My ex and I were getting along great, 4 years, virgin when I met her, cooks and weighs all my food and overall a perfect GF. The past month I lost a family member, lost $3000 day trading, had a bad birthday and it built up to me being a complete asshole to this girl and long story short I told her to get out of my house, she’s a horrible gf etc. She kept crying and called her parents (they live 8 hours away and came) when I woke up she was in tears, all her stuff was packed and she kept wanting to tell me goodbye but I wouldn’t speak to her, my anger wouldn’t let me. She left me a 3 page letter, a text on iMessage, Snapchat, Twitter, Kik pretty much saying how much she loved me and She’s sorry I didn’t love her back, to not cut her off completely, etc. I feel like shit because she did nothing wrong, she left the cell phone I gave her and that was that. She’s now 8 hours away, no way of me contacting her and I haven’t responded to any of the messages she left, the last words we said was “Please read the letter I left you” and I said “I’m good, goodbye now”

How do I get over this feeling? I feel that my beta behavior screwed up the best relationship I’ve had, and all her messages definitely made me feel like shit (probably her intention, who knows)

On one hand I just want her to call or text me to I can get over this feeling and on the other I want her back. She’s done nothing wrong but I don’t want to fuck up any chance of getting her back, how would I go about this?