I’ve learned in life that sometimes to get good at things you need to learn what NOT to do. So I am going to point out in this article some of the stuff I’ve seen loser guys do that ruins their game. Some of you guys may be doing these things. I definitely have.

1) You are too aggressive The biggest issue I see with PUA guys is that they are way too aggressive and pushy. I mean, I get it. You wouldn’t be doing PUA if you weren’t a horny, desperate animal. But the whole challenge of “game” is knowing when to put your foot on the gas and when to back off. It requires sensitivity, emotional intelligence and experience. The concept of “assume attraction” only applies when the girl isn’t giving you any clear signals or if she is being wishy washy. But when she is making it clear that she is uncomfortable or that you’re coming on too strong, you need to back off. Not just to improve your game, but also so you don’t get arrested, beat up, thrown out of places, etc...

I know some of the PUA community in my city. I’m nice to them but if I see them out when I have girls with me I always avoid them because they are way too pushy. If I’m with a girl I always introduce them to guys, but every time I introduce girls to PUA guys the PUAs hound them so much we need to leave and go somewhere else. Even after the girls make clear they aren’t interested the PUA guys will not stop. I don’t want to generalize all PUA guys, but I’ve seen A LOT of PUA guys and they are 90% like this.

2) You make assumptions and pre-judgments about people When I go out with regular losers (not PUA losers), the most loserish thing they do is make assumptions about the girls there and psych themselves out. They’ll say things like “all the girls here are stuck up” or “the girls here just want a guy with money.” They will literally say that based on nothing but just the way the girls look and in that way they justify to themselves not approaching. I even lived with one super-socially awkward guy who would make the most insane generalizations about women. He would literally say things like “all women are bitches” or “girls on the east coast don’t like me, I do way better with LA women.” To a rational person that obviously sounds crazy and delusional, but that’s the type of fucked up shit the male mind will come up with to justify his failure with women.

Here’s the solution: DO NOT JUDGE WOMEN. You don’t know anything about them, so judging them by their appearance is the most fucked up thing you can do not just to yourself but to them as well. Human beings come in all types of weird configurations and just because a woman looks a certain way doesn’t mean she is a certain way. The hot blonde with the big fake tits may secretly be a video game geek. The super hot “ghetto” black girl might secretly be attracted to short Asian guys. I’m 33, and I have seen so much weird, crazy shit that I literally do not believe any stereotypes about anybody anymore.

It’s not just guys that do this – girls do it too. I was actually out last night with some girls and one of them pointed to a guy and says “he’s hot.” I said “do you want me to introduce?” And she goes “no, he’s a pretty boy asshole.” I got mad at her for judging him like that, because she literally said that based on the gel in his hair. That shit makes me so mad.

All that said, it’s ok to make judgments about people sometimes. Like, if a homeless guy walks up to you in the middle of the street, he probably wants money. But you need to be careful to not judge people unless you absolutely need to because really you are disrespecting them and creating excuses for yourself to not approach.

3) You're not making a deep enough connection Whenever a guy gets flaked on and complains about in on this sub, it’s either because he’s being too aggressive or because he never formed a deep enough connection. Think about this way: if you’re a hot girl tons of guys every day are going to approach you and try to fuck you. The only way you can separate out the wheat from the chaff is 1) some guys are just so fucking incredibly good looking and awesome that you can’t resist them and 2) you form deep emotional connections with them. There are very, very, very few guys in category #1 so to stand out you have to form a deep emotional connection with them. Honestly, if I’m out and I’m talking to a girl and she’s into me but I have to leave before we form a deep emotional connection I won’t even ask for her number because it’s not worth it. A phone number by itself doesn’t do shit for me if she’s not going to call me back and she’s not going to call me back if we haven’t formed a deep emotional connection.

Storytime: One night at a bar I was approached by a super, super hot girl (think 8, 9). She was super into me and we had a really fun conversation. After about 20 minutes, however, her friends came and told her they needed to leave. I got her number but she said “I’ll be honest with you, I have to think about whether I’ll call you back. We didn’t really talk enough.” And she didn’t call me back. You would think I would be upset but I learned a very important lesson. Even though this girl approached me and was super into me, she STILL wouldn’t call me because we didn’t form enough of a connection. That’s how much a connection is important to a woman. Shit, if you don’t form an emotional connection to a woman she will probably forget you.

