Work Christmas Party - Drunk Co-worker

MMASpartan77 · 2019-12-19T07:46:15+00:00

She was trying to abuse her power to sleep with you. Duh.

Basic TRP: ignore. Act like it never happened. Thankfully nothing much did. Other people saw and rescued you, she's already suffered reputational damage.

Advanced TRP: use as leverage for a better work life.

Sperg move: complain to hr now citing male rights.

frognads · 2019-12-19T07:02:11+00:00

Why are you taking what a drunk woman said seriously? Just sounds like she's trying to fuck with you.

I would recommend building an exit plan just in case she was being honest, or even start applying for other jobs. Sounds like you rely on this company too much.

UEMcGill · 2019-12-19T12:39:28+00:00

Please note: my team is mostly composed of females (manager, director, etc) so gossip definitely happens in the office (keep this in mind for the following info).

This is a very important piece of info.

When I was early in my career, I worked in an R&D environment as one of the few engineers. I was also one of the few men in the building. Same as you I had nothing by high marks on my performance review. Yet the feedback to my manager was, "He's not a team player." "He's condescending". Even, "He's a bit chauvinistic"

Now I had never said anything remotely chauvinistic, or condescending. So what was my offense? I openly spoke and communicated like a man.

If a woman I was working with had a problem with her product, I would simply tell her, "Oh, here's where you were wrong. Your product failed" But what she heard was, "Here's where you suck, here's why you're a failure"

Women work in teams and work to form social cohesion.

Law 38, Think as you like but behave as others

So in a predominantly female environment, learn to approach interpersonal interactions from one of cohesion and establishing a good social report.

UNC Women's head soccer coach was once asked how as a man he was able to be one of the most successful women's team coaches of all time. He emphasized focusing on relationships as much as skills.

So while she may be saying your performance is lacking, what she may actually be trying to tell you is, your relationship performance is lacking.

in vino veritas

BBRpill · 2019-12-19T10:53:33+00:00

My initial plan was to book a 1 on 1 meeting with my manager tomorrow and tell her directly, “this is what was said, it’s pretty concerning especially since the person told me that you specifically were not happy with me” “this info also conflicts with my performance review, and our team as a whole because if true, it appears I’m not welcomed here

Don't do it, that's a big beta move. Ignore what your co-worker said and just go on with your work...

Ohboohoolittlegirl · 2019-12-19T07:09:16+00:00

[deleted]

MMASpartan77 · 2019-12-19T06:42:40+00:00

Yeah that's awkward but pretty standard womanly behavior. she could be jealous, trying to start shit, trying to connect with you, who knows. I wouldn't take anything she said seriously though. It's good other people saw and intervened though. Talking with your manager like you planned might be a good step, get it on record in case she tries some other shit against you. Like you suspect, there's a lot of bullshit here and now you are left to unpack it.

Edit: I just saw you said your manager is a woman too. Maybe it's best not to say anything under the circumstances. Welcome to the modern equal opportunity workplace.

RedSkeller · 2019-12-19T15:05:48+00:00

Chiming in here with my take, women in general can't say anything or do anything without making it about themselves in some way. Which is why she mentioned she broke up with her ex, it was all a ploy for you to sleep with her. No woman really 'cares' about anyone, especially a co-worker beneath them - more than likely she wanted to sleep with you and was throwing out this sort of language to bait you into something. Carry on as usual.

MMASpartan77 · 2019-12-19T14:55:03+00:00

I see what you mean. How can I obtain the behaviours and skills you mentioned above?

RPNorvell · 2019-12-19T16:07:04+00:00

Trying to apply logic and add weight to shit a drunk woman said at a party.

No. It didn't happen.

Herdsengineers · 2019-12-19T17:58:40+00:00

I'd recommend ignoring it. Just be composed and cool at work about it. Don't bring it up. If someone else does, just be gracious and not talk shit about said drunk co-worker. Say that for your part, your good, your job and work you're doing is good, so no problems.

Beyond that - grey rock it (means be as engaging and exciting as a grey rock about it), be BIFF (brief, informative, friendly, factual), and move on.

Last bit of advice - never listen to a woman. They're usually full of shit and manipulation, especially at work. In this case, she was trying to generate some kind of emotional engagement/entanglement with you. Could have been for some work games she's playing, she might have wanted a dicking down in the moment, who knows? Don't try to figure it out the details of what she wanted. They don't matter relative to what you need to do moving forward.

