I'm young, 17, but there is something I'm doing wrong.But first some history: Was born. Parents divorced when I was three because dad was suicidal. Little bit later mom got suicidal, no real parents in my early childhood. Very introverted in elementary school. Still introverted in secondary school. Bullying happened. In the 9th grade a turn started to happen. I was getting resistent to what people said maybe I became a sociopath. But I also started going to the gym. 11th grade: new classes, I choose the scientific profile, new people, that was a fresh start for me, i took the opportunity and became one of the leader roles in our class(currently i'm in the 12th grade), most people like me and do what I say.

Nowadays, my parents are both recovered from their mental issues, but the damage to me was already done. There's some barrier in me, that I don't know how to get over. This barrier prevents me from getting intimate with any girls.

I'm average looking, athletic, I got a sixpack too and nice muscles and so on, I'm smart, I've got a few hobbies( my motorcycle, gaming, karate, programming), I don't visit the gym anymore because in the 12th grade shit gets real at school in germany, but I still do karate, what also gave me a nice confidence boost. I'm not shy, I like to talk infront of big crowds. I read a lot about medicine and psychology, what gave me good social skills also things like manipulation and persuasion.

What bothers me is the fact that I didn't even kiss a girl up to now. I've had like 3 encounters with girls. First one was when I was 15yo, some slut who had a lot of guys around her, always ended in sleeping in the same bed with her, but nothing more, I made her ignore me by faking some story and it worked, because she was bad for me and my mental state. Next 16yo, some nice girl not that good looking, was also never closer as holding hands or sleeping in the same bed. Third one also as 16yo, a really nice girl, smart and good looking 8/10, going into my class,one evening I was at her place, we we're watching a movie and she asked me to sleep at her place, in her bed, I did, nothing happened. It took me two days to realise how bad I fucked up. I somehow still want her.

Well, maybe you did understand my broken thoughts and english, if so please give me advice and ask me further questions. I hope you guys can help me over this, but in the end it's all about what I do.