It is now three weeks since my original declaration to do monk mode, and this week's result are a bit of a mixed bag. Let's see what happened.

  • Focus on three main hobbies: reading, writing, programming:
    • Reading: Finally gave up on Lord of the Rings. The characters are written in a way that I can't emotionally connect or relate to them. It couldn't hold my attention. I have switched to Asimov's Prelude to Foundation, and it's proving to be much more interesting. I am beginning to think I'm devoting too much time to reading though, because I can't seem to dedicate the full hour a day. Most likely I'll switch to a half hour.
    • Writing: It's been sporadic. A recurring issue I've had is a lack of privacy, which I'll explain more after the list. I feel uncomfortable writing when there are people around, as it's a personal act. I've managed about 3,000 words.
    • Programming: A bit less sporadic. I've reached a hard part of my project and it's taking a lot of effort to get over it. I'm sure I'll make it but it won't be easy. Part of this is obstructed by lack of privacy. My mother likes to ask what I'm working on, but I don't like talking about it.
  • Reading RP literature:
    • I got started with The Book of Pook, but it's been a few days since I sat down and read. Again, due to lack of privacy. This is not the kind of stuff my parents would want to see me reading about. They have very confused, conservative feelings about these things.
    • Did some reading about Machiavellianism and shit tests on Illimitable Men. Don't have a routine for blog reading up, though.
  • Cutting junk social media:
    • Still using social media sites a lot. It's just filler for not having anything else to do. But, I have made some adjustments. Now my default link for Facebook is a custom list with 11 people (as opposed to 150). My default link for Twitter is a list with 50 people, which I think can be trimmed down to just people I know IRL. I have a multireddit in place which has just a handful of reddits.
  • Physical activity:
    • WTF, still haven't gotten into that walking routine. I blame the inconsistency of my morning wake up. I need to find some kind of way to stabilize my days. I do have some podcasts loaded onto my phone.
  • Physical discomfort:
    • Yep, the temperature is hiking back up to the 80s. Even in the house, I sweat when I'm sitting still.
    • Meal times are less varying than before. Breakfast is 9-10, lunch is 12-1, dinner is stabilizing at 6.
    • On the note of food, I am taking my first steps at healthier eating. I didn't jump right into the meal plan but I have started implementing parts of it. I've scarcely touched a Hot Pocket or TV dinner all week.
    • Fapped twice. Zoe Colotis is an attractive woman.

Privacy Issues

I've been struggling with a lack of privacy and personal space the past week. Background: my mother used to sleep on the living room couch, and I slept in my own room. However her back has become too hurt for her to deal with the couch. There are two beds in my bedroom (I used to share the room with my brother). It was originally planned that when I got home from college last month, her and I would be roommates. I found that inappropriate, and now I sleep on the couch.

Up until this week I would just go in the bedroom during the day. However one of the cats peed on the couch and now "someone needs to stay out here so he doesn't do it again." Plus whenever I tried going in the bedroom I'd often hear "You don't have to go hibernate." I'd usually still go in the room but it feels like a guilt trip tactic from her.

It really sucks being in the living room all the time. I'm an introvert. I need to be able to get away from people and the public eye. I need to have my own space. I didn't have that in college (shared a dorm), and now I don't have it at home. Instead I'm in the living room, where people and animals constantly disturb my sleep, and during the day when my mother isn't running in and out the door, she's trying to talk to me or ask me what I'm working on my computer. She just talk talk talks. I just want her to leave me alone.

I want to stay in the bedroom during the day. But I don't know how to explain to my parents that I don't like being in the living room, that I want to be alone. My mother in particular seems to be constantly trying to talk or guilt me into being in the living room. It's exhausting. Even if I did explain it to her, I don't think she'd really care. She'd keep trying.

On one hand, this is really fucking uncomfortable. And discomfort is part of monk mode, right? On the other hand, it's hampering me from doing other things because I'm getting interrupted or pried on.

Family Frame

Usually when people here talk about holding frame, it's in regards to attracting women. But I think in this case, I'm failing to hold frame against family, particularly my mother. Frame is the sum of your beliefs, values, will, etc. And I do not appear to be holding frame well.

Maybe the solution is to re-assert my frame. I want to be alone. I am the only one who can make that happen. Instead of letting family get under my skin I need to assert my own needs and wants.