Being alpha and nice?

cheddarchexmix · 2010-12-11T22:02:19+00:00

People constantly confuse being alpha and being a dick. First off, you have to be totally congruent, which means if you're acting in any way that isn't truly yourself, your game will be terrible. Develop your game around your real personality, not some persona that you are pretending to be.

I'm really nice but I also joke and tease people a lot, which I've done all my life. I don't neg very much, but sometimes it's the best strategy with girls who have themselves on a pedestal. Nobody has ever called me a dick. If you get called a dick, you're doing something wrong, unless your friends are just jealous.

Eskebabs · 2010-12-11T22:18:23+00:00

Being nice doesn't equivocate to being beta, it's just a trend. David D seems to be pretty nice and he's gotten more ass than a donky farm.

If the ass hole comments are working alright for you and you're not losing friends or anything, then you maybe you don't want to change. But if that's how you primarily bond with people, you could run into trouble in the long run. The book "How to Talk to Anyone" and "How to Win Friends and Influence People" mention many times that the 'big winners' are generally nicer than you are letting on. Not less dominant, just nicer.

I'm struggling with this myself. I typically use asshole jokes/observations as a crutch for my inability to shoot the shit like normal. I'm just re socializing myself till I find a mentality that suits me better.

ryno55 · 2010-12-12T03:38:22+00:00

Are you talking about being nice to your friends or nice just to the ladies? I would recommend both but you can be the "nice guy" to your friends by talking them up/DHVing them so they don't have to seem try-hard when they are with a girl, or doing little things for them - just be thoughtful. Same thing with the ladies just be thoughtful about what they need (emotionally and physically) and the nice will come out by itself.

2010-12-12T20:21:23+00:00

Women like the nice guy for being nice, the reason they don't end up sleeping with him most of the time is that he isn't in control of his life. Many nice guys are in fact nice because they figure it's the road of least resistance, NOT because they're philantrophists! Now when you consciously stop being nice you may end up making more room for your own will, for the way you want things. Women will be attracted to that more than to the version of you that functioned in a reactive, defensive and overall passive way. Even though you're being a dick - not because.

I'm right with you in the pursuit to be nice and "alpha" at the same time. In my mind a nice Alpha follows his own path, acts on his independent will at all time. However, his will doesn't include hurting people like an insecure jerk does. I've learned that being nice to a certain extent can be incredibly enjoyable. And a guy who enjoys himself will always be desirable.

gentlemanofleisure · 2010-12-12T21:30:31+00:00

in my experience, really tough guys, guys who can kill you six ways before you hit the floor, never act tough. they just don't need to.

being alpha and nice is the same thing. if you really feel good about yourself then you won't need to put others down to build yourself up. in fact, you'll want to help others to feel good about themselves because that makes them more fun to be around.

if you face your fears and insecurities relentlessly and never back away from becoming better, you'll have the confidence that you are on the right path. then you can be nice to people because you genuinely want them to have fun.

RedErin · 2010-12-13T22:09:29+00:00

It's just them being beta. You're fine. You're not being an asshole.

Title	Being alpha and nice?
Author	bankingstudent
Upvotes	3
Comments	21
Date	December 11, 2010 9:47 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ek8ap/being_alpha_and_nice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/being-alpha-and-nice.1313649 https://theredarchive.com/post/1313649

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