MMASpartan77 · 2019-12-19T18:15:27+00:00

Thank you for the advice! She didn’t even show up to work today ... but yes I agree and appreciate your advice.

oldslut · 2019-12-19T09:53:43+00:00

totally ignore the whole thing. forget about.

you should anyway ignore most, if not all of what women say, and watch what they do.

aDrunkenWhaler · 2019-12-19T16:52:34+00:00

Next time this happens, record it. She embarresed herself so there is no telling how she will try to spin this around to save face and make it look like it was your fault. If she is crazy enough to do what she did, she is crazy enough to lie her tits out. The people that 'saw' what happen donxt know what they saw, and won't say shit if they risk putting themselves in a bad position.

What you do now is act like nothing happened and hope she will do the same. When you see her, have a friendly vibe and do not mention anything. If she somehow brings it up or keeps acting weird around you, thank her for the input and for being a good friend giving you the feedback. Yes, seriously, thank her. She is probably freaked out for embaressing herself, and this will easy her mind enough to move on.

Also, avoid to put yourself in these kind of situations.

yettymonkey · 2019-12-19T12:40:17+00:00

Go to HR and say that she cornered you. She touched you WITHOUT PERMISSION so in their world that counts as SEXUAL HARASSMENT. If your manager and HR do not stand beside you on this then their jobs are on the line. Make it clear you felt threatened and not safe due to HER ACTIONS where there were MULTIPLE witnesses. If that had been you then your ass would have been dragged to HR ASAP and more then likely fired. This bitch will see to it that your time at work is coming to an end due to HER fuck up. Go on the offensive now before she does and while other WOMEN who were there will back you up. Or you can keep being her beta bitch till she eventually runs you out of there.

Don_Draper27 · 2019-12-19T17:02:59+00:00

Drunk female co-worker cornered me at the work Christmas party, told me that I need to step up my work

Your response should've been, "Let's not talk about work during this Christmas Party. We can set a meeting next week if you need to express your concerns."

She also told me how she was going through a rough time because she broke up with her ex at the beginning of the year and I stopped her and said “okay so what does this have to do with me stepping it up at work?”.

Replied with, "Sorry to hear, now, can you please step aside so I can move through."

they saw her grab my arms so I couldn’t leave,

I would've assertively told her to get her hands off me and to step aside.

So guys my question now is.... where the hell do I go from here? My initial plan was to book a 1 on 1 meeting with my manager tomorrow and tell her directly, “this is what was said, it’s pretty concerning especially since the person told me that you specifically were not happy with me” “this info also conflicts with my performance review, and our team as a whole because if true, it appears I’m not welcomed here (play the victim card a bit)

Definitely set the meeting with your manager and maybe even HR and tell them what happened and who the witnesses where. I would definitely let them know that she was harassing you and putting her hands on you.

This is unacceptable. If this was a male manager doing this to a female that dude would've been in the back of a cop car.

HurricaneHugues · 2019-12-19T21:21:00+00:00

"(I don’t really know this girl that well outside of work, I keep my personal life and work life separate"

That's clearly a fucking lie, since you showed up to the "work Christmas party" being attended by a staff composed mostly of women.

"My initial plan was to book a 1 on 1 meeting with my manager tomorrow and tell her directly, “this is what was said, it’s pretty concerning especially since the person told me that you specifically were not happy with me” “this info also conflicts with my performance review, and our team as a whole because if true, it appears I’m not welcomed here"

Horrible idea. A direct confrontation with a woman is a waste of time. If the rumors ate true she will deny it anyways and then fire you over some bullshit later on. If the rumors aren't true she will take thus confrontation as a personal attack and burn both of you clowns. You can't win with fenale management. Your best bet is to find another place to work that has more testosterone in it.

Title	Work Christmas Party - Drunk Co-worker
Author	MMASpartan77
Upvotes	13
Comments	34
Date	December 19, 2019 6:23 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ecpbnj/work_christmas_party_drunk_coworker/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/work-christmas-party-drunk-co-worker.300996 https://theredarchive.com/post/300996

Comments

"(I don’t really know this girl that well outside of work, I keep my personal life and work life separate"