You demonstrate 'value', you demonstrate 'status', you get attraction.

When you're comfortable and relaxed, your voice naturally resonates from a deeper place in your body, you naturally hold eye-contact, you're expressive and fun, you feel good in your body and therefore don't 'need' anything. your body is loose and you don't look like you've got a stick up your ass, etc. In other words, through being relaxed you sub-communicate status - you communicate that you are accepted, you communicate that you're 'allowed' to do the things you're doing. You don't have to balance on the edge of a knife when she likes you; why does she like you? Having self-esteem is pretty cool.

The opposite is true; if you don't feel good enough, you don't feel entitled, that is very clearly apparent. It doesn't matter what 'techniques' you throw out there, it's in the 'honest signals'. The comparison, the judgment, everything that isn't serving you to relax, is undermining you. The person thinking about where they stand in the hierarchy is the not the person at the top.

It's all frame control. I've always been well-dressed, in my tailored patterned overcoats; now you seem like a right goofball when there's just some guy in a hoodie who's more relaxed in the situation, is naturally louder, more engaging, 'higher status', you seem overdressed, you seem like you're overcompensating and trying too hard. Conversely, the other way around, you're the anchor point of 'what you need to have self-esteem' and people feel they're under-dressed and need to 'step up'. Which is true? It depends who is establishing themself as the most dominant. How? By being the most relaxed with themselves. Self-esteem + Selective focus = It doesn't matter, just do you.

So Milkman, how do I acquire this elusive confidence? The goal is to become comfortable putting yourself out there, not get results; paradoxically, you get results through being comfortable (and therefore sub-communicating positive traits) but you have to be more focused on the process. It's about making yourself feel at ease, making yourself feel good, not getting things. You can attain this on a 'per night' basis through 'building action-taking momentum' and getting into 'state' but on a more holistic, life-changing front, you have to become more comfortable with who you are.

Moral of the story: you feel 'good enough' for the girl, or not. The cool thing is that there's no particular criteria why you should or shouldn't feel good enough; however, you can't 'win' from low self-esteem, you can't trick people into thinking you're cool, you can't seem 'high status' to that one girl you like while you're fundamentally the same self-doubting person.