4) You make excuses to not approach Back when I was younger, my friends and I would have a terrible ritual. We would get all psyched up to go out and approach but when we got out, my friend would use excuses to not approach anybody. “She’s not hot enough,” “she’s not my type,” “maybe after I’m drunk,” etc... This would go on all night and by the end of it he hadn’t approached anybody. Now, I don’t believe in approaching every single person you see, but a lot of those excuses are just your brain trying to get out of approaching.

The solution? Approach SOMEBODY. Just say SOMETHING. Even if its just to talk. You may not want to even fuck her but it’s better to talk to a fat, ugly girl than to wait around all night for the girl of your dreams, who may never even come.

5) Your ego will not accept any criticism Here is a cold hard fact about men: a man’s self-esteem is intimately tied up with how he does with women, so men have a hard time accepting that they suck with women or that they are doing something wrong. Men also constantly lie, both to themselves and others, about how much they get laid and how much girls like them. The most dangerous part of this ego trip is the fact that a lot of guys can’t get better because they can’t admit that they’re doing anything wrong. I’ve seen it a million times. I’ve seen my friends act like beta dorks all night and when I call them out on it they’ll say something like “I know what I’m doing, bro” or “I get lots of pussy man.” Just because girls fuck you every once in a while doesn’t mean you know what you’re doing or you’re doing the right thing. You always need an open mind and be ready to ditch strategies and actions that aren’t working.

6) You’re an asshole A lot of guys use this stupid logic in their brain “girls like assholes (or alphas, or whatever), so I should be an asshole.” Ugh. No. Just be nice, no matter what. There is nothing more alpha than being happy, nice, joyful, positive, etc... Randomly being an asshole to a stranger you just met is not alpha or cool in any way. Most women will see right through it. Same goes for negging. I hate negging. Teasing is great – it shows that you have an “edge,” that you’re funny, that you’re not a pushover, and that you’re not going to take any bullshit. But if you ever say mean things to a girl IT HAS TO BE CLEAR YOU ARE JOKING AND IT IS BEING DONE OUT OF LOVE. Once again you have to use your emotional intelligence and see where her boundary is. Let’s say I’ve been hanging out with a girl all night and we’ve been laughing and having a great time. If she tries to push a door that says “pull” I might say “someone needs to call the retard bus.” She’ll laugh because she knows I like her and I’m joking. But if I call a girl a retard I’ve been talking to for 5 minutes she will probably think I’m an asshole and reject me. It’s all about context.

Here is a hilarious story. Me and my super socially awkward PUA friend picked up some girls one night from a nightclub and we were driving back to their place. At first his girl liked him way more than my girl liked me so they were cuddling in the backseat while I was driving in the front. Suddenly I hear from the back seat I hear the girl say “did you just neg me??” I couldn’t stop laughing. The guy was like “no, I didn’t neg you.” And she goes “yes you did. I know what a neg is. You just randomly said something shitty that had nothing to do with anything. Fuck you.” I ended up hooking up with my girl and his girl ditched him because of his failed attempt at negging. I LOLed.

Personally, I can tell when a guy or a girl is trying too hard because they are being an asshole for no reason. If I’m at a party and I see a girl is being an asshole to me for no reason I know she likes me deep down so I will just ignore her until she breaks and starts being nice to me. Most girls won’t do that though – they will just reject you for being an asshole.

7) You’re playing games This is similar to the asshole point. If a girl feels like you are fucking with her or playing games, she will reject you. She may still like you, but now you’ve created this weird distrust between you that will cause her to be shitty. There is a lot of shit on PUA websites about what games to play (stupid shit like text her 2/3 of what she texts you). That stuff is fine if you want to do it, but if she can tell you are TRYING to look cool then it’s over. The whole point of games is to make her feel like you are living an awesome life with a bunch of other girls available and you don’t need her. But if she can tell that you are TRYING to look like that then its fake and she won’t buy it. Not only can she now see that you don’t ACTUALLY live an awesome life with a bunch of other girls on deck, you’re actually a desperate asshole that is playing weird games to get her to like you. Fail.

