I’m going to be pretty open here.

I didn’t do much in high school so I never had a girlfriend. I lived with my parents until 22, and didn’t want to talk about my private life with them and so I didn’t want to go out and find a girlfriend. I used tinder to try and get laid, and back then I thought the best way to get into a girl’s pants was to be honest about your intentions, for morality sake. So I would typically just ask them if they were down to fuck.

Only a few said they were (most of them obviously wouldn’t admit that they fucked multiple guys in the year and would fuck multiple more, so they would say, “I don’t do that”. Funny, because experience says otherwise), but it didn’t work out because I never wanted to tell my parents, “Hey I’m going to bang a tinder girl”, so I had to try and fit them into the weekend when I could pretend I was going over to a friend’s house, but by then they’d ghost me since I came off badly or they found a new dick or for whatever reason.

Anyway, I moved out in 2019. About two months later, I met a girl in person that was gorgeous, and I asked her out because it seemed like she was interested. (Editing this to say that I actually met this girl in real life, not that I met with her from tinder.) Well, after it all, I don’t know if she was ever interested or not. She strung me along and I trusted her. We did eventually go on a date, and I later got rejected, though she acted like I was an asshole when I eventually stopped believing all that she said and when I started thinking she was making excuses.

Once the trust went away, of course I wasn’t strong enough to hold back from disregarding her feelings and interrogating her. I don’t feel like I was in the wrong, but she blocked me and I kept contacting her for a bit until she said she was in contact with the police.

This may sound childish, considering we weren’t ever in a relationship, but someone who possibly pretended to be interested the whole time (and who laid it on thick and wouldn’t let me think she was blowing me off) makes me so afraid to talk to women.

I was a virgin when I met that girl and have slept with 3 since, losing my virginity at 23 (I’m 24 now), but none of them were as beautiful as her, physically.

I feel like an alpha widow who is caught up on someone. Except, I don’t want to be with that evil woman. I just want to be able to get girls in her league.

Every time I see a remarkably attractive woman, I think that they wouldn’t be interested and if they do seem interested and even give me their number, they’re probably full of shit and don’t have any interest. I mean, the interest she showed really seemed authentic, but it was all probably bullshit. I had to chase for a while just for the date. Yeah, she was emotionally damaged and went to school full time and worked 50+ hours, but chasing someone and then going on a date and then feeling like they weren’t interested the whole time really fucks you up.

To be clear, I don’t think this girl is special anymore, but I wonder if I am worth a girl like her’s time. She’s attractive and she played me.

It’s been 9 months or so since I was blocked and I think I am traumatized and the only thing that could fix it is having a girl like her actually being interested in me, but I feel like I don’t have the clean slate that others have when they get into the approaching scene.

Though I never asked out many girls in person, I never took it personally any time that I was rejected, on tinder or in person. But when someone pretends they’re interested and you become close and you start to feel like they never were interested, everything seems so fucked. Like, if even a girl who seemed that interested and let me get “close” to her wasn’t, then how can I think any of the ones in her league are?