Help with current LTR.

Temuzjin · 2015-01-31T12:50:38+00:00

"I don't want to do a long-distance relationship, so I'm breaking up with you."

edit: upon rereading your post, this struck me as odd:

Im about to break it off because of this but dont know how to do it without coming off as a needy jealous bitch.

If you want to end it, then your priority should not be to end it in a way that makes you look manly. Your priority should be to end it with a minimum of fuss and awkwardness. So what if she feels that you're a needy jealous bitch? Her opinion is irrelevant if you're cutting all contact anyway. Or are you secretly hoping to get back together later?

aaron_the_great · 2015-01-31T12:58:38+00:00

First off, your thinking is seriously clouded because you're coming from a place of scarcity - this perfect gem of a unicorn is going away, I have to do everything to hold onto her because I will never find anyone better. I'm sure you're aware of this to at least some extent, but knowing that it's happening won't do a damned thing to change your emotions. Go out and try to meet other girls, even hooking up with one other will do wonders for your head even if she's not that attractive or interesting.

In terms of what to do with her since you'll be separated by a large distance, I'm currently in a similar situation so let me tell you what I've done. Was seeing a girl for about a year pretty regularly, never "officially dating," but it was pretty much a de facto LTR. I knew I was going to be traveling and wouldn't see her for 6 months (currently ~1.5 in). I think she has a lot of potential and I still want to see her when I go back but I knew that if we were both trapped by an exclusive relationship, it would only build resentment or make us feel like we were trapped. So when the topic came up, I just said "there's no such thing as a long distance relationship" (because there really isn't, a relationship means seeing each other regularly and having physical contact, otherwise you're just an orbiter) and that, "we'll do what we feel like doing anyways so let's not worry about it."

Was feeling some strong oneitis when I first left but I've seen a few girls since and it was like a night and day difference. Anyways, if you try to "lock her down," you're going to make her feel trapped and you're going to make yourself seem unattractive since you're basically saying that you can't do any better than her, showing clingy behavior, and so on. Just play it cool for now, enjoy your time together, and be confident that you'll be just fine when you two are apart since you know that you live in an abundant world with plenty of beautiful women to meet.

Oh and by the way, if the tables were turned and she was traveling, I almost certainly would have broken it off and withdrawn. Girls are practically always more promiscuous when they travel (I'm young, this is exciting, it's so romantic, no one can judge me for fucking 10 guys since no one will ever know). Just know that she's probably going to see lots of other guys while she's abroad - especially if she shows resistance to or doesn't bring up commitment during your time apart.

Edit: Oh and by the way: for the love of God ignore the other guy advocating that long and clingy text. You don't need to tell her what you're planning on (seeing other women, etc). I get what he's trying to do - show abundance and independence - but when you say that you have abundance and independence, it shows that you don't have it and you're desperately working towards it. This makes you come off as a try hard. No, you show that you have abundance and independence by your actions and attitudes.

LibertarianLibertine · 2015-01-31T10:21:21+00:00

What is it that you really want wiyh this girl?

11411181 · 2015-01-31T10:33:59+00:00

"Hi, I don't think this is going to work out with you leaving to go back home soon. It is better that we end this now, rather than wait for you to make a decision about when you plan on moving back."

tits_out_forTheBoys · 2015-01-31T11:26:12+00:00

I recommend texting her this (best way to break it off with a girl) but if not, then tell her this exactly as follows:

"When you're out of the country, regardless of whether or not we 'think' we're dating, we're not actually dating...because you can't date invisible friends. I've been molding my lifestyle around what I hope our relationship will be in the future – and that’s no way to live. Therefore I've decided to make the mature decision to re-enter the dating market as a single man, so I can continue to grow upon all the personal, romantic, familial, educational, career, personal maturity and growth opportunities that our 'relationship' has been preventing me from capitalizing on."

Title	Help with current LTR.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	31
Date	January 31, 2015 10:06 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2ual7t/help_with_current_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/help-with-current-ltr.192222 https://theredarchive.com/post/192222

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