When the rapper Snoop Dogg was asked about what it was like to perform for 400,000 people at the Live Aid concert, Snoop said “when I am on stage, I am in the zone. I pay attention to the crowd, but I lock into me – I am always engaged with them but I do not look at all those people because that shit will throw me off.” You should take the same attitude in social situations. The focus of the social interaction should be your frame and emotional experience, so you must take the lead, set the emotional tone and agenda of the conversation, and ensure you are having fun first.

In social situations, most people base their behavior on the other person’s reactions – but being reactive means you are letting the other person set the tone, agenda, and frame, and women do not find that attractive. Imagine the greatest rock band of all time, Led Zeppelin, was booked to do a concert where the audience was a bunch of hip hop fans who had never heard of Led Zeppelin. No matter how the crowd reacts, Zeppelin must still play their regular show. The crowd may like it or they may not – at the end of the day Led Zeppelin knows they are good. Of course, in every show Led Zeppelin probably tailors their act a little bit to what the audience wants, but again, if they abandon what made them great, they will definitely fail.

You must think the same way with woman. You must assume you are the Led Zeppelin of guys (or whatever your favorite band is) and have confidence that the show you are putting on is awesome, and if this particular audience does not like your show other audiences will. Of course, you are probably not the Led Zeppelin of guys. You are probably more like a shitty garage band at this point. But you still must come out and rock the house and put your heart and soul into your show because playing the four shitty songs you recorded in your garage are still better than doing what she tells you to do. As we will learn, the whole idea of holding frame is following your own purposes rather than letting her take the lead. And as you practice and get better, more and more women will like your show.

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