LTR when creating boundaries. If she abides by mine am I obligated to abide by hers out it respect?

iHeartCapitalism · 2017-06-13T23:55:55+00:00

You don't need to be "fair" and follow the rules you set for someone you are with.

If one of the conditions of being with you is that she can't go around showing her tits, but you can show off your body as it makes you money - then it's entirely in your right to set this boundary for her.

If I were to say this anywhere else on reddit, I'd get downvoted to hell for being unfair and a hypocrite, but I think you may get me that you are the one who set your own rules, whatever they may be - and it's up to the other person to make the decision of whether they will abide by it, or whether they will leave you and find someone else who doesn't have the same boundaries you do.

A relationship isn't some SJW contract where everything has to be the same. It's between two (hopefully) rational people who have their own standards.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2017-06-13T23:10:25+00:00

LTR when creating boundaries. If she abides by mine am I obligated to abide by hers out it respect?

Answer: No.

It's a form of "covert contact". Is a girl obligated to fuck a "nice guy" because he's "nice" to her? Of course not.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2017-06-14T03:32:31+00:00

A woman's boundaries generally consist of my cosmically important feelings right now. If a woman tries to verbally set some kind of boundary for you, it's often a shit test. Her real boundaries are what she's willing to say "no" to and what bores her.

Your boundaries should consist of behavior you're willing to invest your valuable time and attention in, and behavior you're not willing to reward with your time and attention.

Either she wants to follow your direction or she doesn't. Either she wants to fuck you or she doesn't. Either she does things that bring value to you and help accomplish your goals or she doesn't.

If not one of those things, who cares? You can't force her to do anything. Either find someone else who will, or do it yourself. If she values her boundaries, it's up to her to enforce them by saying no, or showing no interest.

quicklogaccount · 2017-06-13T23:06:13+00:00

Strive for giving her what she wants and needs from men, not what she asks you.
Keep this in mind because you and her see threats differently and have different boundaries, they're not mirrored. Acting on literal reciprocity doesn't serve the relationship well, the "traditional" boundaries are all serving the female nature, most often at expense of male's welfare.

Anyway. That put none of you need to abide by any, you both can always leave and you both can act in fashions that demonstrates that an imbalanced relationship is a condition for you staying.

Shaman6624 · 2017-06-14T19:54:02+00:00

Just say ok you can show your tits to people but then we won't have a relationship anymore. No problem you're a free woman.

Also logic (which isnt the way to talk to women but still)

Is it socially acceptable for men to walk topless across a beach? Y/n For men showing his breast is a totally different thing.

mcscratchandsniff · 2017-06-15T05:08:33+00:00

SkimSTi · 2017-06-13T22:30:07+00:00

personally, i think in any healthy committed relationship, there should be some compromise from both ends. after all, it takes two to make something work. but it does depend on the situation. so its a case by case.

like /u/iheartcapitalism said, if you decide not to respect her boundary, its entirely ok for them to leave you. which is where the balancing act of finding that happy medium falls in (with the giving of alpha and comfort/beta).

in your situation, where your posting and promoting things is your life path and business, id say its ok. that type of marketing is bringing income. you HAVE TO. and you arent telling her not to post pictures entirely, you just don't want her tits out for everyone to see.... fair enough. id say you are ok. if her boobs brought in money and she had to show em off (model/stripper/whatever) then sure, maybe you would be in the wrong. i wouldnt worry too much.

SisyphosOnTop · 2017-06-14T06:26:55+00:00

Wait, so have a problem with the fact that the chick you bang, increases your sales via promotion with her big tits while getting attention on her part of the deal? Get over your ego or this insecurity will bag fire.

LaRedPill · 2017-06-13T23:47:38+00:00

OF COURSE NOT, she follows your rules or she is out, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE ABOUT HER RULES? ARE YOU HER BITCH? OR IS SHE YOURS?

Title	LTR when creating boundaries. If she abides by mine am I obligated to abide by hers out it respect?
Author	Bulk_king11
Upvotes	6
Comments	29
Date	June 13, 2017 10:03 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6h38ek/ltr_when_creating_boundaries_if_she_abides_by/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltr-when-creating-boundaries-if-she-abides-by-mine.92577 https://theredarchive.com/post/92577

Comments