I'm constantly disrespected

Borsao66 · 2019-06-14T08:43:07+00:00

A wise man is never insulted, if it is untrue it is beneath his notice, if true, he faces it. - Chinese proverb

peerschenk · 2019-06-14T08:04:45+00:00

You just answered yourself

thebadguy89 · 2019-06-14T08:48:24+00:00

if you don't respect yourself it's not possible for others to respect you, even if you have everything.

FereallyRed · 2019-06-14T12:33:41+00:00

You're living externally.

That sounds like some new age aura bullshit.

It's not.

Why are you working so hard at "self-improvement?" Is it a pathway to reach a goal of yours" What EXACTLY are your goals?

Got a plan to utilize that "high class" education when you get out?

Got a reason why you're working so hard in the gym?

Your frame doesn't match what you present with, so people are going to shit test you to try figure your incongruency out. That means jokes and banter and frame pokes.

Getting butthurt proves you're just a shell, which leads to people writing you off.

MattyAnon · 2019-06-14T16:19:50+00:00

If I were to guess, it would have to do with my reaction to the jokes

Basically yes.

I feel the need to justify myself when being roasted and struggle to deflect insults.

While this is bad, the underlying driver for these behaviours is the real problem.

As u/Borsao66 says: "A wise man is never insulted, if it is untrue it is beneath his notice, if true, he faces it. - Chinese proverb"

This is true.

Never DEER..... look this up, but basically you don't defend yourself (the implication is that you don't take the attack seriously).

If something is true, shrug and say "yeah". If it's not true simply do and say nothing. Let the insult hang in the air poisoning the person who uttered it.

You can fight back, but the trick here is to go for the fucking jugular. Someone says "haha, you drink slightly slowly" and you say "Your wife fucked Bob last week", or something equally hard hitting. With a little time and thought you can know everyone's weakness ahead of time, and save it for when you need it.

What's happening... usually.... with people who are the butt of jokes is that they want/need to be part of the group more than the group needs them, and therefore they put up with the insults as a cost of entry. So in your case: you need approval or to be part of the group and they know it. They joke and you either take it, put up with it, or fight weakly back. All these confirm their social position at your expense.

Instead you ignore it or fight back STRONGLY. Or some random mixture.

A shrug and "sure mate, whatever" is usually all you need.... but remember that the jokes didn't come out of nowhere: your weak position was determined and the jokes are the result. Find the underlying problem and fix that most importantly.

BaronIncognito · 2019-06-14T12:11:52+00:00

Who is “disrespecting” you? How are they doing it? Can you give examples? This could be anything from guys just doing harmless ball-busting in your social group to really fucked up stuff that warrants cutting people out of your life. Tough to say from the post.

brabg · 2019-06-14T15:00:17+00:00

Your core problem is that you do not value yourself. You do not respect yourself.

You believe that you will be validated by other people's opinion on you. You believe that you have no value, and that value is given by "going the best universities", and is other people's express opinion about you, the thing that validates your value.

You probably brag all the time, to give notice to other people that they should give validation to you.

The message you are broadcasting is that you are worthless, and need to compensate by "going to an university", getting fit, and fucking lots of women.

That lack of coherence between you sense of worthlessness and your crave for respect is what makes you the butt of the jokes.

Maybe you had a hard childhood, and were taught that you didn't deserve love for being yourself, but you have to prove your worth to receive love/validation from others.

Whatever the reason, what you lack is a sense of intrinsic value, and it needs therapy to be solved.

MCFiletMignon · 2019-06-14T16:01:44+00:00

You should stop putting up with it.

You will get tested for your frame. If you respond poorly, you get the treatment that corresponds to your frame.

I try to execute tit-for-tat. I get an insult, I think about what happens in that persons head to make the insult. Then I reframe their statement in such a way that exposes their 'flaw'.

You only have to stay true to yourself. It helps if you have clear ideas about what you consider 'good' and 'true' and such.

fatihcoskuny · 2019-06-14T08:16:42+00:00

Quoting this from @TellYourSonThis

"-Be helpful

-Don't whine

-Compliment people

-Be polite

-Be funny

-Be humble

-Be inclusive

-Show gratitude

-Show an interest in people

Overall theme: Most people are negative, so be a source of positivity. Master all of these and you have mastered the recipe for likeability."

masterpiece00 · 2019-06-14T09:43:27+00:00

You are very beta and an easy target.

vodkalimesoda1 · 2019-06-14T08:17:48+00:00

If it’s straight unwarranted disrespect grab the bloke by his throat and ask him to repeat it. If it’s friendly banter just agree amplify and poke fun at their insecurities/shortcomings/defects etc.

Title	I'm constantly disrespected
Author	IvyLeagueWeights
Upvotes	7
Comments	33
Date	June 14, 2019 8:00 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/c0hhk8/im_constantly_disrespected/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/im-constantly-disrespected.242007 https://theredarchive.com/post/242007

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