EDIT; holy shit this was way longer than i intended.. oh and its my cake day??

Hey guys. This post is specifically targeted to people that feel like they could be getting more out of their game, but feel like their introverted side could use some work. My biggest problem has always been getting comfortable talking to strangers even though i feel confident that, once the conversation starts, I can usually close.

So i wanted to share an insight I've recently had that may help some of ya'll out. It has to do with this idea that you always hear about; "being in state". Basically what it means is that you're in the best possible mental state for meeting and picking up women. I've recently discovered this feeling and what I've realized is that it feels very different than i ever expected it to feel. I'm going to try to give an example of what it feels like, and I'm going to tell you my personal way to get there.

First off, it's subtle. Don't expect this feeling to slap you across the face. You've probably been there without even knowing it. I know I had. Its just that feeling where words come out and you don't think about it. You're impressing people effortlessly and, perhaps most importantly, you're comfortable and having fun. (Notice i didn't say "impressing WOMEN" I said impressing EVERYONE. I'll get more into why i think that's an important distinction in a bit.) Point is, it will happen when you're NOT THINKING ABOUT IT. I'm a huge believer that the unconscious mind works better for certain things, and over thinking stuff is usually counter productive. In terms of pickup, over thinking can completely kill your game. I can't give you much more specifics than that in terms of how it will feel because i think it will feel different to everyone. If you're comfortable and doing well in a social situation, DON'T DISSECT THE FEELING. Just roll with it. Become best friends with it, and look for it in the future.

Key point; it will feel different to everyone, so don't focus so much on my specific words of how it feels when I'M in state. All language does is make it easier for us to communicate things, but sometimes words don't express the true nature of the things we're trying to talk about. Being "in state" is a perfect example.

Now how i get there; First off, like i said, it will happen when you're NOT thinking about it. Consider the first time you got drunk, or smoked pot. You probably took a puff or two and asked yourself; Am i stoned yet?? Maybe you took another puff or two and still don't feel anything. But the moment you stop asking yourself "am i stoned yet?" is the moment you realize you're on the fucking moon. This is why I think its important to REFRAIN FROM DISSECTING YOUR FEELINGS while performing pickup, unless they are negative feelings. By that i mean, if you're feeling good, just roll with it. If you're feeling bad, ask you're self why. Dissecting a feeling will quickly make that feeling go away in my experience. This is why its important to let it happen naturally.

So specifics; its a lot easier than you may think. Just talk. Talk to everyone, NOT just the girls you want to pick up. But be strategic about it. Start by talking to dudes if you need to. Its less pressure than that cute girl, right? Talk about what ever you need to, but try to be as natural as possible. Sometimes its necessary to have a few small-talk bullshit-type conversations before it will be really flowing (as a self described introvert, i fucking hate small talk, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do). The thing to look for is a certain momentum. Notice, but don't dissect this momentum. It should feel easier and easier each time you talk to someone. Once you're starting to feel it, talk to some girls that you find decently attractive. I like to start by talking to girls that i'm not incredibly attracted to. This allows my momentum to keep building. It also kind of bumps your confidence. You'll notice that when you talk to a girl that you're not attracted to, she'll be/seem more attracted to you. This will make you feel like anyone is available to talk to (anyone IS available to talk to). This is the momentum I'm talking about.

I think one of the keys that people need to understand here is that IT GETS EASIER (even within the course of one night). it wont take the same mental fitness to keep talking to people. The hardest conversation will be the first one. The second hardest will be the second, and eventually you will be fluent and speaking more comfortably to total strangers than you ever thought possible.

One last thing. I want to get you a specific reason why i think its important to talk to EVERYEONE, even people you don't have any interest in ever seeing again. As an introvert, I think it is key; My biggest problem is feeling like I'm faking it. I feel like by making small talk, I'm not being true to myself. Similarly, i felt like only showing attention to the hottest girls in the room was shallow and transparent. I felt extra pressure to be super confident because i thought "If I'm only going to talk to the hottest girl, i better be perfect from the first word" Now, maybe i'm just making that up in my head (perfect example of me over thinking things), but I can't make myself into somebody that I'm not. To me, being fake causes a kind of cognitive dissonance. I can't be in state when i'm not feeling true to myself. Girls see right through it. I've been blown out many times trying to "fake it til i make it", but when i let my body and mind do what they do best on their own, girls can't get enough of it. This is why its important to be genuine and have many conversations. This leads me to my last point (promise); THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING A CONVERSATION. This may seem simple, but its profound. I used to have problems because i was always concerned about fucking the girl i wanted to fuck. If you go into it with the end goal being to have a good conversation, i PROMISE you will be better off than if you went into it with the intention of fucking the girl later. Don't even consider sex as an option. I know this is classic "don't be outcome dependent", but i think some people have a hard time seeing what that really means. Focus on the mental connection, not the physical.

Now for my quick field report. Saturday night i went out to a show and literally had no intention of hooking up with a girl. I hadn't seen my buddies band play in a while so i decided to check them out. I told myself that i wanted to socialize as much as possible, regardless of if i would up going home with anybody. So i see this gorgeous older girl (found out she was 33, i'm 23). I've never hooked up with a girl that much older, but I've ALWAYS been a big fan of older girls. Plus, this girl had one of the most rockin bodies i've ever touched. I told myself, I'm just gonna talk to her and try to make a real connection, and i really don't care if i wind up fucking her. Before i talked to her i did everything i mentioned above. i talked to other girls and guys and bar tenders and close friends and i was just feeling it. The 33 yr old and i wound up really hitting it off. At a certain point she asked me for my #, which i was pretty surprised about since i usually try to make the # move. She left the show for about 30 minutes before she texted me saying "I'm coming back, you better still be there". The rest of the night was just a really chilled out, comfortable hang sesh with this sexy older chick. I wound up going to her place and spending the night. We didn't wind up having sex but she wanted to, and we each still got off in other ways. In fact, it was one of the hottest hook ups i've had that didn't involve actual sex. (I have a long term fuck buddy and we recently had an STD scare. I didn't have a condom so i just couldn't in good conscious have sex with her) This girl said many times that her favorite part of the night was just talking to me. We talked about some really deep things (she has a masters in psychology); we talked about the nature of consciousness and the role it plays in our everyday lives (obviously it plays a huge role in pick up ;)), as well as some of the more formal "where are you from?", "what are your interests?" We talked about genuine things and I think that was the key. I focused on connecting with her on a mental level by talking about things that i love to think and talk about. Being passionate is extremely sexy to women. I got two other #'s in the same night, and i was very attracted to both of those girls as well. It was a good night.

TL;DR - Talk to everyone, don't over think it, be yourself, even within the course of one night it will get easier. This is how you get "in state". Be passionate.

Hope this helps some of ya'll! I know you've probably all read a lot of the same stuff before, but a different perspective is always good.