Help Needed! Date tonight...!

AlphaAsFAQ · 2014-08-18T03:00:59+00:00

Well at least you are aware of your shortcomings in things like text game, that's a good start. Having said that, the next step is to act on where you already see a weakness instead of laughing it off as just something you do.

When you go on your date, forget that she is "the best looking girl" or "a doctor". It's her privilege to be on a date with you. Make her work for your attention and don't let her get away with anything. You also seem like quite a chatty person, pull that back in a bit. What you are saying might be interesting to you but if you are babbling on about the history of Scotland's fight for freedom because it's a current event, relevant to you and "fascinating", she is probably wanting to gfto. Let her do all the talking.

"You didn't make me feel insecure enough"

Your mate has this dead on. This does not mean call her fat or anything like that. It means she cannot think that you more into her than she is into you.

Subtly integrating RP behaviour into your life is a very long process, you cannot do it in one afternoon. For now, just be aware that it exists and have fun on your date mate!

asd1100 · 2014-08-18T09:30:57+00:00

Dude, that was hard to read-

Are you atractive(don't btoher answering, look in the mirror and ask yourself if you'd go gay for you). Then stop it with this shit:

in fact a couple of days ago I was considering cancelling the date and giving her the reason that I felt there was no way she'd be into me, so lets not waste our time etc... before you say anything, I know!!! - massively Beta!!! So I didn't do that - and I want to try and use this opportunity to start practicing more RP behaviour.

She is an adult, don't decide in her place if she wants you or not.

Another Beta thing I was doing was sending these long texts, short essays really...(cringing as I write this!)... she was replying with equal length, but I sensed her interest slipping away more and more..

important distinction, you need to be less needy than her, you stories should always be more fun than her stories and her stories should always be more emotionally charged than yours. (if you want to cuddle with a girl while telling her how the principle fingered your asshole, get a hooker like a normal man)

So it's making me think she would really respond to a touch of RP!!

yes she would, but she is not dating you for your redness, she is dating your for the meticulous beta provider you can be, just slip in some dominance from time to time(don't tell her the details, just tell her: trust me)

which is generally being kind and funny and trying to have a great conversation and show what a nice guy I am.. again - I KNOW!!!

there is absolutely nothing wrong with :eing kind and funny and trying to have a great conversation. You fuck up when you expect less from your parner, it's not a one man show, "punish" for being passive, point out when she isn't doing her part to keeps things interesting(this is a bit more red, but if she doesn't respond then you are just a entertainer in her eyes, you are not closing that one)

I can't suddenly act in a way that I'd be extremely uncomfortable doing,

"I just wasn't feeling the right kind of chemistry" text afterwards..!

your pussy persona is not desirable, youn't keep your non confrontasional, non risk taking behavior and expect a chick to want to bang you. That is both moronic and oxymoronic(sorry could not help it, I've been saving that one for a long time)

he said it really means "You didn't make me feel insecure enough"...! If I could mix in several points where I can do/say RP things, knock her off her guard and keep reviving her interest, then I feel like it could help change things, and if anything else it would be great practice!

that depends, that only works if you are stable enough to grab onto when she gets unbalanced, if you are just as wobly or more so than her, you just come of as angry and resentfull of her stability.

not used to being succint!

learn to: event, intent and consequence

the thing it the date is tmrw night and so I could really use some help fast!

It's like saying you have a road trip tomorow and you need to learn to build a car until then. It's not going to happen.

You are just to needy, you are desperate for this date to go well and that stinks. The only fast acting reasonably effective advice I can give you is to enjoy yourself, have fun and she will also have fun. Women mirror emotions. Do whatever you have to to enjoy yourself.

RedPillington · 2014-08-18T02:59:06+00:00

which is generally being kind and funny and trying to have a great conversation and show what a nice guy I am

you can be kind, just don't be overly concerned with whether or not you're well-received. be kind (like a king is kind) and let her do the other half of the fucking work. be funny, but don't make sure you only make references she will get. just have a great conversation because fuck it, that's a more fun time than having a shitty conversation.

don't focus so much on tempering your impulse to treat her as royalty, rather, focus on recognizing and actualizing that you are royalty as well. you are a king, and she has to prove herself to you. this doesn't mean you shouldn't treat her well, but make sure you are respecting yourself. you are the fucking king. what are you if you don't find a mate? a king without an heir. what is she if she doesn't find someone? a spinster. i know which one i'd rather be, and i doubt you will find any women who disagree with me.

"I just wasn't feeling the right kind of chemistry" text afterwards..!

haha, yeah. i had a girl tell me she wasn't feeling the chemistry, and i told her i agreed. then we hung out again and i pulled her hair and played with her ass. the thing you think is the message you are supposed to be receiving from women is not the message. their words are a decoy half the time. sometimes it's conscious, sometimes it's not.

the thing about your text game is that if you start to get frustrated with how it's going, cut communication for at least 24 hours. it's better than anything you could possibly do to salvage it.

anyway, you seem fine. however:

I've got a date tmrw night with the best looking girl of the current bunch that I've been chatting to

nope. you are just getting your sea legs, and this is practice. good practice, but practice nonetheless. if you are at the same place in your development as it sounds like you are based on my experience, this bitch is mediocre compared to what you can land. say and do things without thinking. joyfully accept any and all accusations leveled at you. try shit you're not sure will work.

there is no time like the present, and i commend you for making the effort. go have fun. and if it's boring, go to a bar and talk to some random lady or a drunk guy about your shitty fucking date.

