Soft next vs explicitly enforcing boundaries?

Whisper · 2021-02-08T00:17:30+00:00

This is the difference between Indifference Game and Control Game.

If you just met her, trying to tell her what to do is autistic. She has low investment in you and can easily just say "no". Then what will you do? Beat her or something? You have no play, and you look like a sperg. In this stage, you ignore minor shit, and next for anything bigger.

When is invested in you, passes compliance tests, and values your opinion of her above that of others, then you must tell her what you expect, because no matter how much she respects you, she's not a mind reader.

trpppp123 · 2021-02-08T00:44:44+00:00

You have to tell her where she fucked up first and then soft next. I wouldn't recommend the ultimatum part though.

"I'm disappointed that you would do [xyz]. I expected more from you" And then withdraw your attention for the next few days.

That being said, a soft next should be very rare and only when the girl is actually invested in you. If you're still newly dating, you don't have that kind of leverage; you'll have to ignore whatever you didn't like or drop the plate.

Give_Praise_Unto_Me · 2021-02-07T19:12:56+00:00

Since when does being explicit with women accomplish anything? They're not dumb. Action over words.

kclanton80 · 2021-02-08T18:33:52+00:00

I think the soft next and being explicit are both useful..... The correct tool for the correct job applies here.

I'm not going to tolerate a woman's disrespect nor am I going to instruc on how to be respectful. Respect should be built in, and this is one of the cases where I would say the medium is the message. If she's being disrespectful it's because she does not respect me. In that case I'm going to move her out of my life...and/ or figure out where I was being weak to Garner such disrespect.

I AM NOT going to negotiate for respect.

Now there's times when you need to explain things to a woman or make your wishes known..... You might tell her that you like a woman that cooks and you expect her to cook for you. You might let her know that she's being a bit messy and needs to clean things up. You might show or teach her how to do something etc Things like that....and she should be receptive to those things.... IF she respects you.

Again if she is not ....you might want employ the soft, or HARD next. So both ways work it's just a matter of understanding which is needed at the time.

AutoModerator · 2021-02-07T18:58:58+00:00

Please Post Your Question to Forums.red/i/askTRP

Browse our tribes and forums, or create your own today on https://www.trp.red free!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

nexther · 2021-02-07T23:02:46+00:00

You don’t talk about boundaries. You have boundaries. And when people cross them... they get punished for it. Via silent treatment, “don’t do __ again”, or worst case... hard next.

2021-02-07T23:25:20+00:00

You can't negotiate a girl's behaviour, trying to do so overtly will just make you look powerless.

Most times a girl will know when she's done something that's unacceptable (i.e. doesn't put out, acts obnoxious, is late) if you immediately withdraw your attention. This is how you train them, not through explicitly stating your standards.

Title	Soft next vs explicitly enforcing boundaries?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	11
Date	February 7, 2021 6:58 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/lesusn/soft-next-vs-explicitly-enforcing-boundaries/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/soft-next-vs-explicitly-enforcing-boundaries.1597209 https://theredarchive.com/post/1597209

Comments

Please Post Your Question to Forums.red/i/askTRP