8) You talk to women like they are stupid A huge mistake I see guys make is that they talk to women like they are stupid or little children. I don’t know if its in our genes to go stupid when we see a beautiful woman, or socially ingrained misogyny, but the IQ of many guys literally drops 50 points when talking to a woman.

The solution: Don’t talk to women like they are stupid, or childish, or weak. Obviously, don’t sound like a pretentious asshole by rambling about shit she doesn’t know anything about, but speak to the top of her intelligence. Also, don’t act feminine around women to make them like you. Women are attracted to men. If you act like a woman, why would she be attracted to you? When I go out I see tons of guys dancing like clowns or booty shaking or doing other childish or feminine shit as if women want a clown to entertain them.

9) You try to make women like you based on shit that is not YOU By this I mean you try to impress women with your job, your money, your car, etc... DO NOT DO THIS. For one, if you are a hot girl you’ve been offered everything under the sun. If you’re a 7 and you go out a lot, you’ve been offered trips to the Caribbean, Lamborghini rides, thousands of dollars, etc.... So nothing you can offer a woman will ever impress her. But more importantly, when you try to get a girl based on buying her shit, that says to her “I’m not good enough for you as I am, so hopefully these extra incentives will make you like me.” That’s bad news. The message you WANT to send is “I am offering you my time and my presence. That’s it. Nothing else. Take it or leave it. If you don’t want just me by myself go somewhere else.”

Also, don’t brag. It never works. Like I said, women have seen everything and nothing impresses them. And anything impressive about what you have is automatically negated by the fact that you are trying to gain her validation by bragging. Instant fail. In fact, I would go so far as to say that if you have anything impressive going on, keep it a secret until she absolutely has to know.

10) You beg If you ask a woman to do something and she says no, drop it. Don’t beg. I shouldn’t even have to say this but I see guys begging all the time or saying shit like “laaaame!!” when the girls say she can’t do something. That stuff never works and it makes you look needy. If a girl says no to me I just say “ok have fun!”

11) You think she “owes” you something Until she agrees to be your girlfriend, girls don’t owe you shit. They don’t owe you a conversation, they don’t owe you loyalty, they don’t owe anything, even if you bought them a bunch of shit. Men are naturally possessive and they will naturally feel like if they’ve talked to a girl for 30 minutes or if they bought her a drink she belongs to them. You need to be able to walk away from a girl at any time and the way you do this is by realizing that SHE CAN WALK AWAY FROM YOU AT ANY TIME.

Storytime: One of my friends had an afterparty at his apartment one night and it was lame. It was like 5 dudes. One dude invited a bunch of hot girls and they showed up – 4 super hot girls ready to party. They stayed for one drink and then left. Right when they left the guys were all like “those girls were bitches.” Uh no – they weren’t bitches – you invited them a lame afterparty and they left because it sucked. Why are they “bitches” for leaving your shitty afterparty? They don’t owe you that. If you invited me to a lame afterparty I would probably punch you in the face, steal some shit from your apartment, and cum on your doorknobs.

12) You feel like you need to “win” the conversation The point of talking to a woman is to fuck, not to “win” or prove her wrong or prove you are better than her. If she says something stupid or wrong, don’t call her out or fight her on it unless it will make for a fun conversation.

Storytime: One night I was in a taco place right next to a super fancy New York City nightclub. There were two super hot model-looking girls in there getting tacos and two well-dressed guys walk in. The guys start hitting on the girls and they start talking about where they are from. One of the girls says “I am from Chicago – we have the best tacos there.” Then one of the guys says “I am from LA – we have the best tacos.” Then the guy started arguing with the girl about what city had the best tacos and the argument got pretty serious. His friend tried to defuse the argument but the dude would not let it go. He had to let this bitch know that LA had better tacos than Chicago.

Now, anybody that knows anything knows that LA has the best tacos in America and you have to be a fucking moron to think that Chicago has better tacos. If one of my friends tried to tell me that Chicago had better tacos than LA I would probably have to murder him and bury his body in the woods. But if you’re trying to fuck some supermodels in New York City, LET THE FUCKING TACO ARGUMENT SLIDE. What do you have to gain by proving to this stranger that LA has better tacos? You’re not even in LA OR Chicago. I felt so bad for the guy’s friend because he was clearly ruining their shot at the two models just to make his stupid ass “who gives a fuck?” point.

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