don't get me wrong ppl, I've been having self-esteem issues my whole life, whenever I try to put myself first I get this rush of guilt that I'm an asshole, I know it comes from being insecure, but still, the way I see it, EVERYBODY out there is selfish and there's a fucking jungle out there, people competing with each other with no regards for each other, all this bullshit about "unconditional love" for others is nowhere to be seen, so, I ask the motherfucking question - IS IT WRONG TO BE SELFISH even if I end up disappointing others in the process?

I do not mean to hurt others on purpose, the image I have in mind for myself is to be an independent man who cares for himself and his family and gives no shit about other people's problems.

I've been reading TRP and I've also been reading some other self-help stuff which turned out to be complete shit. I mean, friends, girlfriends, even my own fucking family is selfish towards me, not to say that I'm special but the way I see it, even healthy people are selfish, almost all the fucking time.

I wanna put this people pleasing, victim type of life behind me and be the selfish man. been suffering my whole life because I never lived for myself. is this too much to ask?!

On the outside I'm faking confidence, I'm shy, everybody's pleaser, I have self-destructive behaviors (procrastination, self-hatred and all the other fun shit you can imagine) which comes from many traumatic experiences I've been blessed to have been through. But sometimes I have this moment when something sets me free from my insecurities and I turn into a completely different person, like the most confident, capable motherfucker you can imagine. I know I am that guy underneath and that's all the more reason I'm pissed at myself all the time for not being able to break free from this mental prison.

I get it, everybody talks about "love" and "consideration" towards each other, but from what I see it, it's a selfish world out there and the weak ones get fucked.

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