How do I gain confidence?

effyouasshole · 2018-10-29T15:36:41+00:00

I'm timid, not assertive. People don't respect me.

These two points are likely related.

To be more assertive, you first need to know what you want. For example, when a co-worker asks for ideas on places to go for lunch, you won't seem assertive if you say "I don't know". Know what you want, then tell them a specific place.

Passive people look to others for cues on what they should do. Assertive people always know what they want, when they want it, and how they want it. To fix this, spend time thinking about what you want to happen in your life. What do you want to do today? What do you want to do this week? What is your goal this month? This year? This decade?

Realize that not everyone will want the things you want. And that's fine. Friends, family, and romantic interests are welcome to ride your success train through life if they'd like; otherwise, they're free to leave. You do not need anyone to complete your path to self-actualization.

ZenAckley · 2018-10-29T15:33:42+00:00

A guy in this subreddit once told me: "Just winning" Try to win in everything you do from the little things to the big ones, you need to do good to feel good. Fake it till you make it. With time you will become a natural winner, just like we all learned to walk... Practice makes perfect.

HurricaneHugues · 2018-10-29T19:23:13+00:00

You don't believe in yourself and your capabilities. Yes you lift, yes you dress better, yes you groom yourself, yes you're approaching, but you are not doing anything productive that is UNIQUE to you! By that, I mean you are not practicing any productive hobbies that make you feel good about yourself and what you can do. You NEED hobbies, productive ones. You need stuff that you can accomplish things in that will make you go "Fuck yeah, I did that all by myself" to yourself. Things like learning to play an instrument, competing in a sport, creating things either through art or craftsmanship, hunting, putting yourself in the service of others through community work or volunteering etc.

Practicing different hobbies will further individualize you and also expand your character. A lot of people already lift, so it's really not much of a "niche" hobby because it's common. A lot of people dress nice already. A lot of people groom themselves already. None of these are personal to you, you know what I mean. Say for example you learned how to play the bass, went on hunting trips once a month, did some digital design work on your free time etc. Then it's different, it's interesting, and you know that those are not attributes that the average man can be qualified with. It's all about building yourself with productive hobbies that expand your character. That way, when people talk about you or to you, you have many things about yourself that they can approach.

You can fake confidence, but it really doesn't last forever. Sooner or later when people who are initially intrigued start to dig deeper into you, they will find the void. You really need to be out there, doing things that make YOU proud and that are personal to YOU.

FixYourselfFirst · 2018-10-29T15:36:10+00:00

Success breeds confidence. You gain confidence by failing, picking yourself up, then doing it over until you succeed.

SpinPlates · 2018-10-29T19:33:55+00:00

Master hobbies.

Start with the gym and endurance training. Then maybe something like Basketball, frisbee, skateboarding, motorcycles, art like drawing or painting. Doesn't matter. Find a passion.

You can't make a diamond without pressure. Pressure yourself to get better at activities that you suck at and confidence will eventually manifest itself in you.

Andgelyo · 2018-10-29T19:52:22+00:00

Fail. Get up. Fail again. Then keep trying until you win.

mental_models · 2018-10-29T16:00:02+00:00

develop some competence and understand your circle of competence

Title	How do I gain confidence?
Author	Colonizemars1
Upvotes	20
Comments	22
Date	October 29, 2018 3:23 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9se12a/how_do_i_gain_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-gain-confidence.136053 https://theredarchive.com/post/136053

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