Fighting oneitis in LTR

varrr · 2017-11-13T12:10:59+00:00

In my opinion becoming a beta provider is not a direct consequence of monogamy, although monogamy is a "risk factor" if you are the kind of person that tends to be codependent.

Let me say something that can be seen as controversial or offensive in this subreddit: I feel like this subreddit is full of young and confused males who are unable to mantain a healthy relationship in a mature and responsible way. They commit an inevitable mistake (developing codependency and, as you put it, become a girl's beta bitch), but they draw an erroneous conclusion from their experience, in my opinion. Instead of taking direct responsibility for the mistake of nurturing a disfunctional relationship, they flee from responsibility, avoid commitment alltogheter and take shelter in a hypergamous lifestyle that gives them a sort of instant gratification but rob them of some of the things that only a stable relationship can give.

Most people here will argue that a stable relationship will rob you of something, mainly your moral strength, and a transition to ALPHA super fuck god to BETA bitch is unavoidable. My opinion is that if you are a strong person with high energy and a strong moral fiber you can manage a LTR without becoming a bitch if you do your best to mantain high standards for you and your woman and never forget that a relationship is a temporary accomodation no matter the duration, 3 months or 30 years. Also, and this is the most important factor in my opinion,You should never forget that you and your woman are not a single entity. "A couple" is just a "semantic object", not a reality. The reality is 2 persons exchanging stuff in something similar to a business transacion.

Here's the thing: If you have nothing to put in a relationship, if you are "weak", the only thing you can put into the relationship is codependency and MONEY. And that is your BETA BUCKS. But if you have sexual and moral power, if you have the strength to put some work into the relationship, then you are able to participate in this transaction by putting yourself on the plate instad of your wallet. If you have an intrinsic value you don't need to be a bitch in a LTR, but you need to keep yourself in check and never "recline" on the relationship.

To summarize: a long term relationship can transform you in a beta bitch only if:

1 you are a beta bitch to begin with and you rely on the realtionship to compensate for your own weakness.

2: If your partner is weak and afraid and tries to siphon your energy (in any form) to make you codependent.

3: You and/or your partner are unable to mantain your/hers individuality and fall into the illusion that "two persons can be one person" by thinking that a couple is something more than a relationship. (one take the other for granted)

A realtionship can be successful if both partners put something on the table and they both are willing to mantain a state of constant conflict. This is achieved by mantaining a great deal of idividuality and by respecting the three laws of thermodynamics.

number123356 · 2017-11-13T12:01:15+00:00

You can have a LTR without having oneitis. This is hard and it is a slippery slope.

So first and foremost - you must always be in a frame and mindset where you can leave and never turn back.

From this there derive three rule:

Don't move in together. You need your space and time for your own projects.
Meet at her place - so you can leave and don't have to kick her out
Always hold a high level of SMV and dread

Remember it is always just your turn - so don't delude yourself into thinking that you have something special going there.

Becoming a beta bitch is your decision if a girl can make you her bitch, guess what...

Glowv2 · 2017-11-13T10:31:42+00:00

If spinning plates is time comsuming, then you are doing something wrong.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2017-11-13T12:33:04+00:00

except I'm starting to have oneitis for her.

How so?

BestSC86 · 2017-11-13T18:44:24+00:00

If you are in an LTR relationship you should be having some form of one-itis but that doesn't mean becoming a lazy, fat slob who slobbers all over this girl.

It simply means that though you are attractive enough to have other women, she has things which has made you choose her.....That means that she is special but she needs to earn that status and never take it for granted.

She continues to be those things which make you choose her and you continue to invest in her...she starts taking it for granted, acting differently or doing things which makes her not special any longer, you are gone.

A beta bitch are those dudes who let a girl run all over them, forgive them for anything they do, fear losing her and stay in the abusive relationship regardless of how shitty she behaves or hates him.

There is a big difference.

Nomfwic · 2017-11-13T13:31:26+00:00

Please elaborate on how spinning plates can be time consuming? I don't get it..

[deleted] · 2017-11-13T16:22:17+00:00

At three months it isn't a "LTR". The "LT" in LTR stand for "long-term". Three months isn't "long term".

mrHappyPotatoe · 2017-11-13T17:22:16+00:00

Fuck other girls and fast.

Scheme00 · 2017-11-13T18:07:40+00:00

In the book "no more mr nice guy," the solution for this is to forge strong MALE relationships and support groups with males that you always make time for. Make the men your source of connection and you will not fall into this trap. I have always fallen in so my next relationship I'm going to try this.

datshitcray69 · 2017-11-13T18:51:47+00:00

How are you feeling oneitus for her, what symptoms

MattyAnon · 2017-11-13T12:46:23+00:00

Is having side girls the only solution to not become a girl's beta bitch ? Or is there another way ?

Ideally side girls.

Or at least maintain the option.

LTR's suck.

Title	Fighting oneitis in LTR
Author	_ohnoes_
Upvotes	6
Comments	19
Date	November 13, 2017 10:22 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7cm8l1/fighting_oneitis_in_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/fighting-oneitis-in-ltr.118213 https://theredarchive.com/post/118213

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