Being genuine and vulnerable WITHOUT being too eager and needy? Is there a line here?

brianbria · 2017-11-27T00:33:32+00:00

Great fucking question. This is the real problems we need to be discussing more as a community imo. Because I got in the dilemma just recently, and my heart is crushed.

I realised my mistake. I didn't want the girl I needed the girl. Extremely unattractive. I needed her because she gave me something I lacked in my life. (Cuddling, hand holding, physical intimacy, closeness) I could get sex, but the closeness and intimacy was foreign. I opened myself to her, and I almost fell in love, but it was a needy love, and probably not even genuine since it was based on filling myself up and not actually an outward expression.

Therefore the solution is identify what you NEED from this girl, and find other ways of getting those needs met. Make sure you are fucking other girls, make sure you have people hugging you giving you closeness, make sure you love yourself etc. Then the girl becomes the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. Then you want her but not need her. And this is attractive. And you can be vulnerable about how much you want her and like her company, and it will be fine. You won't need to act like you don't want her, in fact showing her your desire is very attractive, and girls love to be wanted.

If you are needy however, and you can't find other ways of getting your needs met, you'll probably get rejected or friendzoned like me and go through some hurt. Either way you'll learn.

recyclablebanthas · 2017-11-27T05:45:45+00:00

____1____

_a_

On one hand, there's this whole 'PUA' school of thought. Be a badboy, don't show too much interest, keep her chasing, etc. "If you give yourself up too easily, she will go for someone else who can keep her chasing."

Couple problems with this mindset.

It's based on fear. Fear that you are not enough, and if you're not continuously making yourself unavailable, then she won't want you. If you don't play games, then she'll leave to find someone who does.
It's catered towards screening out all women except for manipulative ones and/or ones with tremendous amounts of baggage.

_b_

On the other hand, I want to be genuine...loving...and caring to the girl I've been dating. I don't want to be a "nice" and overly eager guy though.

Nothing wrong with any of this. It's okay to be genuine, loving, and caring. But then it's also important to have fucking boundaries. Being loving doesn't mean that you let people walk all over you.

____2____

_a_

And I'm worried that if I don't show enough interest or attention to her, then she'll find someone who does.

Funny thing about this mindset and assumption: it will lead to you screening out more balanced girls, in favor of someone who NEEDS constant attention and is insecure without it.

_b_

At the same time, the "PUA" side of me is saying "Don't give yourself up so easily to her or she'll lose interest in you."

This is wrong also. Too far the other way. Here, you're talking about never really connecting with her, because you're always holding something back.

Showing interest is actually polarizing: it has the effect of immediately screening out girls who are not interested. Leaving you with girls who are.

What playing games (all this "not giving yourself up too easily" stuff) does, is screen out girls who don't want to play games, and leaves you with girls who are more manipulative.

____3____

But I want my girl to know that I do DESIRE and WANT her. But how do I do this in a way that's not too eager and needy (which is stemming back from my PUA/RSD mentality).

Just have your own damn life.

Socialize. Don't make a girl, or meeting girls, your only context for socializing. Have a thing you do that comes packaged with socializing. Like a partner dance. Or another sort of mixed group that meets regularly to socialize around some sort of activity.
Overall, take care of yourself. You have shit to do during the day, or you should. You shouldn't have time to sit around your phone checking messages or constantly being in communication. Of course, it'll happen sometimes, but just put the phone down for most of the day and get on with life.
The girl is a part of your life, not your whole life.

daygamer0911 · 2017-11-27T00:29:44+00:00

To assume seduction should not be genuine is a false dichotomy.

Title	Being genuine and vulnerable WITHOUT being too eager and needy? Is there a line here?
Author	vocalson20
Upvotes	6
Comments	7
Date	November 27, 2017 12:00 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/7fqy2c/being_genuine_and_vulnerable_without_being_too/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/being-genuine-and-vulnerable-without-being-too.1437513 https://theredarchive.com/post/1437513

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