23 year old virgin looking for change

yurifca · 2020-04-28T23:56:57+00:00

Simply approach.

It's not the solution you want to hear, but it's the only way. You need to learn how to talk to woman in a confident way (aka seduce) and you will fail in the first attempts. Be willing to endure those initial failures, because they will teach you what you will need to do better in the next conversations.

You can't become a boxer without taking punches and you will not get into a relationship without approaching and talking to strangers, specially attractive woman , and failing to do so.

highinhibition · 2020-04-28T22:29:08+00:00

If you go to a prostitute you will feel different fo 2 months and then you will feel like a virgin again

creativ4art · 2020-04-29T04:13:04+00:00

Fk the social norms man. This whole stigma about being a virgin, penis size, body shape whatever are stuff put out about by immature morons and idiotic media that has led people to believe its real. Just live your life and don’t think about anything else. Do what feels right with your morals and people will respect you for it. Comparing yourself with others always ends up in regret. Fear of missing out - FOMO

New_INTJ · 2020-04-29T00:15:54+00:00

The best I can tell you is you're not alone. My advice is probably headed in the right direction but should be taken with a grain of salt, as I'm almost 25 and also have yet to experience the intimacy you're describing. At times remembering this truth is painful. I try not to think about it any more than necessary, as I think it could be motivating under the right circumstances and despondency inducing in others.

If you're anything like me, the modern dating environment is a struggle because of everyone's apparent expectation of physical intimacy before / even without psychological/personality chemistry.

But Maybe you can harness this one concept to your advantage:

As I reflect upon the opportunities I've had (the times I walked into the realization sex was almost inevitable,) they've ironically had one thing in common, which is I wasn't that invested in the outcome. If it led to sex, great. If it didn't whatever. That was kinda of my mindset.

The first time was way back in high school. We went on a few dates. One night we started sexting but nothing became of it because I didn't feel we had much chemistry. I was also a dumbass and even less socially aware then I am now.

A year ago I had my first quasi relationship at the very tail end of college. But once again we didn't really vibe and things only barely got physical. I ended it way beyond the point I should have.

More recently, I was with an attractive Swedish girl I met the same day. We went back to her place after an evening out. Hell, we were even snuggling half-drunk on her balcony at 2 AM but I just couldn't bring myself to escalate.

In all of the above instances I wasn't invested in a particular outcome and wasn't caught up in a mindset of forcing myself to act a certain way, the way I usually am. I was just along for the ride and treating it as a learning experience.

Hopefully you can take this concept and run with it, and when the moment strikes, take action that I could not.

Best of luck to you friend. Remember that the summation of your value as a person has nothing to do with the number of people you've slept with.

stumje · 2020-04-28T22:12:54+00:00

Heal yourself my friend I sense you have experience some tamura less your confidence with women

ALangeOrange · 2020-04-29T04:54:03+00:00

I feel you, but it’s honesty the build up until you’re a virgin, after that you feel proud and accomplished for a moment and go back to normal and find out nothing but an organic experience of life (super fun one tho).

Getting laid w a women sums up to how comfortable they are around you that they don’t mind sharing this organic experience because frankly they have ample more options than you.

I’d recommend you go out, meet someone or seek help from your friends acquainting you w someone or be social in parties/events and talk to strangers without fear of rejection, once you get over this fear its very simple; talk to a lady, not hitting it off? move on, next.

Stay away from online dating if you hope its going to solve your virginity problem, as you are making your virginity your problem, hopes and expectations of constant online clutter will make you more anxious about your situation trust me on this.

When you finally meet that person with attempts in the real world, be open and not afraid to talk, your goal is to make them comfortable with you, once y’all are cozy you can talk about proactivity and ideas of togetherness, you can share you haven’t done it with anyone maybe that can take it of your chest and you’re not actually anxious when the time comes for being in bed with her. Savour your relationship and understand this organic experience, the person you share it with, grow together.

