Panic of socializing

DBsix · 2016-06-08T15:23:57+00:00

You are entering social situations with a taking frame, which means you are looking to be more social, have more friends etc - attached to a outcome from the act of being social. A by product of this is that you are being paralyzed by fear and anxiety - over failing to accomplish these goals. You have to do it and enjoy it for the act itself. Being social is enjoyable if you have positive frames about it.

How I got over this myself was by:

Approach social situations with a giving frame. You are there to give value to people. The value is YOU. Your inherent value as a human being with his/her own unique life experiences, quirks, etc. Offer that to people and expect nothing in return. Also, accept it when people offer you their value as human beings. When you deeply internalize your own value for simply being a human being, you will as a by product be appreciative of other human's value as well. This will vaporize all the judgements you make about other people based on them being chodes, betas or whatever. This will also remove the hundreds of ways people judge themselves in their subconscious for not being social, rich, ripped etc. The inner peace will be palpable.
The above is easy to understand rationally but very hard to internalize and deeply embed in your psych. Read The Power of Now by Eckhart Toelle. In short, realize that the physical and material world can basically give you nothing tangible, as well as take away nothing tangible, from the thing that really matters - your inner consciousness. All these people, they can give you nothing that really lasts or is meaningful. So it is pointless to stress out about it. It is really well explained in the book. Read it, it can change your life.
Be responsible for your inner space. Take responsibility for your emotions. Try to be nice to people by only offering them positive emotions, like those generated from having fun, being passionate about something, feeling gratitude, admiring, being real and honest etc. There will be times when you have to take a stern tone, or put someone in their place etc., but now it will come from a much more "giving" vibe and you will find that people won't judge you or be negative to you for that.
But there will be negative emotions generated inside your body too. Be very aware of your inner world. Of how you feel in your body. A good question to ask yourself all the fucking time is, "how am I feeling right now". Feel any tightness in your body, acknowledge it, accept it. Think or even say, "yeah I feel super anxious meeting all these people, etc.." and then go on and still try to produce those positive emotions we talked about earlier and offer that vibe to the people. You will find that accepting and throwing the light of consciousness on these bad emotions immediately weekens their power over your actions. (Accepting means not fighting them. Don't feel them and think, "yeah I am feeling them, they should go anytime now!", but more like, " hmm I feel sad and angry right now, it's a sign of me still being human and alive" and then smile :). Overtime, you will find that their powers will be significantly lowered and you will seldom be bogged down by them.
Also accept that, not everyone is meant to like everyone, because humans have a variety of different human experiences based on which they interpret and interact with their reality. If you offer your true value to people, some will like it, some won't. Some will judge and hate you for it. Accept that and hold no grudges. Generate no negative emotions for this reality. Enjoy the position vibes from people that are readily giving it to you and accepting your authentic value from you.
Lastly, realize that you are in charge of communicating your value. Some people won't recognize it till they get huge chunks of it, like over a 2 hour period before attaching themselves to you. Give your authentic self to people abundantly and without inhibiton to really start enjoying the act of being social. I am not saying be attached to the outcome of pleasing anyone, but be aware of this reality too.

Do read The Power of Now. I think you need it. Good luck.

red_recruit · 2016-06-08T08:54:25+00:00

I dont want to be the quiet guy Who is in the group and says nothing during all the night.

If you are normally the quiet guy, don't try to reverse the roles and become the loudmouth; you'll end up with egg on your face.

Talk to people about things that you are familiar with and if you aren't knowledgeable on something then admit it. If you pretend to be the know-it-all then you're likely to be shunned from the group.

A brief example:

Person A: Hey anabolic92, are you familiar with string theory? Anabolic92: Hey person A, no man, can you tell me about it?

Person A will proceed to give an explanation about it. People who are more social, or more at ease with being in situations like this tend to enjoy talking about things and themselves so you wouldn't need to be super talkative. Listen to what is being said and work with that. If you hear something that you are familiar with, go with that, add your opinions, listen to feedback. That's the long and short of conversations :)

Title	Panic of socializing
Author	anabolic92
Upvotes	3
Comments	4
Date	June 8, 2016 5:56 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4n3l6r/panic_of_socializing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/panic-of-socializing.106616 https://theredarchive.com/post/106616

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