Help navigating a LTR that went from her cheating to being an open relationship

Red-Zen · 2015-05-11T21:44:50+00:00

About two months ago, my girlfriend and mother of my child cheated with a coworker

Next.

Two months ago, she claimed things were so bad between us (constant verbal arguments) that she wasn't sure if she was in love with me

Next.

She explained that in her opinion, she has room to care for two people.

Which would be wonderful except for the cheating.

You're cuckold. Accept it. Do you wanna stay that way? Are you even sure that the kid is yours?

K. Here's what you do. Have your "open relationship." Go out and fuck a dozen other women while she rides 100 other cocks. Congrats, now the only thing the two of you have in common is "your" child. Just like every other divorced couple.

Infidelity from a woman is inexcusable. Hard next.

fnordsnord · 2015-05-11T22:40:00+00:00

I've seen poly relationships work. Most RP guys think they are insane, and very very RP guys are up for them.

Because for every pair of panties you can get to drop for you, the woman can get a hundred cocks.

Poly starts looking unfair pretty quick.

Here's another fact: Most women are looking for "the One." Guess what? A poly guy can't supply that. So the number of women looking to date a guy in another relationship is pretty fucking small.

Poly can be made to work, but I don't recommend it to most people.

Start with a paternity test. Confirm the boy is yours. If he is, your choices are going to be tougher. In the meantime, stop sexing her up. Hunt for sex elsewhere. Get yourself some emotional distance so you can rationally consider your options.

Because "She can't help her feelings," you're going to have to decide if you are willing to share her.

redpilldude · 2015-05-11T21:21:29+00:00

She cheated on you with another guy, and she thinks that she can care for two people. Sounds like she is poly. Definitely next.

abdada · 2015-05-11T22:00:25+00:00

Paternity test.

jons_throwaway · 2015-05-12T12:59:27+00:00

Dude really. Gtfo.

despoticVeracity · 2015-05-13T04:22:38+00:00

This reads like some /r/relationships shit. You know what that tells me? It tells that you haven't read the sidebar or lurked. Once you do, you can answer almost every /r/relationships issue easily.

About two months ago, my girlfriend and mother of my child cheated with a coworker, until I found out through her text messages. 1. You weren't attractive enough, otherwise she wouldn't have cheated. 2. Your attractiveness is now forever dead to her if you forgive her, as she'll have committed the cardinal sin of relationships and gotten off scott-free.

she didn't mean for it to happen but that she couldn't control her feelings now Rationalisation is spinning into overdrive. She didn't MEAN to fuck him. Her FEELINGS took over her body and MADE HER meet up with him behind your back. As an aside, this renders any apology moot, as she doesn't even accept responsibility.

She explained understanding if I walked out of her life, but that she didn't want to lose anything, and had started catching serious feelings for this person. She explained that in her opinion, she has room to care for two people. Translation: "I'm going to keep fucking him, because he's better than you. You can stay if you want." This is classic plating behaviour. She is so confident that she holds the power, and in your desire to stay, that she'll position you up to become one of her plates.

I've gone through a month of thinking about this It does not take a month to find a divorce attorney.

We have gone from completely having a dead bedroom, to having sex several times a week, actually communicating more openly than ever, etc. 1. You had a dead bedroom. She didn't find you attractive in the past. 2. You have only lowered your attractiveness by being a complete fucking pushover. 3. So why is she putting out? Apology-sex. It's the same pattern. She wants some more commitment from you, so she puts out. Once she has that again, expect it to dry up. If she wanted sex with you, she'd have gone to you, not her co-worker. 4. The open communications? Does this involve you feeling-vomiting at her?

This coworker has moved several hours away, but still comes to visit regularly. You fucking spineless cuck. Her coworker, who she's been fucking behind your back, still comes to visit. I'm not even going to articulate all the ways you've fucked up here. Your spine is her necklace. Your microscopic balls are her earrings. Your dignity is what she uses to wipe another man's semen off her face.

Two months ago, she claimed things were so bad between us (constant verbal arguments) that she wasn't sure if she was in love with me, to slowly telling me that she values me more than that relationship, and that she doesn't want to lose me if things are good. Here's how this should be going down. She should be grovelling at your feet to even talk to her. Instead, she's weighing up which relationship she prefers right in front of you. This is just depressing. Firstly, she's just saying that to keep you around. You're convenient. Secondly, even if she does eventually decide that she prefers you to her affair partner (and make no mistake -- she wants your security, not your sex), why the fuck would you want her back?

I want to make this work honestly. I'm just not sure where it goes or how I maintain alpha if this just continues indefinitely. Oh no, my friend. You don't get to 'anything' alpha. Not maintain, not become, not even consider. You have dropped to negative-level of respect. You have nothing.

I have ignored this other man, and placed most of the blame on her, as she is the one who I feel betrayed me. I don't think you get it. Blaming her for the infidelity is good. But you aren't; you're still with her. You blame her by dropping her entirely, not by staying with her. Furthermore, blaming her doesn't mean you ignore the CONTINUED PRESENCE OF THE AFFAIR PARTNER IN YOUR LIVES.

But I would be lying if I said I don't want her to eventually end things with him. This hurts to read. You say that sentence like it's a clandestine secret or a forlorn hope for the distant future. You're resigned to your wife unabashedly fucking another man and staying in 'touch' with him. (And, face facts: If he's driving to see her and she cheated on you in the past? They're fucking.)

Regardless of how cut and dry these things usually are, she's been putting work into this too and everything keeps coming back stronger than before it left. She is fairly open about what they say to one another when I ask, the sex, etc. Are you a cuck? Do you enjoy hearing about how your wife fucked another man? If so, /r/cuckold is your thing. Back in normal-person land, the solution to an affair isn't to ask about everything that happened and get play-by-plays of their fucking conversation. You just drop her.

I've had trouble figuring out what to do if i indeed stay and don't walk. If you don't walk, you never come back to trp. The lifestyle advocated here is the antithesis of what you're pursuing.

evilquesadilla · 2015-05-11T22:06:58+00:00

She's nicer to you now not because you are more important to her, or more attractive to her, but because she knows she screwed up, and this is what she thinks she needs to do to keep you around.

Well, are you ok with open relationship? What would be the mental and psychological impact an open relationship will have on your kid?

Without your kid, if you're into it, do the open relationship thing. Why not. That means you can go out and sleep around with other women. Sounds pretty good to me. Although I have a feeling as soon as you do that she'll suddenly change her mind.

But with a kid, it may have negative psychological imacts that you'll have to consider.

Title	Help navigating a LTR that went from her cheating to being an open relationship
Author	bluepidone
Upvotes	0
Comments	9
Date	May 11, 2015 8:30 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/35mw18/help_navigating_a_ltr_that_went_from_her_cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/help-navigating-a-ltr-that-went-from-her-cheating.148865 https://theredarchive.com/post/148865

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