Approach Failure

StrikingImportance39 · 2025-01-12T15:06:25+00:00

Do warm up sets.

Like talk with random people. Ask for directions. What time is it etc.

It helps for me to relax and be in social mood.

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-01-12T15:23:42+00:00

Warmup and 3 second rule (or 1 minute for some people). Just approach. Last week I approached a set of 2, I just said hi and asked them where they heading. To my surprise the hottest one said “to the Gap Store.” I was like “Can I come?” They looked at each other and laughed, but the same woman replied “sure why not.” I ended up spending time with them for like 40-45 mins.

I don’t usually approach on weekends tho. From my own experience I can see that weekends are for “couples and families”, this is why I understand when you said “rarely saw single women alone.”

AssistTemporary8422 · 2025-01-12T23:02:05+00:00

As others have said warmup sets can be very helpful. Even better just do the warmup sets and maybe just go out and ask where something is or give a compliment. Accept that the only way to truly stop giving a fuck is to approach enough that you get desensitized. The three second rule of just approach within three seconds or don't at all can help you jump in the water. Practice mindfulness and be in the moment focusing on people's faces rather than getting too much into the emotional highs or lows or anxious thoughts. Give yourself affirmations, play music to amp you up, and try some positive visualizations. Maybe give yourself a treat after successfully approaching.

It can also be helpful to talking back to negative thoughts. Question thoughts that horrible things will happen if she doesn't like you. See negative things that happen as character building and learning experiences. You can also have default lines that you say no matter what. Have the mindset that you have a lot of value to provide so you are doing them a favor by talking to them and if they don't like it thats their problem and they are missing out. See the win as saying no to your anxiety rather than getting a positive result and just see this as practice rather than taking this personally.

DaygameCode · 2025-01-12T16:29:18+00:00

You are in denial when you say “i wasn’t feeling anxious” because you actually were. Avoiding behaviours is a clear symptom of anxiety and telling yourself you didn’t have anxiety is a way to avoid confronting emotions that are overwhelming.

You need to listen to what anxiety is trying to tell you. Anxiety knows approaching women can lead to uncertain outcomes some of which anxiety believes can be catastrophic. And if the girls are not by themselves, but with a friend, anxiety sees this as an even greater risk.

The presence of a friend amplifies the fear of judgment or rejection, not just from one person but from two or more. Anxiety might be telling you that you’re worried about being embarrassed in front of othersX or that you’re afraid of looking foolish if the interaction doesn’t go well.

It amplifies the potential social pressure and makes the situation feel much bigger than it actually is.

Instead of letting anxiety dictate your choices, acknowledge what it’s trying to communicate which is “put yourself in the shoes of those girls”. Ask yourself what are the objections women might feel?

The group of girls may feel tense because they came out for a “girls-only” outing and are not expecting to interact with men.
They might also wish the guy would wrap up the conversation quickly if you don’t add value to it, sl they can continue theirs before you interrupted them.
They may not want to feel obliged to give you their attention simply because you initiated the conversation.

These reasons could naturally lead you to feel anxiety or fear about approaching girls. Therefore, here’s a strategy to address these concerns:

Show Empathy: “Hi, I usually avoid interrupting conversations because I understand you came here to enjoy time with friends, not to engage with guys.”
What: “However, I wanted to make an exception because i wanted to tell you something”
Time Limitation and implied consent solicitation: “_real quick_”
The girl says: “Ok what is it?” (consent granted)
Why: “The thing is that you caught my eye as you shine like a star, and I’d just regret it if i didn’t try to meet you real quick. My name’s Ernes…”

What did we do here exactly?

Empathy allows you to connect with someone’s emotional experience by putting yourself in their shoes, either through emotional identification (feeling what they feel) or cognitive understanding (seeing things from their perspective).

This fosters trust and shows that you genuinely care about their reality, not just your own. By acknowledging and validating their experience, you create the foundation for meaningful connections and are more likely to receive polite and respectful reactions, even if they are not interested.”

A time limitation or time constraint, helps them relax by ensuring they know the interaction will be short, alleviating some of the tension from the sudden intrusion. Take in mind that, you don’t wanna invade their group for too long.

Asking for permission acts as a conversational hook, creating intrigue or curiosity to want to hear more, and giving them a sense of control, making them feel less pressured.

Giving a reason why evokes emotions, making them more open to the idea of engaging with you.

On the rare case, that the girl said that “she doesn’t wanna hear what you have to tell her” and thus denying you the consent that you solicited, you simply say smiling politely: “_That’s fair enough, I understand. Thank you though!_”

Title	Approach Failure
Author	ExtremeMap6563
Upvotes	5
Comments	5
Date	January 12, 2025 3:00 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1hzoh2u/approach_failure/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/approach-failure.1541012 https://theredarchive.com/post/1541012

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