1. Timing is out of your hands

She could have a boyfriend. Her pet just died. Lost her job. Visiting from out of state. Recently disease diagnosis. In a rush. Late to an interview.

If it's not the right time, then it's not the right time. She has a life and you're asking for her time and attention in that moment. She might not be able to give it to you. Sometimes there's nothing you can do to overcome this. You guys can click super well but she's moving next week.

The overwhelming factor that determines if you get her number/instadate etc. is out of your hands.

  1. You should not be "overcoming" anything

You're just there to see what happens. What she's about--her personality. You're not there to say the perfect lines to hypnotize her. If there's something there between you two, great. If not, just as good. It would've have worked out anyways.

  1. You can say no, too.

Yes... even though you're the one approaching her, you can also say no. Often times you won't even find her as attractive close up as from far away. When you get close and say hi, and you get a better look at her, you are allowed to just tell her whatever and leave. "That's a cool jacket". And walk away. You don't even have to say anything.

Her attitude, too. If she gives you some snobby look, and you know she currently has a stick up her ass, then you can walk away. You do not have to continue and "try" to do anything. She also has to win you over. Anything you say or do can turn her off. Same goes with her. It starts with her first reaction. Is she friendly? Open-minded? Or does she give you a look like "I'm so hot. Every guy likes me and they have to win me over because I'm a queen"?

How she reacts says a lot about her. The look in her eyes.

If I sense anything I don't like, I walk away immediately.

I say no first.

  1. Every other guy there wants to approach her.

They're all checking her out. Trying to gather the courage to talk to her. Otherwise they've already given up on any notion of it. They hate that feeling of seeing such a beautiful girl and not being able to do a single thing about it.

When you do approach her, they admire you for it. Even if it doesn't work out between you and the girl, every guy around has seen, and they're all wishing they had the courage to do the same.

  1. You DO have to be aware of the social context.

No... you're not going to go up to a girl in a quiet college library where everyone is studying, and use a loud opinion opener when everyone around you is trying to study. If it's late and she's walking to her car in in the parking lot, you're not going to jog up from behind and then stop her with your hand out. There's different types of openers and styles and each one is only effective for the current context. Using the wrong type of opener/approach for that specific social context is what makes an approach/opener creepy.

  1. Approaching requires both boldness and savvy.

Even though you need to be aware of the social context, you must also push the boundaries within that context.

The boldness is the part where you don't care how you look and what others think. The savvy is the part where you don't make a scene or make her feel scared of extremely uncomfortable. In other words, there IS a balance--a fine line here--and the more successfully you walk that line, the more successful your approach, because it's a line most guys are unable to walk.

7. You are afraid to approach because you don't like uncertainty.

You don't like not knowing what's going to happen.

That's really it.

What if this...

Or that..

Or this or that...?

Yeah, what if?

It's not fear of what other people think.

It's not fear of rejection.

It's not any of that.

It's the unknown.

  1. What's the worst that can happen?

As long as you're not being an idiot and hitting on her right next to her boyfriend, and being respectful of her space/boundaries, then the worst thing that can happen is she'll say no.

  1. Not taking action makes you feel terrible.

That feeling as you walk away, or when you're driving home... like you're not enough. Knowing that you let your fear control you. Imagining having her number in your phone, texting back and forth later. Taking her out. Discovering what she's like. All just a fantasy mocking you.

  1. Taking your shot makes you feel great, even when it's a no.

You did something that scares you. That 99.99% of men will never have the guts to do. You took your shot, and have no regrets.