I’m insecure with myself I’m insecure with my masculinity Usually I’m pretty stoic but I get frustrated as fuck, I feel like it’s beta to get mad, to get frustrated. I’ve never had a girlfriend before. I feel like I have imposter syndrome. I have a good vibe, but that vibe gets fucked up, because of the self negative attitude I have. I have this stupid negative attitude. I have an inferiority complex. Idk wtf is wrong with me.
For those wondering, I just turned 23, I’m 6’3, go to the gym every day and have a good body, I’ve been told I’m handsome and have nice eyebrows a million times so I got that going, I’m pretty honest with myself and can say I am good looking for sure. I’ve pulled hot babes my whole life. But I don’t have a strong sense of self, my frame, the most important frame there is, is weak. I have all these self issues, that I created, that I need to destroy. When I look at other aspects of my life, everything is good.. really. I run a multi six figure Ecom business, I have multiple sources of income, I’m on my way to getting approved for my first mortgage loan within the next 6 months and finally moving out of my parents, I have great social skills, I’ve been told I’m funny a bunch of times, so I got a lot of compliments.. but I have a thought where I go.. why am I like this? Why am I so mad all the time? Why can’t I just be happy and confident in myself? For someone who’s tall, good looking, successful entrepreneur, good social skills, can make friends with any strangers, can approach women and chat them up and get their number (which I have done plenty of times at the gym, in public, at school, etc.) Back to the question, why? When everything in my life is good? Like really good? ✅go to the gym ✅successful entrepreneur ✅good looking with great social skills/charisma
And then I try and identify the roots of my mental issues, and it comes down to having a pornography addiction from the young ripe age of 12, while simultaneously not having a sex life, ever, I had some hookups here and there, but never smashed.. Sometimes I stop and go.. everything is fine, everythjng is good, why can’t I just be happy and confident in myself and have a strong frame and be secure with my self and my masculinity? Besides that, I was heavily bullied in school since the 1st grade. Ever since I was 8 years old which was the first time I saw that a girl had interest in me.. (we were both 8-9 yrs old, we were in a tent camping, and she said she wanted me to kiss her, I was scared and left the tent) I look back at that and it worries me, because I’ve always had mental blocks and have had trouble escalating with women, it comes down to insecurity, I feel like pornography addiction along with being heavily bullied made me feel like I was inferior, like I’m not enough, like I’m not man enough, like I’m worthless, and made me have a shitty self esteem, and always put other people on a pedestal while putting myself down telling myself I’m not enough I’m not enough. And sometimes I have these frustration episodes, and feelings of mental pain, and sometimes tears running down my face, because I think I’m not enough. When really I think I’m just making all this shit up in my head to fuck with me when it’s not actually true. I remember specifically at 11 years old, I built a frame around where I kept telling myself that I was ugly and no girls wanted me and I’m not good enough for females. As I got older, I understood that wasn’t the case and had plenty of women wanting the D, but the issue was me, I didn’t have security with myself, my masculinity, and my self worth.
TLDR: imposter syndrome despite having such a great life.