Thinking about ejecting from relationship (Master/slave dynamic)

HS-Thompson · 2017-12-09T11:52:20+00:00

You are trying to use reason and argument to influence her thinking and behavior. Stop now, that's not how any of this works.

You influence her behavior with a paddle. Stop texting like this, get her to physically submit to you completely, physically punish her for her bratty behavior, and then issue new instructions.

If she remains bratty or the dynamic doesn't settle down withdraw attention. There are only two ways to give negative reinforcement when training women: physical pain or withdrawal of attention.

Lady_Of_Nil_Repute · 2017-12-09T14:09:38+00:00

Non-live-in M/s relationships are extremely difficult to do. I'd argue potentially impossible to do, so consider at most doing a D/s or a DD/bg. The intensity of the M/s dynamic makes it very hard for the slave to be that vulnerable, open, and give up that much power while still getting what she needs (comfort, protection, structure) from her Master without him being present the majority of the time.

You are right that punishments aren't helpful if they don't stop bad behavior. I'm not a fan of "funishments" myself. It encourages girls to be brats, to act up for attention. When my Master punishes me, it is awful, crushing, and very efficient. It is also extremely rare as a look or verbal warning is all it takes 99% of the time. Rule 6 of The 16 Commandments of Poon says "punish swiftly, reward slowly." Without being there in person to respond immediately, punishments are more difficult. Consider at least having her punish herself on camera for you.

I strongly recommend being careful when ignoring a girl in D/s relationships. Radio silence can be genuinely traumatizing. I have ended a couple D/s relationships over being ignored for misbehavior because instead of it feeling like a punishment, it feels like neglect, like he doesn't care. That only increases our neediness and the amount of comfort testing we (unconscious/consciously) do. Instead, saying things like "I am very disappointed in you. We will discuss this tomorrow after you have considered your behavior." or "you know better. Think about why you disobeyed me and text me at X to explain your actions and why you won't do it again." Structure is important vs leaving her blowing in the wind, getting more and more anxious and irrational. That way you withdraw affection and punish her, but let her know that there is an end to it (give structure.)

How often were you seeing this girl? How long had you been seeing her? Something like M/s is also something you want to enter into slowly, over a period of several months. Start out with D/s, figure that out, and then move more into a TPE. The tendency is to jump in fast, and that almost always ends up burning both parties.

Triadis3 · 2017-12-09T11:12:50+00:00

Sounds like she's a "bratty" sub that eggs you on to funishment her.

You have to be careful here because the power dynamic can flop into her "topping from the bottom" aka you are doing what you do in response to her behaviour, not modifying her behaviour because of your expectations.

So, basically she is running the show.

It can lead to lack of respect for the Dom, and once that's gone, it's gone forever.

Do not move in. Your roles are suspect, and a 24/7 M/s dynamic is difficult even with a "pleaser" sub.

I recommend you take the wheel for a while and show her that her master really is her master. Break her.

If you can't tame the wild horse, then you don't deserve to ride said horse.

nomyconcept · 2017-12-09T21:14:52+00:00

Only thing I can think of is that subs need structure in order to function. If you are telling her she is not allowed to touch herself without any repercussions if she does, she will be confused.

Setting up rules and enforcing those rules with punishments (funishments for non serious digressions) is what makes her feel like you are in control and that you care about her behaving (behaving the way YOU want her to). She will think that you literally don't care whether or not she obeys those rules. If you don't care, why did even make the rules in the first place? She will think if you don't care about her obeying the rule, the rule can't be important for her to become what you want of her. From her perspective your behavior is inconsistent which makes her question you.

TDCRedPill · 2017-12-09T14:10:10+00:00

They're comfort tests of sorts, that she feels you're failing. From her point of view, she's asking for your help to get the dynamic better for both of you.

She needs a way to show you her need for whatever punishment she needs, and a way to do that that won't hurt the relationship. She both wants the punishment and doesn't want to upset you, which is a good thing.

List a couple of things she can do that doesn't really bug you but you can make a big deal out of: Licking your cheek. Farting. Calling you a pet name. These are things you're going to make clear that is not acceptable and will be punished immediately and swiftly. Now, you have things to watch out for that clearly say 'I need you to correct me' when she needs it, and it'll be hotter for her the more passionate (I dont want to say 'angry', but you need to go from 0 to bust ass immediately) you do it.

