still affects you so much because she was the woman you loved. The woman you chose to spend the rest of your life with. The woman you had plans to be great with. You still believed in the fairy tale. Just remember, the woman you thought she was isn't reality. Really look back at the relationship and the woman. Think about the bad stuff...all of it. Your eyes will eventually be opened. She cheated on you and you don't want that anywhere near the great life you have now.

I had to see my ex recently to give her documents I had filed during our marriage and I truly have no feelings for her. She is an ugly, unhappy woman hiding in the shell of the person she wants to be. For a split second I found myself actually feeling bad for her.

Keep your chin up man.

Myrpl · 2015-09-10T18:35:46+00:00

I may not have been married but I had oneitis and as I was browsing some social media the site decided to suggest her as a contact, and I was "fuck my life", with all the usual impulsive reactions.

Yet, one guy from this sub gave me the best solution: GFTOW, which means "go fuck ten other women". They don't have to be exactly 10 but you get the idea.

RedPillJax · 2015-09-10T18:36:09+00:00

Hey man, if it makes you feel any better - oneitis with an ex-wife is pretty much the worst oneitis I can see anyone having to get over. This wasn't some girl you fancied in high school, this is someone you had built a life with / around.

That said, certain feelings like that are going to come up, no matter what you do. Being RP isn't about not feeling things, it's about recognizing them for what they are and handling them before they get the chance to consume you.

You're allowed to feel a twinge of pain to see someone you thought you loved moving on with their lives. Appreciate it for what it is - a very long, difficult learning experience - and try to move on with making yourself happy, and becoming the sole source of your own validation and satisfaction like it sounds like you have been.

Also, have you been with other women? I find the more women in between an ex and present day, the less I find myself getting caught up in negative emotions related to them.

abdada · 2015-09-10T18:33:17+00:00

How do you come across photos of your ex?

flyers156 · 2015-09-11T03:59:49+00:00

Keep your chin up man. Best advice, keep on raising your SMV and plowing through women.

Luckily for me, my ex is an unattractive hog and was easy to give her the boot.

SkorchZang · 2015-09-11T10:36:34+00:00

I just ended up seeing a picture of my ex wife (oneitis, pedestaled) with the guy she was banging while we were still married and it just hit me in the gut like a suckerpunch.

This part of it never goes away. You've got to put yourself on a "zero that bitch mental diet". Nothing from her, nothing about her, nothing relating to her... After that, without any special effort, you'll start getting better when the info drip into your brain dries up and it can't find any new info.

The cravings to see SOMETHING about/from her are no joke when you first do this, so just expect that and crush them with a little discipline. When you first go on the "diet", your brain will be begging for anything, even another suckerpunch. That's the big clue right there, it's addicted and addled. Doesn't even matter that it's suffering and bad emotions, it still wants them and wants to perpetuate that whole part of you by using them.

It will starve and fall away if you do not permit that continuation to take place. Anytime you "slip up" and look at her FB or old emails from her or whatever, you will set yourself back. A few weeks or months progress lost, so it's really not in your interest to entertain those cravings for new information. Starve them out.

noobforlife · 2015-09-11T12:17:37+00:00

Embrace the suck. Realize there will be unhappy parts of your life and there will be nothing you or anyone can do to avoid them. Instead of trying to avoid it, embrace it and see it for what it is. A necessary part of life.

[deleted] · 2015-09-10T19:17:00+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Does the shitty feeling ever end?
Author	Hooyahz
Upvotes	13
Comments	20
Date	September 10, 2015 6:15 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3kfngk/does_the_shitty_feeling_ever_end/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/does-the-shitty-feeling-ever-end.153645 https://theredarchive.com/post/153645

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