RP for about 3 years. Having suicidal thoughts. Recently moved away from a psychological abusive mom’s boyfriend and bought a new house with mom. Never met my real father. Had a nice step father but he was an alcoholic and died when I was young. Moved around a lot as a kid and dealing with a psychologically abusive “father figure” I think has created a lot of issues. Lot of pressure at 21 years old with bills, house maintenance, running a business, trying to not lose it all and more. All the sudden I’m getting an influx of clients that while I understand their point of view it seems like all the sudden everyone is turning on me. Also starting to see that my mom is very subtle manipulator and gas lighter. No one around me that I really feel I can talk to or ask for help. I feel like I would always be known as the guy who was suicidal and couldn’t keep his shit together. As a result of all this I go on multiple day binges where I leave for Skyrim land or Dota 2 land and then regret it after because I know what I should be doing but don’t. Feel like I don’t want to disappoint my family, especially my grandparents which I really love but that’s really all that’s stopping me.