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NMMNG, disbelief

kendallb183 · 2017-03-25T03:32:47+00:00

Has anyone else read this book and strongly identified with it but almost completely block it out saying it can't be true? How did you come to terms with...

kendallb183

March 25, 2017

7 upvotes

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Post Information

Title	NMMNG, disbelief
Author	kendallb183
Upvotes	7
Comments	4
Date	March 25, 2017 3:32 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/61dn5k/nmmng_disbelief/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/nmmng-disbelief.88298 https://theredarchive.com/post/88298

Comments

[–]Docbear646 points7 points8 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Covert contracts were probably the most challenging concept for me to accept .I had put so much of my personality on being " nice and giving and blah blah blah" . That I understanding and appreciating that I actually was passive - agressive, manipulative, and needy was challenging .

The same way I used TRP to analyze a lot of past relationships which didn't make sense and it had an answer for those situations I had to analyze them after reading NMMNG as well .

My first real relationship was built on covert contracts , I'd consider people not being as nice to me as I was to them a sign of immense disrespect . Basically I kind of had to start picking the WHY apart of why I did those things and NMMNG helped me understand that my intentions weren't as honest and pure as I wanted paint them as.

The book changed my life in a ton of ways but In terms of the covert contracts I am a much more kind person now . You can argue it's not as easy to get me to sacrifice myself and my time for people but for those I do I don't expect them to pay me back or pay off the "niceness debt" I'd previously invested in them . It makes life a lot easier because everything isn't a fucking transaction any longer.

[–]kendallb183[S] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Docbear641 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

No and It's still something I have to be slightly aware of . You just have to assess situations as they come . If someone asks you a favor and you honestly don't want to do it and they aren't someone that effort is worth then just don't do it .

It can be hard to think about but it will leave you feeling much better about your relationships as you phase out old covert contracts. It also helps you avoid manipulative people who will suck you dry of oyur resources. A nice guy plus a user = a one-sided and frustrating relationship so just putting yourself and your needs first will help you create better relationships and as I said if you find someone whose needs are worth taking on for a while ( certain family members are my big exception) then go ahead .

At the end of the day if you can do a favor for someone and still feel good / respect yourself after you do it then I think it was a favor worth doing .

[–]BenScopato2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link