Hello trp, I'm having a difficult time with myself considering my relationship and I could really need some objective pov's. I'm new here and I would really, really love to hear your opinions on this if I could have a few minutes of your precious time.

She is my first girlfriend, we have been through a lot and right now im not sure if I feel kind of "tired" about the whole relationship because Im not in love anymore or the fact that relationships eventually gets a bit "staler" if that makes sense. Extremley long story short: We started messing around, told each other we wanted to be exclusive. Two days later she fucks someone. Her reasoning being that she has been in a realtionship two years before that and that she needed to find out if she wanted to go into another one. She realised that she wanted it and apologized. We had only been messing around for a week but I felt very disrespected because she hadn't told me that before we set upon being exclusive.

We try to make it work but I have trust issues which she worsens by hitting me, then prosmising not to do it again right before doing it again... yeah I know. Time passes and we argue on and off, but we still try to make it work. Im so caught up with all these thoughts that I realise I might have a lot to say during this post and I commend everyone for reading it all if I decide to take the long route.

I'm not condescending or anything but she isnt the sharpest knife there is which she has even said herself. Because of that she has said some unnecessary things which has made me trust here even less and just making it worse for us. It has been such a long time that I no longer have these incidents fresh in my mind. I wasn't sure I was just being a little bitch or if this was normal with girls. This was and still is my first relationship so I have nothing to compare it with. People adviced me to go earlier but now that I stuck through with it I can really see improvements, but the journy has really taken a toll on my affection.

a couple of months back I was so doubting of her that I was 100% going to break up. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be single or not so soon after I ended up cheating which was the worst decision of my life. I felt like the biggest shit head ever and I owned up to all of it after telling her that same night.

Now a couple of months has passed and we are doing alright. I feel like we have finally stabalized and that she has matured. We rarely argue anymore but once we do she usually gets more fired up than me and takes it farther than it has to go. We end up " breaking up" every so often for a hour. I will admit I'm not spotless myself, I have been very mad and upset with her and called her names like stupid and dumbass.

I can elaborate on some of the incidents in the comments if anyone wishes. I would love input from people with more experience than me. We are doing alright, but I'm not feeling as "in love" anymore and sometimes I feel like im in this relationship just to have a girlfriend. Other times It feels great. I'm not sure what to do at this point, wether this is normal or all the bumps in the realtionship up until now has ruined it for me. She is very much in love with me despite what I have done, but she feels herself that she has done more to me, so forgiving me wasnt the hardest thing.

As I mentioned earlier I'm new to this community and currently loving it and beginning to warp my mindset.

TLDR: It has been a rough 10 months with ups and downs. I'm no longer sure if Im just in this relationship to have a gf or if this isn't right for me.