People bringing down your value

sadman81 · 2015-03-25T13:53:45+00:00

It's about finding an appropriate respone.

Exchanging small insults is a standard social interaction in any social groups. With good banter you display your social savyness and general SMV.

It appears that in your case when they launch a jab, you respond with a bazooka. Either with what you're saying or how you're saying it, you're displaying your social awkwardness.

So next time respond more lightly and continue the exchange. It's not easy to develop if it doesn't come naturally, but it's an important skill to have.

balalasaurus · 2015-03-25T13:40:25+00:00

I'm not surprised it was awkward. You're announcing your insecurity to everybody.

There's not only two responses to that situation. Try agreeing and amplifying. It's not like anybody was under the impression that you were tall until it was pointed out.

bicepsblastingstud · 2015-03-25T14:14:48+00:00

So then I reply only if I had fat sausage fingers like yours then the whole table goes quiet and awkwardness ensues.

You're not injecting enough lightness into this. You should be teasing, not actually trying to fuck with people. If you had said "only if I had fat sausage fingers like yours" with a laugh and a [friendly] smile, it wouldn't have become awkward.

If I retort back I'll look like I have a chip on my shoulder

That's because you do have a chip on your shoulder.

1NV0K3R · 2015-03-25T13:01:07+00:00

If they can't take a joke fuck 'em.

Though, you can still use some tact. You have to work on yourself first before you can begin working on others.

NeopolitanAfterglow · 2015-03-25T14:32:53+00:00

All of these problems are rooted in the fact that you care too what others think of you. You probably dealt the sausage fingers comment as a bitter knee jerk instead of a DGAS House M.D. type retort. And if they can still dish it out but not take it, then seriously, dump them.

NeopolitanAfterglow · 2015-03-25T15:06:56+00:00

"No not really, i would like to congratulate you on being able to touch a balloon, Good for you" (pat him on the back) Be sarcastic. Make it look like a huge deal and huge accomplishment when nobody really gives any fucks.

fentrix2 · 2015-03-25T15:41:14+00:00

This is a tricky thing. Especially in a group, when a few people start to do this, they all start to pile in and it becomes a norm. You should respond, you need to come up with some witty comebacks but they need to be witty, or else you will look like you have a chip on your shoulder. As the TRP people say, you should hold your frame, be joking when others are joking at you. But... this is what I do... if someone is being openly aggro, I will sometimes joke back but other times I will go nuclear aggro on them (depends on the person). It needs to be the kind of thing where people say "that escalated quickly" and really this is only for the bully types that keep needling a dead joke over and over, and then when the rest of everyone is like "ok drop it" in their minds, you fight back, because then everyone is happy you stopped the annoying guy pushing his stupid joke for the third time.

throwawaymontreal21 · 2015-03-26T07:26:07+00:00

to the ballon situation i would have said: no but if i ever need a big goofy lookin mutherfucker to reach a balloon for me i know where to find one ...or like ... what was that ? sorry ? what ? whats he saying ? i cant hear you ? what? what ? what ? what? or like shut up you tall for nothing go play some basketball do something with your life dont judge me shiiiiiettt

theres always ways around it .. the rock vs stone cold steve austin . both could control a room but way diff. rock was witty and austin was edgy.

[deleted] · 2015-03-26T13:31:46+00:00

Or simply ignore the jab, face the others, and just carry on the convo like nothing happened.

krustytheclown2 · 2015-03-25T16:53:55+00:00

I constantly insult my friends and they insult me back but it is light hearted in nature. Most of the jokes I make are racist and insensitive but everyone I am speaking to knows I am just joking around. I never try to put down people but I make fun of people...don't know if that makes sense.

I think where you went wrong was that you didn't gauge your response right. Based on what the fat guy said, I don't think he was trying to put you down but to make fun of you. You response conveyed that you were hurt and wanted to hurt him back. Other people have already posted great replies that you probably should have used instead.

I personally think the sausage fingers joke was funny and you probably could have gotten way with saying it but delivery is important so that people know that you are engaging in light banter rather than trading blows. Where you smiling? Or were you aggressive about it? If the latter than people took you seriously which is not what you want in this case.

clawjelly · 2015-03-25T18:49:48+00:00

You could aswell point out the stupidity of his joke, kinda like

"Well, no, i can't touch that. I guess you're either too blind to not see that i'm short or you're too stupid to make the connection. Hmm, looking at you i would guess... blind?"

First: You're showing him how stupid his remark was in the first place, as it's so uncreative and unfunny, you rather chose to take it literal. Second: You show you don't give a shit that you're short, as you're directly pointing out your own weakness to him. Third: You pick the lesser of the two evils for him. So you're the nice guy in this banter. You never really called him stupid! And forth: This only gives him the choice to either agree with you (your win hands down), disagreeing (and agreeing to be called stupid) or just playing upset (worst choice for him, as this displays social insecurity at its best). If he says neither, you just go along with "Okay.. What is it then... Drugs...? Mental illness...? Brain tumor...?" (as nobody sane would make such lame jokes)

You probably have heard all those jokes at one time anyways, so just chill. Accept that you're short, it's only a big deal because you're making it a big deal for yourself, which is why they can tease you withit. Go in with the attitude: "Yes, i'm short, so what?" If the joke was honestly good, agree and congratulate the guy! He deserves it and you come across as the bigger man, metaphorically speaking. If his joke was bad, point that out in a chilled and playful fashion! Examples:

"Really? The short-asian-guy is your angle...? I doubt you earn yourself an academy award for that, my dear friend..." (further playfully lamenting how he'll never be able to thank his parents in an Oscar-speech, etc.) "Congrats, Mr. Homes, you cracked the case: I'm short! Constable Don'Give-a-shit over there hands you your reward..." (Pointing somewhere) "Oh surprise, i'm short. But i promise ya, you wish you were at the next Limbo-contest..." "What...? No, i'm not touching that. Don't know where you've been with these hands..." "Cheezas, guys, is that all you got? 'cause those jokes are so bad, Keane West (or any horrible mainstream singer) wants to do a record with them..." (Equip yourself with a lot of those "so bad"-jokey, those are easy rebuttals. Think of bad singers, scandals, bad sports teams, etc...)

And of course the all-classic: "Yes, i'm short! Thank you, Captain Obvious, for saving the day!"

For the delivery i can recommend to study Craig Fergusson! His deliveries are so amazing that every hot actress he interviews tells him how cute and handsome he is (which he totally isn't), while he tells them about his dick. Seriously, if you can be that cocksure, you could be fat, ugly and short and still get all the girls. And that "Can you touch that?"-joke is so lame, i would have laughed about how lame it is...

Title	People bringing down your value
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	14
Comments	46
Date	March 25, 2015 12:21 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/308tm2/people_bringing_down_your_value/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/people-bringing-down-your-value.147330 https://theredarchive.com/post/147330

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