I am trying to seriously dig down to what is wrong with me. I've been had a great upbringing, I am good looking, I'm athletic and I am good at what I do. Girls are attracted to me yet, I miss my ex who basically abused me, treated me like shit, slapped me, called me a retard, sounds childish but after 8 months that's what the relationship came to. No doubt she was a stunning princess who was also on a sports scholarship. That ruined me, and I found the red pill. I changed (a bit for the better) and I met a girl post ex two years later.

She reminded me of my ex's good features and I hadn't found any bad things about her. Ofcourse knowing my luck, I had to move to Europe and leave her behind in North America. As I go about my life here… I go to work, I play soccer at a good level, and I facetime this girl in America everyday. On the side I bang girls, hot girls, but I feel nothing. I miss my ex, I miss this girl, I'm fucked up. I don't know what to do anymore. Genuinely. It's starting to get to me how depressed I feel, I know I could have a future with this girl if she was here or I there, but we aren't and I doubt it will be. I don't like the girls here in the U.K - Fucking nasty, and I don't feel at home.

I bought Jordan Peterson's Self-Authoring program hoping this could answer some questions, but im starting to think im a lost case. Its like I want whats bad for me or impossible for me… to somehow overcome the challenge. I don't know if that's right? Whilst I currently see and sleep with this pretty girl who went to a top University and is hot, once I bang her and she sleeps over I want nothing to do with her.

I don't know what to do anymore. I really - really - really don't.