I lost frame, how do I get back on track?

Redphithrowaway · 2017-03-14T18:13:21+00:00

Doesn't sound like you lost frame at all. You let her know that you won't let her waste your time. You probably could've leveraged her apologies into getting laid, but as it stands you set your boundaries and put your foot down. Doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.

PvRed · 2017-03-14T18:06:20+00:00

I don't think its as bad as you thought, you clearly established a line and unless you screamed at her, no deal real damage has come out of this situation.

If she's your LTR, I might suggest inviting her over to watch a movie and fuck a couple times to make amends, or next her if you feel like she's gonna pull more bullshit in the future or you just don't want to deal with her anymore.

Just like the other commentor said: don't act butthurt. That would be you breaking frame (abundance mentality).

900PercentSaltIntake · 2017-03-14T17:39:53+00:00

Were you visibly angry?

SetConsumes · 2017-03-14T20:01:07+00:00

This is more odd because you're in an LTR.

However, I do think that was some minor LMR. Why would she take you to an isolated place if she didn't want you to fuck her there, or at the least suck you off there? Girls aren't dumb like that, she was trying to create an experience of some sort.

Has she ever denied you sex before? Why?

Her saying stop we're not having sex while having just taken your dick out is her saying one thing and doing another, for some reason you got caught up on her words.

How thirsty for sex were you at that time? It seems like you were.

Unless she starts acting significantly strange, you're probably fine. If she seems to have lost attraction, then double down on yourself and not giving a shit if she leaves you or not.

aurelius_shrugs · 2017-03-14T20:17:37+00:00

It's better to be visibly angry than passive aggressive butt hurt. She should know not to waste your time. I've kicked women out of the car on the side of the road for less.

MattyAnon · 2017-03-15T00:43:16+00:00

"teasing is not nice, especially when you waste my gas doing that."

She wants reaction, you gave her it.

You were right to deny attention.

What should my next step be?

Be happy and polite, and make sure the next time you see her is in a sex-available way. Meal out? Sorry, busy. Netflix at your place? sure, count me in.

LOOK AT OTHER OPTIONS. Seriously ... talk to more women. You need to get your abundance feelings back.

It's normal for women to do this to test men, and often at about this time in a "relationship". It's her trying to leverage sex. The sick thing is she has detected "this man will stay even without sex" - the first thing she does is test for this (always just after you've decided you like her and will stick around). She's clever like this.

If she does this without cost, she'll continue to increase her demands and decrease the sex you have, and the relationship will go downhill.

Realise now and for always that she cares nothing for you, but will put some effort into the relationship if handled carefully.

Get options, get abundance, apply dread game. Reduce attention for a while. She fucked up, you now spend your time doing other stuff.

Your withdrawal of attention/commitment was correct, next time do it with zero talking. Silent soft next. Drive her home, drop her off, literally say nothing to her. Not even furiously, just silently and calmly.

Welcome to exclusive relationships with women and why they suck.

Willkuer_ · 2017-03-14T18:13:55+00:00

Radio silence for 2-3 weeks.

quicklogaccount · 2017-03-14T18:38:40+00:00

You've pranced it up a little bit. Anyways.

Call her out, set a meeting, try to escalate and assess the damage.

If she acts as horny as or more horny than she should, somehow she hamstered your fuck up in a good way for you. It shouldn't happen, she's either inexperienced or issued. Act accordingly.

If she acts less horny or refuses your advances but otherwise comfortable, attraction took a blow, work on building more if you want to, or just next. Remember you're in a LTR, there's an overt or covert contract. You'll have to address the end of it covertly or overtly.

If she's walking on eggshells, you damaged other stuff. Maybe including attraction, maybe not. She might even bang you but if she's awkward you'll have to figure out what did you damage or the rodent is bound to gnaw on your value for her.
By the way you described it in your other post I'd say you nuked both "good genes" and "long term potential", I wouldn't try to fix it from there. Learn and don't fuck up the next time.

Title	I lost frame, how do I get back on track?
Author	intradasting350
Upvotes	7
Comments	22
Date	March 14, 2017 5:23 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5zdhpx/i_lost_frame_how_do_i_get_back_on_track/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-lost-frame-how-do-i-get-back-on-track.87732 https://theredarchive.com/post/87732

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