I had kind of a fucked up childhood and I have a habit of assuming the worst/distrusting. I overthink shit and blow up on my LTR for no reason even though all is good with her and she has repeatedly earned my trust and never broken it.

For example she invited some friends to her family’s cabin for a weekend (I was busy so I couldn’t go) and one of them was bringing a boyfriend. I got pissed and confronted her because she didn’t ask me first and I assumed they would be drinking or some shit, but they were just doing shit like kayaking and other stuff. All she was doing was bringing some friends along, but I assumed there were sneaky intentions there for no reason.

And then this week I told her to send me some nudes. She told me she would send them when she got home from her cousins house. She hadn’t sent them by 10 PM that night and I assumed she forgot to send them and escalated to the point where I was telling her I could leave her ass at any time. She was just at her cousins house later than expected and was planning to send them as soon as she got home.

You get the picture.

She has repeatedly earned my trust but I still assume the worst about her. It’s like that trusting part of my brain is missing. All of this is making her think I don’t trust her and she ends up crying about it. So I’m the asshole here

I’m working on calming down about this shit and being more self aware. I’ve started meditating and all. But still, every time one of these situations arises I have that subtle distrusting feeling in my gut that grows if I don’t resolve it, usually by confronting her or even blowing up on her. There is the option of clarifying with her but it can make me look pretty weak and insecure if I’m always asking this and that. And if I don’t say anything then it just broods and leads to passive distrusting behavior on my end.

What are my options to be able to trust her more, strengthen my inner game, and genuinely control my own paranoia to the point where I’m not getting worked up over stupid shit? Clearly her earning my trust doesn’t work because I still assume the worst every time.

She suggested couples therapy. Seems like some bullshit but maybe I should see a therapist, I dunno