It's been about a month now. The reading, rationalizing. Trying to make my choice at where I cut the red pill at a point for the sake of my own happiness. I keep coming to just an abyss of nothing at all, no real feeling. Sex isn't desirable for me anymore, the urge is still there but understanding the game, i can't help but feel ashamed that i'm attracted to anyone who exhibits such low level human behavior. I'm not going to be anyone's leader, grow up (not you, you're fine reader).

I'm not angry, or sad. Maybe before but not anymore. I feel no motivation to improve myself in anyway, Even for myself; it would be nice, but the desire needs to come from somewhere and i just don't have an outlet. I refuse to compete with anyone over anything, i refuse to progressively get better at socially manipulating myself around someones biological make up (male of female) for my own means. I 100% accept the red pill, But it's done nothing good for me. Every post i read here i can sense 65% of a person coming through, i hate the idea that Man can't fully express himself just because it's a (bad strategy)

So what? what am i supposed to do here, I feel mentally stuck and I can't move. I want to start and be like "yea, i should work out" "yea, i should get better at talking to people" And feel....Something, fuck. Anything at all.

(Edit*- I'm not a fucking moron, I'm not crying out for attention or sympathy, i need red pill harsh help. If the truth is. "yea, sucks to suck dude" i can live with that. At least it's an answer. I only post this for other outlets that other men have used to guide them forward, for i have none anymore.)