I’m 36, still a virgin, and prior to last year had never dated before. The main reason is that I have debilitating arthritis, which derailed my life badly in my early 20s. I am decent looking, but have a lot of life issues that I assume make me unattractive, so I’ve just given up on that part of life.

Last year I started a new job at a call center, where a very attractive female member of training staff started flirting with me while I was training under her. She started gently and quickly escalated to being overtly sexual. I ignored her and feigned disinterest because I was intimidated by her and thought she was just messing with me, but let her continue because on some level I liked the attention. In private I was always very attracted to her, and over time developed a big crush on her. She was very good at her job, a great mentor when she wasn't telling me what she wanted to do to me, and working with her was my favorite thing about being there. I was bummed when I had to leave training and relocate to another part of the floor, after which I only saw her in the halls or in the break room.

One night in late May, she added me on FB and came on to me hard over messenger. She said she was very attracted to me and that it drove her crazy that I didn’t seem to notice her, and practically begged me to date and hook up with her. I admitted my attraction to her, but told her we weren't a match and that I wasn't interested. I was lying my ass off. We kept talking, and two weeks later I finally agreed to go out with her.

We dated casually for five weeks. As I thought, we weren’t a good match, and worse, I had no idea what I was doing, and made a lot of mistakes in dealing with her. We never had sex. There were opportunities, but I was too timid to escalate. We had more of a warm/affectionate vibe than a sexual connection. I was waiting for her to lead me into it, but I think she wanted me to act like a man and initiate, and nothing ever happened. Awkward as I was, I loved spending time with her, she was a great friend, and there was nothing I wouldn't blow off in a heartbeat to hang out with her. I caught very strong feelings, which I tried to keep to myself, but I’m pretty sure she picked up on it.

In early July, things were beginning to heat up between us, and she made an explicit offer to take my virginity; then, a few days later, overnight, like a switch flipped, she went cold and shut me down in a callous way. She didn’t even have the respect to tell me it was over, just left me to figure it out on my own and make an ass of myself in the process. I made the mistake of continuing platonic contact with her for a few weeks, being a little friendzoned b*tch, until she announced in front of me, among mutual friends, that she had a new fuck buddy whom she was planning to host at her place to hook up with that weekend, which she had previously made plans to spend with me. I was absolutely shattered and stopped talking to her.

At the end of July, the same week that this happened, our call center closed. I got laid off, and she got transferred to the company’s other site a short distance away. We only spoke a few times after her hookup announcement. Because of how I handled myself in those final interactions, I’m sure she’s well aware that I was butthurt as hell. We haven’t spoken since August.

I pined after her for months. Her rejection is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. What once seemed like the best thing that ever happened to me ended in total fucking heartbreak. At this point, I’ve completely, utterly given up hope of ever getting back with her, and would decline even if the impossible happened and she ever showed interest in me again, but I’m still not “over” her. Eight months since I last saw her, I’m still very affected, still very hurt and humiliated. I know I should never see or contact her again.

I got another job in a city far away city that pays about two-thirds as much (due to fewer hours) and has 2-3 times that commute. I’ve been there seven months now. Last week I received a professional email from her. She now works in recruiting. They are hiring former employees who got laid off, and she invited me to call her to schedule an interview. It would be a better work option for me and I need the money, but it would be very stressful for me to see her again. I would be mortified to face her.

Where we used to work, she had rejected a lot of guys, but stayed friendly with all of them, and they all kept giving her attention, which I thought was pathetic. In private she badmouthed some of them to me. I refuse to be one of them. I never want to see or speak to her again.

I wish I could just go there and act indifferent, look her in the eyes, and be totally unphased, and treat her like any other co-worker I don’t give a damn about, but I don’t think I can. I would be highly reactive around her. In my mind I play out this scenario where she tries to make casual conversation with me in the break room, and I tell her to off and that she should be fired for her prior conduct toward me. I’m afraid the emotions are so strong I can’t handle myself and something like that will actually happen.

Help bro. What do I do? Should I apply there? If I do, what’s my strategy for dealing with her? I already know I will never give her attention beyond exchanging pleasantries, but what do I do when she tries to talk to me? She is very social and will talk to anyone within earshot. So either she talks to me and it's awkward for me, or she ignores me and it hurts. Should I just politely tell her to please only speak to me if it’s work related? That keeps her off of me, but exposes my butthurt and gives her more validation. What if she tries to hug me the first time we see each other? I really don’t want to act happy to see her. Advice on what to do much appreciated.

tl; dr: paying the price for having shat where I ate