Quick facts:

Back when I was a blue pill beta I've had a girlfriend for 3,5 years, we deflowered each other and were deeply in love and even talked about marriage. I had serious "Oneitis" for her. Then things weren't as magical as before and I broke up with her.

After I broke up with her I realized I suck with girls, found out about "Game", read books, then found out about "The Red Pill" and accepted it. My plan was to enjoy my single life and get some experience by fucking a bunch of girls without any emotions and focusing on self-improvement and career.

In the past two weeks I met a bunch of girls and I had a realistic chance of fucking all of them but I didn't care for them, I didn't have any emotions for them, I felt the opposite of "Oneitis". I wanted to fuck them for fun, they were hot, but that's it. Then, during those two weeks, I met a girl who made me feel different and made me feel like in my first relationship described above. I cared for her and thought I fell in love with her. I had a kind of light "Oneitis" and many purple pill thoughts. I thought "fuck this bullshit red pill mentality, why is it a sin to have feelings? I feel love and this time I won't rely on my logic and rational thinking, this time I'm going to listen to my heart. Because this girl gives me good feelings which other girls can't."

We hooked up, got together, we've been together for a week and today we fucked for the first time. But my problem is that I don't feel any love for her any more. The sex wasn't great, but that is not the problem. She sucked cock like a pornstar. I mean it. She really gave me such an amazing blowjob deepthroat, ballsucking, ballgrabbing - perfect. Just like you would imagine. And I know that she had 5 sexual partners in her life before (I'm the sixth), and I believe her. But this made me feel like she's a slut and not like someone I would consider to marry in the far future.

Listen to me. I am ONLY talking about my most sincere feelings here. I swear I felt nothing but pure love for her, but after today's sex I don't feel it anymore. Please ignore my past "Oneitises", ignore that I consider marriage, ignore my purple pill thoughts, please just accept the situation and help me.

This girl brought life, emotions and many other positives things into my life after only a week, but now after I fucked her I feel like I fucked a hooker.

My options:

  • should I wait and see if my feelings come back?
  • should I rely on my rational thinking and break up with her, risking hurting her a lot and embarrasing myself and going back to being unsatisfied with my life?
  • should I "give it a chance" - because there is a chance that today's bad experience is only temporary and is only based on random reasons like being in a bad mood? Should I accept that I can't get picture perfect virgins who are perfect in every sense and marry them and just accept the fact that every woman I will ever meet in my life will already have some experience?

By the way I'm 18, nearly 19.