TL;DR Girlfriend broke up with me and I'm mad at the little hardworking bitch I've become. The part below this tldr is mainly renting and me explaining hamstering why I'm acting like a bitch

I know this is a subreddit directed toward sexual strategy, but I feel that you guys can help me with this as it has been really fucking up my frame. This post could be better directed at howtonotgiveafuck, but I want your straight answers. No sugar coating.

Senior in high school, ranked in top 5, college soon, SAT and ACT tests soon, AP tests this year, tennis and a whole lot coming soon for me.

Knowing all of this, most days I don't think about it and go through out my day doing what I need to do. Most days at school (and even home) I start wondering how I'm going to do what I want to do in the future. If others can get diplomas and still not get jobs what makes me special? Will I score high enough on my MCAT tests to be accepted into a good medical school? Before I can think about that I need to ace my SAT and AP tests. Better start studying for that but then there are essays to write for classes and scholarships to apply for.

Last week I wasn't worrying about any of this because most of the time I was with my girl so I had no time to look lost in thought and worried so I kept my playful carefree state of mind active.

When we broke up I started thinking of my future and not ours (just in case, you know). I'm lying to my self. I was hoping she would stick around and life would be easy. Having ass on demand while working on school work and shit. Possibility for this blossoming into something nice later down (we were planning on going to the same college)

Anyway, since the breakup woke me up and threw me back in reality where I'm turning 18 in a few months and no solid plan for my future aside from go to community college, university then med school. Actually I think it was the break up that upset me. A third of me was saying "how could this happen to me"?, the other third saying "That's what you get fool. You started getting too emotionally invested and here you are typing all of this", and the last third is saying "Oh, I wasn't good enough? Fuck you too then" (the main reason I'm working so hard in class.

With this being said I get home from school and tennis practice then work on all my homework as quickly as possible. I finish week long projects in a couple of days. What do I do after all of this? Check her Facebook, Instagram, check my Kik and Snapchat. Fucking pathetic I know. After that I browse theredpill, asktrp and alreadyred trying to find that one post that will help me change my life and stop doing this.

The answer isn't out there, but in me. For the life of me I can't find out what it is though. It's good that I'm doing all of this shit now, but it's all for the wrong reasons. I'm doing it, not because I want to, but because I wan't her to see me and go "damn. He's doing great things with his life. Maybe I shouldn't have left him."

It's fucking stupid, fucking pathetic, but I'll be honest, it's why I'm going so ham now. That's what I want to change. I want to do this for myself, not for revenge by living a better life. During lunch I would normally be chilling with my bros but instead I'm outside doing pull ups and running. We're working in groups in class and I'm the only one not joking and having a good time. I've become too serious and a kill joy according to them.

It's not that she took my happiness and gave me anger, it's the fact that I let her that I'm troubled with. I care too much on trying to impress her that I'm her fucking bitch now. She's off doing what ever and I'm here trying to get revenge by becoming better.

Most days I feel like http://youtu.be/mt8jifKlbTc and other days I feel like http://youtu.be/7Ia9j5yL_s0

I just want to have my peace back like when I was 12-15 playing yugioh and Pokémon not giving a fuck about anything else but here I am played by a girl because I ignored obvious signs, no time to waste playing games, mixed emotions teetering between sadness and anger, and I still don't have a fucking clue on what adults do as I'm about to become one soon.