No, really?

Last 2-3 weeks I've been detoxed, lifting on a consistent schedule, eating healthy for a bulk, socializing and generally - feeling the best I've felt in my whole life. I even went on a date last night after a dry period. I did a lot of things correctly, and some -not so well, but I did have a pretty good time. I got her to my apartment after an insane amount of LMR, yet I couldn't close the deal. I'm not even gonna hamster myself with excuses, even though there probably are some legitimate reasons outside my control.

Fine, took notes of my mistakes and will correct them on next opportunities, but that's not why I wrote this post. What if I "did" succeed? Nothing would have really changed except I'd have gotten a dopamine rush. What exactly is the end goal?

Now I'm not saying that the end goal for me is succeeding with women, or that my happiness should rely on a woman. I think the "end goal" is constantly improving myself, which I am doing and it has really shown in my daily life, and yet... what's the point? I'm "happy", but what's the point? Is there no end goal?

Perhaps an end goal is a mission, but what's the point of a mission? I'm gonna die anyways, even if I do leave a legacy, what's the point of legacy? It all feels a bit meaningless...

Even this post is meaningless, I already know the comments - "You're stuck in anger phase" etc, hell, stuck would be the wrong word, perhaps I just entered it. I sure hope there's an "exit" somewhere...