Don’t ruin this in the hopes of getting down with multiple women, its the idea that society has incepted in your mind its not your own. You have a life time head of you to have multiple sexual partners, but sure there comes a point after meaningless sex with people you feel drained and seek something intimate and real where you worship the lady.

RichmondVA74 · 2020-04-29T11:19:37+00:00

You need a wing man

imxort3451 · 2020-04-28T23:32:14+00:00

Bro I was a virgin until 22, and I’m 23 now. I had sex with 15 girls in a year since and I’m a very shy dude. You just have to go on some dates and no longer than 2 or 3 dates have sex with the girl. Try to get as many hookups as you can because you lose that fear of women very fast.

REVENGEBLA · 2020-04-28T23:21:32+00:00

Do you have a female friend that can help you practice with self confidence?

j1xghost · 2020-04-29T01:37:35+00:00

Work on yourself. Physically i.e. exercise and diet, mentally i.e. confidence and education on the subject matter. Then approach girls. Fail. Approach again, fail again. Every time youll learn till it happens. Best of luck

fatratlover · 2020-04-29T06:30:26+00:00

So I’m a 25 year old female. I’ve been married for 2 but my husband and I have an open marriage and we’ve been together about 5. We have the same sort of perspective on sex, which is basically there are two different types. Emotional and purely physical. Some people NEED emotional attachment before they can be sexually aroused (Demisexual) and some people can just fuck to get off. You can enjoy both together or separately, but you sort of need to know what type you are before you can attempt to have a sexual encounter. At least to be successful, in my opinion.

You mentioned in one of your comments that you assume you’re attractive and you don’t seem to have confidence issues. Maybe it’s just purely anxiety to perform. And you’re probably making it harder on yourself by focusing on it so much.

To be completely honest, your first time will probably suck. It’s pretty common. No one really knows what they’re doing their first time. It’s awkward and sweaty and it’s full of anxiety. BUT. It can also be fun and exciting and full of new experiences. And with the right person it can be super intense and you can take your time and just enjoy the journey. You need to be comfortable with the person. And I’m all for FWBs. It’s easier to be comfortable with someone you’re already friends with. And be honest with the person. I’ve been with a few virgins and it’s okay to ask to take it slow physically. You don’t have to do it all at once. Try to find someone who can show you how to take it slow.

Lastly, it is okay to stay a virgin lol. You’re not on a time restriction. No one is in charge of your body except you. I was 18. My ex-BF was a jerk and never ever tried to please me. I was always horny but never knew how women enjoyed sex. I always just had to finish myself after he fell asleep. Once I started seeing other people it was like a whole new world opened up to me.

Sorry this was so long😂

ztheb721 · 2020-05-02T08:10:10+00:00

Hey man I feel you.

I wouldn’t try to work on yourself too much. It’ll be a turn off to a girl because she’ll think you’re trying to be something you’re not.

I’d say you have to be patient while at the same time taking advantage of opportunities when they come.

Know you’re gonna mess up at times, feel like a failure or an idiot. We all do. I still do just more rarely.

When you’re with a girl work on being comfortable in the discomfort. Don’t pressure speak. You have to have faith that conversation will naturally flow.

If you’re ever stuck with a girl about what to talk about, there is a secret trick. Ask questions. If she answers with some detail ask a follow up question about what generally interested you from her response.

Remember have faith and know failure and mistakes are inevitable. But that’s okay.

manonpoint_com · 2020-04-29T00:39:04+00:00

What are your sticking points? Are you getting girls out on dates and not able to close? Are you not getting girls out on dates? Are you not meeting women? Not talking to women? Knowing where you get stuck will make it much easier to help.

ModernShaker3 · 2020-04-29T09:11:20+00:00

Just go out there and create your own roadshow.

Don't be afraid of rejection from girls.

Just try and introduce your shit. Be Polite. Try and try until your confidence busts in.

nsanzHPC · 2020-04-29T11:48:56+00:00

Many times people use the label "social anxiety around women" but is it trully what is going on?

how do you target any other "problem" in your life? what are your strategies when it comes to stressfull situations?

