Gentlemen,

I'm currently experiencing a self imposed conundrum from the result of a series of bad moves that I made over the last couple of years, and I'm trying to get a fresh perspective from trp to get some new insight.

Background: I'm in my early thirties, super high SMV. Former male stripper turned Cybersecurity specialist, I have tons of brains and brawn. Been lifting for eons and I consider my level of fitness "elite". My job pays amazingly well and it's very secure. I've had an abundance mindset for many years, and I always spun a minimum of two plates at all times up until two years ago, when one of my plates was promoted to LTR.

My LTR: As my tastes refined over the years of spinning plates, I eventually grew to know exactly what kind of woman I was ultimately looking for. She's not exactly high tier SMV to everyone, but she is high tier SMV to me. She looks the way I want a girl to look. She's chubby, bisexual, has long blonde hair, and tattoos. She's ~10 years younger than me, which is a problem, since I'm often having to help her with routine life issues.

Our history: Two years ago, while I was spinning my current LTR, I was also spinning three other women at the same time. Eventually, thanks to social media, my plates became wise to each others existence. After the dust had settled, I opted to promote one girl to LTR and dump the rest. This would be my first try at monogamy in eleven years. She forgave me for all of the lying I had done about having other plates, which was a big deal to me. In a moment of weakness, I allowed her to move in with me, as she had just gotten a job in my town. (She made several moves indicating that she wanted to be closer to me, including breaking an apartment lease to move closer to me and applying for jobs in the town I lived in, even before we were ever officially together.)

We lived together, and it wasn't bad. I missed having other women, but overall it was okay. We ended up having several threeways with a hot older woman, which I still consider to be the peak of my sexual experiences, until she eventually started feeling uncomfortable and we stopped. During this period of time, I cheated on her with an ex. I don't know why I did it, I feel like I'm a sexual deviant, but it happened several times before I stopped. Once I stopped doing that, aforementioned ex decided to sabotage my relationship with LTR because she knew I was still with her and decided that she wanted to hurt me.

The results were devastating to the trust she had in me, and even now, almost a year later, I'm still feeling the consequences. Things were not the same after that. She start snooping in my phone, my computer, my closet. She is constantly distrusting of me, and what makes it worse is that no matter how innocent I feel like I am, I always seem to get caught engaging in some behavior that can be considered emotional cheating. I even got caught talking to the ex again.

The Problem: I can only blame myself for the situation I am in. My LTR is having problems coping with what happened, and as a result has these terrible mood swings. She's super nice and sweet one minute, then nasty and hostile the next. I feel bad because my past behavior is causing hers, so I can't write it off as her fault. I'm happy when things are good between us, but every day is a coin flip.

The question: Do I attempt to weather the storm and slowly repair the relationship, or bail? I'm very heavily invested in this relationship, and she has been very forgiving and likewise extremely invested as well, but the question is at what point do you surrender?