Used to read the pill years ago. Took a break and relapsed in the hardest possible way. Met her in uni. We dated for a while. All was good. Started going too hard on her. Never giving comfort. I ended up abusing her and treating her very badly. She ended it with me and I became frantic. This is where my period of utter hell began. I would see her everywhere. We would constantly get together but she refused to have me back. I lost all spine. I lost myself. I would coil up into the foetal position every night and shake. It was different with this girl. I loved her like I’d never loved another girl. She was the one in my eyes. I know. She destroyed me. She broke me. She got with another guy in front of my face. I stalked her social media. I begged for her back constantly. We would get back for a few days before we fought and she cut me off. We both got with other people. That hurt me in a place that had never been touched before. I can still feel that dagger.

Trouble is, I relapsed once again yesterday and met up with her. Only this time she refused to sleep with me or even kiss me. She was callous and cruel, making my efforts even more frantic and desperate. I feel humiliated and suicidal and feel as if I helped her along the path of recovery so much more. Before we met up she was still very upset but I gave her all the power by confessing i still loved her. She has broken me. I have been dreaming of suicide all day and night. I want to more than anything. I can’t believe I’ve gotten to this stage of grief. I used to be so stoic and in control with women. I lament the loss of the future we could have had and I hate myself for being so weak when if Id just ignored her at the start she probably would have come back. It’s a learning experience but I need some guidance. I deleted her off social media and blocked her friends. I still have to see her nearly daily. How do I manage this? Be friendly? I need help. Im very fragile right now and am considering the worst.