Problems with women are oftend not trully about women, but they are problems about how people act in moments of stress. Do you freeze during stress? do you escape? do you shine?

This is good news, because you dont need to tackle a problem regarding a mythical creature (ergo women). Its about realizing your reflexes and strategies when it comes to stressfull situations, and putting in the work to do something about it.

good luck!

brainlesscanadian · 2020-05-01T00:50:32+00:00

Real models by Mark Manson - changed my life forever

SSCookieLover · 2020-04-29T02:06:48+00:00

Get a hooker? :)

dhruva76 · 2020-04-29T00:04:42+00:00

Alright, Idk how much of a help I would be but let me try, so I am a 20 year old virgin too studying In uk as an international student, and I certainly do have difficulty talking to women I wanna approach or am found off, Like I can talk to most of the people but not the people I am found off, which makes me slightly similar.

But this is what I observed in my past few years, I was a fat kid till 17 and have lost and gained weight 3 times going from obese level 3 to obese level 1 ( which was alright I think according to the BMI machine I don’t trust much in my gym) and I observed a pattern girls approaching me way more when obviously I am fit and healthy, but as I have similar issues of social anxiety around women I find cute or hot, I didn’t take those offers and rather just ran off ( for which my friends REALLY really wanna punch me in the face).

One other thing which I think helps a lot is GROOMING, yes it takes time effort and money, but you will see the change in seconds, I have curly hair but I had them short an year ago, and have been growing it since then and oh my the amount of times I have been told that they are just perfect or awesome is pretty high

Now coming to the part where you have to build confidence and learn how to approach, I have recently started doing it and noticed it, You can Do it with the help of TIDER OR BUMBLE, I never though I would but I got about 250 matched in about over a month, yes around the world, but what I am saying is even though that number is not too high, They are like trial and error you start a convo and see how it goes (I personally read about how to open a convo on tinder and others around the net and reddit) so by the time you reach 250th match you At least have some grasp how to talk and what to talk, although beware most of the convos will have dead end bc usually you ask them out in a day or two of talking or after a few liners, but then obviously due to COVID - 19 its quite impossible and not the right thing to do anyways.

So to summarise 1 - WORKOUT and get your self a healthy body, its probs hard rn as I am loosing all my gains but whenever its possible, I would still suggest healthy diet which you can follow rn and start with a home work out if you can

2 - GROOM your self, try different styles and look sharp with the beard and hair, and it will do you wonders, my suggestion let your hair grow rn as it doesn’t matter anyways, a good barber can make you the Chris Hemsworth of your Neighbourhood avengers ( I tried 🤷🏽‍♂️)

3 - try the tinder thing as everyone is anyways on it and you got most of the time in the world rn I assume

4 - take your friends help, if you got a friend who can be a good wingman, ask him to help you out, Because why not?

I hope that was any help, I can assure you you will start getting approached, bc if I can get why can’t you, the bigger deal is on how to smooth talk back to her and you and get rid of that social anxiety, well lets work-on it together after the covid 19, thats was What I can say

(Also if you use tinder correctly you will get a few hookups as well for after we get out pf the lockdown)

Also I think drop the idea of multiple plates, Bc even if you get the game you will just be another douche bags, my advice read and learn about sex while you are at everything, I am not saying you will be johnny sins at your first but, I have had multiple sexting experience and have talk to my female friends, knowledge about it is the key, “it not about the number of girls but about the number of squirt” 🤷🏽‍♂️😎

ALL THE BEST MY FRIENDS, don’t mind my english or spellings bc for starters its 5:35 am and That It’s not my first language PEACE OUT ✌🏽

Title	23 year old virgin looking for change
Author	ShadowSage44
Upvotes	32
Comments	54
Date	April 28, 2020 10:01 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/g9wnyb/23_year_old_virgin_looking_for_change/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/23-year-old-virgin-looking-for-change.1494744 https://theredarchive.com/post/1494744

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