When is being an asshole too much?

xNightly · 2018-09-18T21:37:58+00:00

There's a difference between being a blatant asshole and an asshole. I tease the shit out of every girl I come across but make it very clear it's all in joking manner and that works.

HIJKelemenoP · 2018-09-19T07:38:39+00:00

Stop being an asshole. Be confident. Be straight forward. Speak your mind. Stop being an asshole

UpperRedSide · 2018-09-18T22:07:37+00:00

Push.

Pull.

Push.

Pull.

Do NOT over neg a girl or you'll wound her and she'll want nothing to do with you ever.

I speak from experience.

Peter_B_Long · 2018-09-18T22:27:41+00:00

You're hitting the gas too hard. There's the playful asshole that people want to gain approval from, then there's the straight up asshole that people want to stay away from.

wanker7171 · 2018-09-18T23:11:29+00:00

I've been seeing is acting like an asshole to people.

there's a massive difference between being playful and being an asshole. If you get told you're being an asshole, you're probably just being an asshole. Being playful is a refined way of communicating that sits on the line of joking and actually being an asshole. If you really believe you're just being playful then you should be able to amplify whatever frame you're using until the other person realizes you're kidding. You'll know if you're doing it right when you get responses like "Wait, really?"

onionbootyfan · 2018-09-18T23:48:58+00:00

It's equal parts delivery/confidence/phrasing/body language.

monkey_typist · 2018-09-19T00:02:40+00:00

It's not about being an asshole. It's about watching out for yourself as #1.

Here's the misconception. I'm nice and I get used. True. I see asshole guy he keeps getting women. Well, that's because asshole guy has game and looks hot and has a fast car. His attractiveness is greater than his asshole-ness. But asshole-ness is still a negative trait, just not enough to bring him down.

So you can be an asshole if you want, but that's something you should do ONLY AFTER you figured out the game. Then optionally you can be an asshole up to just below the level that you are attractive, and still get women.

The caveat is some people are good at playing the negative game, for example attacking a woman's self esteem by making her feel worthless, and you are the one there talking to her, and this is as good as she's going to get, for example. I don't know how this game works and I assume you don't either, so if this is how you want to play you have to get this information elsewhere.

Assuming you don't want to play the negative game, then know that being an asshole is a negative trait no matter how you slice and dice it. What you should do instead of being an asshole, is to ask yourself, what am I getting out of this. What you want is #1. Be selfish. But, when you're not getting what you want, you would disarm the situation with civility and politeness, then extricate yourself and walk away. Don't be nice, because you should only be nice to yourself, or to someone that has already given you what you want. Never be nice as a "barter" for something you want, because you're not going to get it. But not being nice also doesn't mean be an asshole. You can always be neutral.

But no matter what you do, perception is king. So do everything with civil politeness. You can be selfish but respectable at the same time, if you manage your perception right, or sometimes even not-so-right.

Here's the key concept. People don't value free stuff. If you give away something for free, then it's perceived as worthless. So don't give away ANYTHING for free, even when it's not a big deal to you. This is where nice fails, because nice is often perceived as worthless.

So don't be nice. However, being an asshole, is optional, but needs to be managed carefully. Playing the asshole game is like telling a racist joke. If you don't do it right, then you just come off as a racist.

Your question was pretty general so I hit on some common points. Maybe they apply, maybe they don't.

LackToesToddlerAnts · 2018-09-18T21:29:17+00:00

Being an asshole is always too much. Why are you acting like an asshole?

Being an asshole screams insecurity. Don't be a dick to people; you can still roast them, make fun of them, or tease them in a way where you are not laughing at them but laughing with them.

creating_my_life · 2018-09-18T22:03:06+00:00

and a common theme I've been seeing is acting like an asshole to people.

That's literally NOWHERE in TRP. Can you please link to the sidebar content in which you believe it's telling you to "act like an asshole"?

Title	When is being an asshole too much?
Author	guavagoat_
Upvotes	2
Comments	17
Date	September 18, 2018 9:24 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9gyxzs/when_is_being_an_asshole_too_much/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/when-is-being-an-asshole-too-much.133338 https://theredarchive.com/post/133338

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