EDIT: i don't completely disagree that you should let her do most of the talking, but i also think rooshv's "ramble" he covers in day bang is very useful for generating fun and a certain basic level of comfort for her. TL;DR: you just talk excitedly about stupid shit and make it as colorful as possible with varied vocal tonality.

SkorchZang · 2014-08-18T03:43:36+00:00

I guess it's this fact that seems to automatically activate RP behaviour in me as I'm not at all invested in them..?!

Yeah, you see that time and time again. Guy seemingly has good game, lays chicks left and right... meets The One, comes totally undone, becomes her drooling lap dog despite himself, and she soon leaves/cheats on him in disgust.

The true measure of good game is how consistent you are at treating all women the same. Even your own Mom!

if I should even bother seeing her

I say it's always worth a quick 30min coffee or drinks date. If nothing else, just for the practice. Never pay for fancy dinners or other expensive princess treatment for women you aren't already fucking.

giving her the reason that I felt there was no way she'd be into me, so lets not waste our time etc

Might as well put on a fedora hat right now and make her a vid where you say "m'lady, thou art a goddess, and too good for a lowly peasant such as I...". Huge blue pill mistake, if you do that. But dude even if you don't say it, she can sense this supplicating attitude, so can every other girl you "actually like". Women do not like to be up on the false pedestal, if you give her to understand you think she's too good for you, then guess what. She's going to think "thats right I AM too good for this guy...pfwwwoah". That was the sound of your number being chucked out her car window.

Never disqualify yourself for a woman. Let HER decide why she won't fuck you, never willingly help her one bit. When in doubt, err more on the side of the arrogant jerk, you can't go wrong that way. There's no such thing as too cocky or too manly.

Long text... huge no-no again. I did this too, esp. in emotional breakups... Write her "War and Peace". One girl actually posted that to her FB after "ugh, War and Peace again from my ex". Slowly, you start to get a clue. Cut that fucking shit out. It is not masculine, it is not cute, and it is not even smart of you & me to be doing that.

So it's making me think she would really respond to a touch of RP!!

All women respond to "the touch" you're talking about. There's no need to check and see if she's "one of those". All women are like that.

Btw, with future women, when she asks "so where are we going Thurs?" - your reply should be a cheeky "none of your business babe" or simply "oh you'll see..."; you plan everything AND refuse to telegraph your moves to her. They absolutely eat it up, and you don't even have to do anything, they drive themselves wild wondering about shit in the days leading up to the date. Plus you wouldn't believe how much pleasure it gives the woman, to tell her gf Judy about "this guy" who wouldn't even say where's taking her and is, like, sooo mysterious and cool. Judy will be all "omg, make sure you phone me I'll be kinda worried..." or some BS like that, and they will exchange looks. In those looks Judy will betray just how jealous she is, to your woman's immense pleasure & satisfaction. Little things, man. Going a long way for you.

it really means "You didn't make me feel insecure enough".

Listen to your buddy, he knows what's up. Pretty much spot on. You don't ever want the woman to be all comfortable, happy, and safe. You need to be the loveable villain...a slight menace to society... yet, you make no secret of the fact that you wanna fuck her brains out in the most delciious ways imaginable.

We could talk all day about what you need to do, the problem is it's 90% nonverbal. So much better to see it once, then build your new frame up, from there. It's an exciting process, and a lot more like "letting go" of all the bullshit you're used to than really doing something new. This stuff is not magic or anything like that, it's your birthright, man. One that has been, sadly, hidden away from you and made taboo.

"Top 10 Mistakes Intelligent Men Make With Women | James Social Coach | Full Length HD " https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qigOUdAOyRs

Here's a video where some lanky asshole does a great job of showing you just how it's done. If he can do it, so fucking can you, so watch that and take some notes. Have fun on the date dude!

cascadecombo · 2014-08-18T04:02:08+00:00

I KNOW!!! Hugely beta,

That became very annoying to read very fast, people here understand that, and don't need to be reassured you do.

Anyways if you are still learning, chances are you will come off as awkward or just straight up fail the first few times, if you're the average person who is trying to change how he acts.

The biggest thing is just go to have fun, as in, be outcome independent. Of course be in control, and lead, don't be forceful, but know what you are doing and if you fuck up, keep going and don't give two shits about it. Also, don't feel the need to always talk. Silence can be golden and it may push her to initiate conversation again.

