Relationship boundaries ...

_the_shape_ · 2017-05-31T16:27:43+00:00

Would you prefer finding out what truly is going on with "Joe", "Hogan", and your girl, or would you like to solve this very problem and every other similar one for good?

If it's the former, do not expect an answer from her or anyone for the matter (in fact, you may never even get one), but expect an overwhelming amount of stress, anxiety, anger and frustration. You will bounce around and hit the same walls over and over in this tormenting purgatory if you pursue this route in this scenario and every other one like it in the future.

If it's the latter, you must understand that, even if you set a boundary, a woman will cross it if she is so inclined to do so. A boundary is more for you than it is for her. If she crosses it, you bounce. Boundaries after the fact are quite silly, to be honest. You scolding a girlfriend and then telling her that you will break up with her if she gets fisted in the bathroom of a bar by some biker Chad again is pure tragic-comedy. What you've experienced is not necessarily on par with that, but a strike on her end nonetheless.

You're both in your early 20s, and you've been together for 4 years now. That is a long time in this day and age, and speaking of age, as a guy, your 20s is a time to be cycling from one girl to the next (and I guarantee you she's probably yearning to do the same with other dudes as evidenced with this whole snapchat fiasco)

I'd start setting my sights on another 'ivory coast' if I were you. Get my drift?

Metalageddon · 2017-05-31T16:08:16+00:00

Why are you with her?

You have proof she's lying. Use it. Make moves. There's plenty of girls out there who won't disrespect you like this. (As long as you're actually as valuable as you imply)

Aaren_Augustine · 2017-05-31T16:12:43+00:00

Snap chat and LTR's are a no go. Warnings do very little. Telling her your boundaries was done too late if at all. So what's next in you life? She's already window shopping and it ain't you

TxnyMontana · 2017-05-31T17:15:23+00:00

You still have to ride a looong road my friend. Lot of red flags here, and a few things you're not solving well.

1) she broke up with me but wanted me back 2 weeks later That was kinda enough to me to realize your issue. So she takes 2 weeks as a single girl to do whatever she want without you knowing (trust me, you can never know what she did. Girls are smart) and then when SHE decides that SHE wants you back, she has you.

No, no, no. When a girl break ups with you its: Ok, have a great time and FULL GHOST. Forever and ever. She put a 2 weeks gap between you and her pussy, and you was just there, waiting for her to call you?

2) But now i noticed this "Joe" is in her 3rd place on snapchat Best case scenario she's just flirting. Worst case, they fucked and they're sending nudes at your back. Snapchat is a No. And the boundarie cant be settled now. That kinda stuff has to be established since the beggining. In a alpha way. Saying stuffs like "I can't take seriously a girl who snapchats" or "I dont find really attractive a girl who snapchats" Or the classic "my girlfriend doesnt snapchat".

At this point you realize that if you tell her "don't do this" she will tell you ok sweety, and then doing it anyway. And the best part is that you will end up like an insecure/clibgy/beta boy. So those kinda boundaries doesn't work.

3) You might have oneitis, as is something really common in the early 20's. For god sake, why are you dating her for like 4 years? (please don't say you love her.) This is the best part of your life, dont get attached to someone. Also remember, since AWALT, and like someone here told you "she's probably yearning to do the same with other dudes" take it as granted. It will happen. 100% of the times the girls left you when you start to be confortable/demandant/jealous/insecure/clingy/loving with her.

Anyway, don't want to give you bad vibes bro, just making you see that the pill is not digested in you yet. And i just want you to feel chill, because this kinda relationships (early 20's) are not that serious, and you just don't have to take it as something important.

conclusion: Apply dread + soft next her.

Title	Relationship boundaries ...
Author	SocialMediastuff
Upvotes	1
Comments	19
Date	May 31, 2017 3:48 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6eftl1/relationship_boundaries/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/relationship-boundaries.91905 https://theredarchive.com/post/91905

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