As it is, she seems nervous because she doesn't know what things will get her ass beat, and what things will make you disconnect and drop her. Some behaviors are met with punishment, some are met with you being angry and cutting contact. She needs to know how to do the first without the second.

She's got a point, the communication from you sucks.

Whisper · 2017-12-09T17:18:18+00:00

Dude...

You suck at this.

Never be passive-aggressive to a slave. You don't have to be. You own her. Tell her exactly what you want her to do, and make her do it.

In this conversation, you are treating her like a regular Tinder slut... trying to influence her with fear of your withdrawal. You do that with Tinder sluts because that's the only hold you have over them. You don't do it with slave girls. You tell them what to do.

She isn't demanding the right to have an orgasm. She is asking, begging, you to let her give feedback without you pulling this passive aggressive bullshit.

You make the decisions for both of you. That means she needs you to be able to hear what's going on with her, so you can make informed decisions about what she will do. As her owner, it is your right to make her suffer. But she needs to be able to tell you when she is suffering, or afraid, and she needs to be able to do it without you losing your shit.

You are acting like this because you lack confidence in your ability to control her, and this will eventually cost her your respect.

"Listen, girl. I know that this will be hard for you. But you need to understand that orgasms are privilege, not a right. You are property, you do not have rights. You will have release if and when I decide. I will permit you to beg for it. I will permit you to tell me when it's hard, and I will listen. I may even decide to allow you release. But that will be based on my judgement, not yours. Your body does not belong to you, it belongs to me. If you can demonstrate your understanding of that, I will be more inclined to reward you. If not, I will have to be strict until you do understand it. You may speak freely about your feelings on this now, although for the moment I will not be withdrawing my order."

BluffButt · 2017-12-09T10:53:57+00:00

This is actually pretty interesting. It would depend on your own discretion. What’s the end goal of your decision for adding the punishment. How did you think it would affect you, her, and the relationship. Do you see an alternate solution that you are afraid of going towards? Is it possible to find a win/win solution?

TakeEverything · 2017-12-09T14:10:48+00:00

Note: I’ve followed RP material since before it was on Reddit, and I have two live-in, 24/7 slaves that have been with me for several years.

She wants punishment to feel like she can be forgiven.

You come across as a little passive-aggressive and butthurt when you’re just meaning to be concise. It’s not your intention, but you’re essentially not being fun on any level, which leads to a massive lack of comfort, which is something sorely needed here.

You can receive her input and let her know that you’re taking it under consideration without it being the case that she’s running the show.

Ignore any comments to “break her” or similar. She’s already broken. Now you get to fix her and rebuild her to become her potential.

Good luck.

Paging /u/whisper

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2017-12-09T19:55:09+00:00

Abuse is by definition nonconsensual By suggested abuse she is permanently withdrawing her consent. Period, trust is gone.

You trusted her to tell you when boundaries were crossed for her and she chose not to do so.

There is no gray area here.

S/M isn't for people who are unclear on the concept of consent, or think they can bend the single most important rule when they feel like it.

She needs to fucking go, now.

At the very least you need to take a break for several weeks, while in all seriousness make it clear to her that she cannot play fucking games with this rule, or she's done.

beta_no_mo · 2017-12-09T22:50:58+00:00

She seems like a good candidate for a DD/lg instead of Master/slave. Daddy can give her the structure she wants and the domination she craves while also giving her the comfort she needs.

Johnny_Wins · 2017-12-09T12:59:50+00:00

Oh god I only needed to read the texts to know: you want to next, mate

masterown · 2017-12-09T18:46:19+00:00

Thanks for all the comments every one Im going to read them thoroughly after work tonight.

Title	Thinking about ejecting from relationship (Master/slave dynamic)
Author	masterown
Upvotes	2
Comments	15
Date	December 9, 2017 10:30 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7im3cr/thinking_about_ejecting_from_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/thinking-about-ejecting-from-relationship.119764 https://theredarchive.com/post/119764

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