[deleted] · 2014-08-18T06:18:37+00:00

"ok. we're going to XXX restaurant, XX Street, postcode XXX. I booked a table for 7.30."

her (instant) reply - "Perfect. Meticulous planning :) See you tomorrow! x"

Textbook. Good job! It doesn't sound spectacular, but this stuff is the first step away from betaness. I like u/SkorchZang's approach to make it even more interesting, but I think you have come a long way from "where do you want to go? Everything would be fine! You don't know? Well...we could go to place xy, but the place is often crowded. Is that a problem for you? No? Good let's go there. When do you want to go? Oh and is it really ok for you to go there? We could go someplace else.."

Now keep in mind that you have established frame as a leader. Follow through with that! You finished your dinner at the restaurant? What now? Don't fall back into beta mode. Do exactly the same as you did when you planned the dinner. No: "What do you want to do now? Please make suggestions! I have no idea where to take this and I am too afraid to ask if we should go to my place. So I hope that maybe you suggest that we go to your place."

Remember her positive reaction to you taking the lead when in doubt.

And another quick tip you could use:

Keep in mind that she will talk with her friends about the date. Imagine her and the girls laughing and giggling.

She wants to have something to tell them. Act accordingly. Give her something to tell the girls.

Do you want her to only be able to say: "I guess he is nice. We talked a lot. The food was great." And the girls: "We want to know more!! What happened?? Did you kiss?? Did he take you home???" "No, he is taking it slow. He seems to be shy." boooooooring

And now they are all disappointed because it's a dull story. And she will think twice about seeing you again.

So don't let that happen. Give her something to tell the girls. If you think about how she will talk with her friends, you will automatically see things from a third perspective that helps you to be more active, fun, bold and outcome-independent.

Let's say beta you is afraid to kiss her, because she might reject you. No, you are not afraid because you know that she will be excited to tell her friends how you were bold. And she will be able to brag. After all she got prove that she "won". "He really wanted to kiss me." All the girls: "Yeah! What happened?" "I dont know I just didn't want to..." "Noooo, whyyyy, please say you'll go on another date!" (Or something like this...you get the point)

Final note: Don't forget light touching. If you don't know how to do it, I use an approach I found back in pua days that worked like a charm for me. Whenever you say "hey" like in "hey, there is a funny story about xy" or "hey, have you seen the movie, where..." or "hey, do you sometimes think that...", accompany the "hey" with a light touch with your fingertips to her forearm. (Or shoulder/arms, depending where you sit) Girls do that naturally. Try it, you won't be disappointed.

dave_is_not_here · 2014-08-18T08:56:51+00:00

So it's making me think she would really respond to a touch of RP!!

They all do. The only women who do not respond positively to RP behavior are lesbians or such intense shrews they're frightening.

Your goal for this date should not, under any circumstances, be about anything other than the simple and plain goal of FUCKING HER THAT NIGHT.

But...you're taking her out to dinner, so that's an issue....you should have had her coming to your place.

Instead of: "ok. we're going to XXX restaurant, XX Street, postcode XXX. I booked a table for 7.30."

It should have been

"You're coming to my place and showing off your culinary skills. [address][time] don't be late."

Also, don't respect the fact that she's a doctor. Schools these days are so desperate to say they've graduated female doctors they'll pass even the most dangerous and unskilled students, so long as they have a vagina. Like /r/AlphaAsFAQ says, it's her privilege to be on a date with you. Not because you're paying, but because you're just that fucking high value.

Focus on having a good time and getting laid at the end. Be open about wanting her, don't ever ask permission to make a move and, whatever you do, don't end the night without trying to get some.

If you don't make a move, you'll never get a chance to, so do it while you can.

[deleted] · 2014-08-18T14:46:01+00:00

So it's making me think she would really respond to a touch of RP!!

You found a woman who's attracted to TRP concepts? She's definitely a keeper and a one-of-a-kind! /s

You also need to strive for brevity if you want to be taken seriously by anyone.

LondonGuy3000 · 2014-08-18T21:01:59+00:00

Man..... thank you guys, really appreciate it. Just got back from the date and same old story - hopefully she'll be nice enough not to send the famous "wrong sort of chemistry" text! Rejection is TOUGH!!

Weird thing was I could literally pinpoint the second she lost interest? No idea why at this point.. maybe its the brevity thing, but for me that's usually only when I'm writing, not in person.. I guess the fact of it was that we weren't really each other's type - she was posh with super bad music taste...I still would've dealt with her tho! I think Women can walk away easier cos they don't have that part of the brain that tell you "...unlesss....?"!

The frustrating thing is I'm good-looking, have run my own business for 10 years, am a well-known musician (been in the charts and everything), intelligent, thoughtful and not a pushover.. just that RP still is missing maybe, or perhaps I just need to pick them better..!

Ah well... NEXT!!

Thanks once again for all the input and help - the amount of intelligent and thoughtful people there are on here is incredible. Cheers everybody who replied.

Title	Help Needed! Date tonight...!
Author	LondonGuy3000
Upvotes	10
Comments	16
Date	August 18, 2014 2:03 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2duk4m/help_needed_date_tonight/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/help-needed-date-tonight.141456 https://theredarchive.com/post/141456

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