How do i be stoic and not boring as same time

bornredd · 2017-09-19T16:28:02+00:00

I think you need to read some original Stoic writings.

Stoicism isn't about not showing emotion. It is about minimizing the effects of negative emotions - fear, pain, anger, etc. You are still supposed to have a great time at the Dionysus festival or the Great Feast of Jupiter. The stoics still enjoyed raising their children or fucking women.

It is a minimization of the negative, a tool to hold frame. Not a way to kill all emotions.

ThisIsZigZag · 2017-09-19T16:24:05+00:00

Act, don't react.

fromdario · 2017-09-19T17:04:26+00:00

One element of Stoicism that I like is the idea of equanimity: "mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation". Repeating this because it is says nothing about suppressing positive emotions.

If you look at the absurd nature of life, how surreal it can be, how "little" we all are within the context of our universe and take a step back from yourself, you can begin to appreciate the nature of things around you.

TRP's amused mastery is a good one to remember. Observing, speaking your mind and authentically communicating yourself are hardly boring.

So in terms of humor, I find it's useful to look for the things that make me laugh and bring those forward.

Life has a lot of questions. When speaking to people, everyone is going through their own little struggle, their own little important life. Finding out what makes them tick will not only make you more interesting to them (as people love to talk about themselves) but will be good learning for you to help understand the nature of different people. It will also help build connections/rapport with them. Communicating your thoughts on what they say in a polite way will provoke a real response from others.

For example, meeting someone for the first time. "How are you?" the generic response of "fine or good" is not very engaging. Instead try to drive the conversation forward. Tell them how you are, give them something to respond to. Much like with women, statements can trump questions; throw something out there and see how they respond to it. Even if there is silence it doesn't have to be awkward. Treating people like your close friends will help them open up and feel more comfortable. You don't always have to be gabbing away with a good buddy.

Remember that everyone has 20, 30, 40 years of life experiences that brought them to where they are right now talking to you. Coaxing out the best of those experiences and learnings can open up a world of sharing you may have dismissed.

One question I like to ask people is "How do you like to spend your time?", rather than the cliched "so what do you do?" - This allows the person to talk about anything they like and gives you something to respond to. They may talk about their job; "what's the biggest challenge your company is facing?" or their kids; "It's amazing the way kids see the world, has your child changed the way you look at things?" their hobbies; "how did you get into tennis? I've always wondered what the difference between playing on clay vs grass was".

Intelligence/knowledge plays a factor as well because if you are observing, learning and curious about the world, you will find yourself inspired to learn more and share what you've learned with other people.

Interesting people lead interesting lives, that doesn't mean you have to be partying on yachts with supermodels. You can lead a very interesting low-key life if you have things you're passionate about and a genuine openness of looking at every interaction as a learning opportunity (about yourself or others.)

Look at the style of some of your favorite comedians. What makes them funny, it's the way they look at ordinary situations, the way they put their own twist on a seemingly innocuous story.

Communication and social interaction are a huge part of how our societies advanced. It's often taken for granted, but good communicators put effort into their interactions. Given enough practice, you start to develop a more naturally social personality. Good luck!

AssDefect20 · 2017-09-19T17:18:02+00:00

that feel when r/stoicism is better than original stoic writings :O

GayLubeOil · 2017-09-20T08:13:51+00:00

If you read Marcus Aurelius and understood Stoicism you wouldn't have asked this question. So the question should be how do you develop reading comprehension? But beyond that we should ask are you capable of developing reading comprehension? Does me confronting you with your intellectual inadequacy help you in any way?

The other question we should consider is: does the fact that a lot of the people missed your misreading of Stoicism, mean that there is room for a Normie TRP?

I mean rich people shop at WholeFoods and Normies have no problem with Wallmart processed chease. Maybe you would be happy eating Normie chease and my Euro chease only confuses and angers you?

These are all fascinating questions, which I would love to discuss with a Non-Normie.

Love8Death · 2017-09-19T20:40:19+00:00

Do you often express yourself? Stoicism is nice to not let bullshit affect you, but you don't want nothing to affect you, to be lifeless.

Peter_B_Long · 2017-09-19T23:34:34+00:00

I agree with u/ThisIsZigZag. If you don't feel like talking, then do. This is an opportunity for you to be creative and find something to do. For example, I was at a party on Saturday with my best friend and other friends we know + plus there were lots of hot cute girls there. I had 2 beers so I wasn't completely sober, but for the life of me I could not find myself to utter a word. I found myself in a circle of friends a few times and they would be sharing a story about something crazy or at one point they were talking about stocks and investments. I had no motive or thrive to join the conversation let alone lead it, so I would just listen and react with facial expressions or the occasional, "dang how crazy". The first conversation I was in, I suggested that we go take shots to which they all agreed. The second time we were in a circle and we were talking about stocks and investment, I suggested we go play stackers (a drinking game) and it was awesome because so many people joined in that we were crammed to the max. After this, I was able to open up more and finally talk. I was able to have one on one conversations with the people I didn't know at the party and finally enjoy myself.

This doesn't just apply with parties (and alcohol). It applies in everything. Stuck in a long and boring car ride? Sing along to a popular song (my go to is Sublime) or come up with a silly rap. First date at a bar and you both ran out of things to talk about? Go play pool or darts, go dance if there's a dance floor, or if anything, just change the place and go somewhere else where you can do something.

Doing things isn't the answer to every social interaction, but if you really do not feel like talking, do not talk! You will sound ungenuine and uninterested in the person. You will seem fake. Doing something can loosen you up and help you feel social and lead to a genuine conversation that you actually want to have.

Title	How do i be stoic and not boring as same time
Author	AnonyMousee-
Upvotes	15
Comments	11
Date	September 19, 2017 2:34 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/713cyb/how_do_i_be_stoic_and_not_boring_as_same_time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-be-stoic-and-not-boring-as-same-time.114647 https://theredarchive.com/post/114647

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