Serious question about ending oneitis?

R_E_D_1 · 2014-07-30T00:39:18+00:00

Keep talking to her, but stop initiating contact. If she texts, respond in brief. If she calls, pick up when you're not busy. And, most importantly, don't always be available. If she asks what's different, just laugh and say you've been busy.

Then, make sure there's a reason you're not available. Go out with your male friends. Meet girls. Date. Fuck. Have fun. If this girl is even remotely into you, seeing you having fun and meeting other girls will skyrocket your SMV in her eyes.

And if it doesn't, fuck it. Treat your time with her as an investment in your sexual future in general, not necessarily with her.

AlmostRP · 2014-07-30T01:36:58+00:00

Let it go as a waste.

Here is what you are dealing with: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_costs

Because you've invested time, you feel like investing more time is worth it. In reality, investing more time yields the same chances of success... none in your case.

Move on. Fucking move on.

edit: put the wrong link.

Misteralcala · 2014-07-30T06:19:31+00:00

"We've been friends for 4 years."

This means: "I've been her friend, being there for all of her needs and I really want to fuck her"

A man cannot / should not be friends with a woman unless 3 conditions are met:

He is not sexually attracted to her. At all. Ever. This includes when alcohol is involved and when hanging out alone or sleeping under the same roof. If you have feelings, you need to either escalate and see what happens, GTFO or risk becoming a beta orbiter like you are right now.
There is some beneficial gain to having her around. Does she improve your life and how? What does she add? And does she put as much effort into the friendship as you? To me this sounds like she only takes away by making you feel miserable and heartbroken, while not caring as long as you make time for her. This is not a beneficial friendship for you.
She doesn't introduce unwanted drama. Sure, we love women for their femininity, but there is an ugly side to it that can be characterized in one word: drama. We don't need the drama. Sounds like you are making your own damn drama over her. Not good for you, man. Stop it.

I would suggest ghosting her. Erase her number, delete and block her from FB, delete her email address and do not respond to her. This will hurt, but every healing process does. You need to let her toxin leave your body. Is she toxic? NO. But the feelings you have for her are, so you have to remove the fixation (her) and regain your balance. Mourn her loss like she passed away and when you are ready, you move forward. Seeking her out in the future will reinforce these negative behaviors. She is your drug and the best remedy is cold turkey withdrawal.

Exercise, read TRP, spend your time on worthwhile pursuits, whatever they may be to you, and work on yourself. She will fade into a bittersweet memory but only after you sever ties and let her go. Realize that you aren't in love with her. You're in love with the 'idea' of her. You've put her on a pedestal and built her up in your mind with unrealistic expectations to be more than she is. You have convinced yourself that you need her.

Good luck, man. Lots of us have been there and you will get through it and be wiser for it.

jamieoneal82 · 2014-07-30T00:35:35+00:00

Those 4 years have already been a waste. Sunk costs fallacy.

Move on, bang 10 other chicks.

Title	Serious question about ending oneitis?
Author	imthemanyesiam
Upvotes	6
Comments	7
Date	July 30, 2014 12:05 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2c3dwl/serious_question_about_ending_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/serious-question-about-ending-oneitis.141029 https://theredarchive.com/post/141029

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