Can someone concretely explain what it feels like to be self-validated, and how to get there?

TheMangoPeople · 2012-03-09T06:31:28+00:00

Honestly, when I go sarging it kind of sets me on a natural high. I look around the room and I know I can do whatever I want socially... I watch other guys fail, act strange, lose their confidence and I know this isn't me. I look around and I know I can approach any girl in the room... and then I just approach... it's a great feeling... knowing you can do something with ease that other people have difficulty with... This is how I honestly feel when I'm in the field... I never have thoughts like...

1) "omg, this is a cockfest"

2) "theres no hot chicks here"

3) "that chick is hot what should I say to her"

4) "these other guys are so much taller/better looking/etc than me"

5) "shit there's 5 guys talking to the girl who checked me out"

6) "what opener should I use?"

7) "I hope I don't embarass myself when I approach this girl..."

8) <insert random thought fucking with my head here>

The only thing I'm thinking is:

1) "God it feels good to be me, I bet every guy in this room wishes he could live in my world for just one day."

4FF41R · 2012-03-09T17:08:54+00:00

[read aloud every morning as soon as you wake up, and every night before going to bed. More often if necessary]

STOP GIVING A FUCK

I don't want or need any validation.
I don't want to compare myself to other people.
I only control my actions, the rest doesn't matter.
I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of me.
I am internally validated, and my self esteem is impregnable.
I am a man of authentic self-esteem.
I am no better than anyone else.
I know that others' thoughts only affect themselves.
I do not care what anyone thinks of me - it truly does not matter.
I only see the world through my eyes, the rest is irrelevant.
I don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of me.
I am the coolest motherfucker on the planet as far as I'm concerned.

mileshigh_23 · 2012-03-09T06:38:07+00:00

This means you don't feel the need to impress anyone. At all. When you achieve this, you feel very comfortable and secure with every action. It definitely comes across in your game, and girls can smell it a mile away.

I go in and out of it. Tonight I was feeling "self actualized" for part of the night, especially after number closing an HB9 on the sidewalk haha. But at work, stressing out a bit today, I was definitely not feeling totally self-validated.

How do you become self validated? Become COMPLETELY and UTTERLY comfortable with getting rejected. That is your goal in pick up. It's not to fuck hot chicks, not to become super social. It's to be ok with rejection. Everything else will organically follow suit.

Edit: also, CBT techniques such as closely examining negative thoughts and replacing them with more realistic thoughts has been very valuable to me. "Feeling Good" by David Burns is highly recommended; I think every.single.person could benefit from these techniques.

2012-03-09T08:05:01+00:00

Being self-validated is like having a barrier between your mind and the influence of others. You realize you have been given a choice of either succumbing to your negative thoughts, or destroying them to see your most positive outlook. Once your mind is riding that positive thought stream, you become unstoppable. The world around you will start to make more sense. It's like the universe is constantly telling you that your mind and body are the most important things in your life, yet you will have increased compassion for the lives of others. You will stop feeling guilt, self-pity, helplessness, and depression. You will take control of your life. Those who reach this level of mindfulness and are able to fuel it, are those who will succeed and make the most of life. People become aware of your awareness and will often look to you in hopes of having it rub off on them, or hoping that you will share some kind of secret. There is no secret really...

throwawaysedditqwe · 2012-03-09T14:32:30+00:00

I didn't have low self esteem, but was able to improve by repeating a mantra of complete self-acceptance just before going to sleep, just after and at random times during the day: "I deeply and completely accept myself". Meaning you accept all your faults and failures but work on improving anyway (if you want). Another good phrase to say to yourself is 'i give myself permission to fail' just before an approach for ex.

daftmau5 · 2012-03-09T20:30:02+00:00

I don't know really, it was sort of like a switch being turned on for me. One minute I was, just below average I would say in terms of confidence. And now, I just walk down the road thinking I am a boss.

I don't know if it is just the old, "you tend to see things more once you think about them"? For example, if you were getting a brand new car that was green, you would start noticing more green cars similar to the one you were getting.

But I have noticed girls checking me out a lot more recently

goqo · 2012-03-09T06:56:02+00:00

It's self-hypnosis, I guess in your words. I'm 17. Used to be the typical loser with no self esteem who hangs out with the gamers. Still am a typical loser who hangs out with the gamers. But I feel bad about it anymore. Inferiority is a self fulfilling prophecy. Once you stop THINKING you're a loser, you start finding ways to stop being a loser. I really don't know how to explain it, but it's a gradual change. It happened over a year and a half for me, just gotta believe in yourself first.

lolwhatsausername · 2012-03-09T07:32:27+00:00

My interpretation of self-validation and what I think it feels like is being able to have fun in any situation and not worrying about what other people think about you. Also, valuing your opinion above all others

Apex_Fail · 2012-03-09T13:41:31+00:00

"Barney Stinson wishes he was me" - Your new mantra.

All jokes aside, I went from rather uptight and constantly worried about making exactly the right move/comment/whatever to having enough confidence about myself that I genuinely feel like I'm in control of any room I walk into. Like many of the comments on here have already said, you have to quit the negative thinking. Start the night by looking in the mirror before you head out, tell yourself that you look like a million bucks, and keep this mentality. Self reassurance leads to self-validation and eventually true confidence. It takes a bit of practice to not let yourself have ANY negative thoughts towards yourself but it pays off in the long run. I constantly have friends ask why I'm dressed up when we go out to the bars or whatever and my usual reply is "Because I look good." Simple things like that will make it easier for you. Self-validation is feeling good about yourself in any situation despite what anyone else has to say. Keep up the internal monologue of positive thoughts and eventually nothing can phase you (rejection, someone's smartass comment, etc) because you are enjoying yourself.

2012-03-09T18:07:05+00:00

Being loud, talking people's ears off, and constantly negging can make you look just as insecure as the chode with his back against the wall not talking to anybody. They both want validation. The obnoxious guy wants to be the life of the party but he isn't, and the chode wants people to talk them but they won't. Stop wanting things, eliminate desire, stop setting goals for your nights. Keep telling yourself "no big deal" (I got this from the viceguide to dating). Girl doesn't want to talk to you? "No big deal" go talk to another girl, douche mocks you in front of people? "No big deal" laugh with him.

Do you see where I am getting at? If you set goals and you don't achieve them you'll beat yourself up. Instead stop giving a fuck. Nobody responded to your approaches "No big deal" I just came here to have fun and dance anyway. Nobody can get you down if you have that mentality.

Title	Can someone concretely explain what it feels like to be self-validated, and how to get there?
Author	TheMangoPeople
Upvotes	5
Comments	16
Date	March 9, 2012 3:19 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/qocqe/can_someone_concretely_explain_what_it_feels_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/can-someone-concretely-explain-what-it-feels-like.1329614 https://theredarchive.com/post/1329614

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