Hello everyone,this is my first post on reddit and i’m sorry in advance if i’m going to break any unknown rules or anything. 7 Years ago i met my first love that in the end made me suffer a lot forcing me to even make a couple of tattoos on my chest to remember me everyday not to fall in the same crap again,this relationship made me being a little bit mysoginistic and for all this timeline i avoided EVERY kind of girl and with it everykind of relationship because in reality i didn’t want to suffer again. After a lot of travels around the world work related(australia/germany/dubai/UK/and now France)i meet this italian girl(which is not the topic)and i start dating her,after we have sex she goes into a trip to London telling me right before,i won’t pm you and i won’t even talk to you,we’ll see eachother directly when i come back to france,immediately i stop everything,some days after i start to talk with a collegue(female)and we do share the same point of wiev,we share the same thoughts and i start to get SO attracted to her,she tells me that she’s in a bad relationship with her boyfriend and i do start giving her some advices(as a friend and to be honest cuz i wanted more). Day by day we keep chatting on watsapp and we start to go out for a beer untill,one day she comes to me and kisses me,then she runs away. I’m totally fucked. The day after we go to a friend house and after we drink and we have some weed we leave together,in the corridor all of sudden the timeline light shuts down,i grab her from behind and kiss by kiss we have a passionate sex with bites right infront of a house’s door. I keep getting attached to this woman more and more day by day,we keep going out,we kiss,we hug we share feelings,we look eachother in the eyes and we are so happy,i missed this happiness for so long and for a while it actually made my life less empty. One day she asks me to spend a night together into an hotel just me and her,it was so beautiful,so natural and so passionate that when she wakes up in the morning she looks at me smiles,hugs me and puts her head on my chest,it’s a night i will never forget. The simple thought that she’s going away from me during the night to go in the same house of her boyfriend makes me insane(During everything we had she and her BF took a long break and now their relationship is over,at least she says,for 3 years sharing the same house and a car with this guy). I come to the point that i wake up and the first thought of the day is for her,i’m definitely in love with her so my heart forces me to understand how far she wants to go. She needs time but i can’t help myself to pm her and know if she’s ok,i’m a very emphatic guy and when a person i care of suffers i suffer too. She goes to her family out of town for a week and during this time when i pmed her stuff like i miss you she ignored it for days and i start to get crazy. I ask myself,what the hell is going on? I start to get nervous,sad and i seriously don’t know what to do,i’m frozen. On Monday she comes back from this trip and when i go buy the cigarettes next to the place we work together i find her on the phone crying like a baby(her boyfriend confessed her that he cheated on her multiple times FROM THE FIRST DAY THEY WERE TOGETHER). I’m like,wow,what a guy,well…..i think this is good for me,thank god all of this might be over,jesus christ. From that day EVERYTHING CHANGED. She start to ask for more time alone,she avoides every kind of physical connection between me and her,she rejects the kisses then the hugs and when i even start to ask her what the FUCK is going on she start sto get mad and tells me I NEED TIME TO DISCOVER MYSELF. Now : i was clear from the very first day when i told her,look : i’m burned and my heart has been ripped off once,if you decide to do this(that was after the kiss) remember that nobody is allowed to play with my feelings,and she replied with a don’t worry i won’t. This Shiet is going on for 2 months now untill yesterday i asked her if she would fight this mad battle alongside me,i need to feel motivated to wait her take a decision,and i need a reason to keep believing in us,she answered me : i won’t fight for anyone now i need to RE discover myself. We spent wonderful times together,we were happy and then one day she decided to take everything dumping it in the deepest pit existent on earth. I took a decision yesterday,i’m going to wait trying not to care and i will definitely start trolling her hard..

Friend of mine suggested me the red pill which is the more negative,thank you guys,waiting for an answer