How much shittesting or annoying behavior should you expect in a LTR?

MattyAnon · 2019-11-07T21:58:24+00:00

How much shittesting or annoying behavior should you expect in a LTR? (self.asktrp)

I expect 90% good behaviour. That means she's allowed to fuck up one time in ten ..... or ten percent of the time, and that's assuming the other 90% is really good (not just average).

Allowable fuckups: mild shit testing (over in less than 3 minutes), girl being emotional but not in a way that's attacking or blaming me, etc. I stick around for this, but after a while I'll let it be known that it should stop right about now. If she wants comfort she should find a way to ask for it rather than attack me as a way to test/manipulate me into making her happy.

Zero tolerance: anything that's a personal attack or blames me for anything I didn't do or excess recriminations about something she already knows about, nagging, etc. These get a "stop now" followed by an instant soft next (during which I'll be considering if it's a hard next).

In my experience this is very easily achievable and just comes down to HAVING boundaries. It's not about setting them, it's about the fact that they exist.

It works like this: you define TO YOURSELF that you will not accept nagging.

That's it. You will not be nagged. Not for her, not for sex, not if her mother just died, not if she's having brain surgery during the conversation, not for any fucking reason at all, ever. Once you agree this with yourself, you'll find that nagging stops near instantly.

The problem is that men don't do this, most say "I don't want to be nagged", they say to her "I don't want to be nagged", but really they allow it because they allow exceptions. Girls know this (like children), and they know they can get away with it because men allow it.

this still happens in my relationship

Because you allow it.

If you stop allowing it into your life, she'll stop.

Work out something you don't like: nagging, testing, whatever. Agree you will not tolerate it under any circumstances, agree that you would rather be single and alone than be nagged. The rest is easy.

You WILL get shit tested and you WILL get your boundaries tested. You just respond "X is not acceptable to me, don't do it". If it continues then silently and without emotion walk away and ignore her begging texts for 48 hours, the carry on like nothing has happened.

Bad behaviour = absence of man. Absence of man causes female regret. Female regret causes behavioural change.

Note that complaining, bargaining, shouting, explaining, logic and arguing are all useless counter-productive low-status behaviours that make women double down on the behaviour and do more of it because they like your low status behaviour because it makes them more secure in the relationship.

DoesItMatterTooYou · 2019-11-07T17:36:05+00:00

Nagging is a hard boundary for me. I clamp down on that immediately and offer her a way to reword her request that is respectful. I will then likely respond positively to her respectful request for my action or attention.

Shit tests are also an immediate response of "unacceptable". There is no way to reword a shit test where I would tolerate it. It is simply disrespectful and never okay.

Comfort tests I often respond positively towards depending upon how it is done. A committed LTR should be worthwhile for us both. We both have needs and desires. I genuinely love her so why not affirm that?

I also do not play bullshit games. We have clear boundaries and expectations. Life is really good if you get things lined out. Yes it could fall apart but the experience now is worth that risk.

drakehfh · 2019-11-07T21:49:31+00:00

None. Do it right and they will crave your attention and your dick. There is no magic to be done, dread, awesomeness, gym, dancing skills and hobbies without her. Also don't live with her.

hoopingblob · 2019-11-07T19:22:47+00:00

Well tbh it kinda depends on the person. If she still isn't sure if you're high value she will most likely do alot of ST's, because that's why they exist in the end.

I personally shut down annoying behavior by simply saying "no" or "stop" without emotion behind it. That shuts them down most of the time but if they continue I just walk away or take a walk outside so I can get my mind on different things.

It's up to you how much you allow. Don't forget that being in a relationship is pretty beta in the first place that's why you can't completely shut down negative behavior. (she'll call you abusive or your image gets ruined). You have to shut up down the crucial negative behavior. If she is just nagging or complaining I ignore it or tell her to shut her ass up. Funny thing is that she always gives a kiss afterwards.

Infernir · 2019-11-07T21:48:41+00:00

You have to set down the rules and give clear strict instructions to your girl. Be stern, direct and straight to the point. If she follows good everything is still fine, if not there's trouble, dread game, soft next, punish her with other female attention, and have serious conversations about her that don't actually have to be serious, they can just be a few words or even some body language and a few words telling her that her behavior is not fucking okay and you will shut that shit down or leave her if she keeps it up.

The number one think guys mess up is, even if you fully respect yourself, your women might not fully respect herself and even if she has respect for you early on she might lose it if you acted too beta and accepting of everything she says or does.

The vast majority of households have seen their mom & dad fight, bicker etc etc or they've had their parents do this to them instead of resolving problems, embracing conflict & the need to experience it once, not have any of the same conflict later.

mortalcoil1 · 2019-11-08T01:41:10+00:00

I had to start spanking my LTR when she uses her nagging voice.

Remember this. A woman who is good enough to be in an LTR with wants to be a better person. Give them what they want. Make them better people.

maddisser101 · 2019-11-08T02:46:25+00:00

Shit testing begins as soon as the honeymoon phase is over. The honeymoon phase transcends all time and space - women do everything for the person they are with without question: they have sex all the time, cook all the time, are happy all the time, and barely fight at all (obviously in relationships where one or both people are crazy this is not likely the case).

The honeymoon phase can end any given second. So just make sure you're good at test taking.

WB2E · 2019-11-08T04:22:13+00:00

Throwing another behavior out there: how would you handle if a girl you're seeing checks out other guys when you're with her?

lazydogg9 · 2019-11-08T09:53:33+00:00

She's shit testing you to reassure herself that she made the right choice choosing you. They always do that in LTRs.

Use A&A, deflect or anything short of whining and acting butthurt after getting shit tested.

When you successfully pass a shit test, she feels more sure about her choice of you.

Title	How much shittesting or annoying behavior should you expect in a LTR?
Author	Just1515
Upvotes	13
Comments	34
Date	November 7, 2019 5:20 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dt0utg/how_much_shittesting_or_annoying_behavior_should/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-much-shittesting-or-annoying-behavior-should.294362 https://theredarchive.com/post/294362

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