So last night I went to a language exchange meetup event that I’ve been to many times. I really like the regulars there so I don’t want to shit where I eat.

There’s a Finnish girl there who always shows up. Lately I’ve talked to her a bunch. Last night very few people were there from the meetup, but the bar is packed and loud. I’m at a couch with her and 3 other guys, but it’s 3 of them talking and me and her locked into a conversation.

Here’s the problem. I felt like I was getting a lot of good signs. Sitting very close to each other, faces close, notice her twirling her hair (maybe just a habit?) and no bad vibes from light touching. Eventually it’s just us alone on the couch. In any normal situation, you escalate and eventually get the kiss. However, the content of our conversation shifted where I just felt like it was a terrible idea to escalate.

She saw I used a language exchange app, and talks about she got assaulted on there. Dude smacked her, grabbed her neck, knew where she lived, etc. Then she talks about how she’s had multiple situations in the past 3-6 months where men follow her on the late night train or attempt to follow her from the station. Again, the physical IOIs are good, but she’s telling me about all these scary situations with men and men betraying her trust. Also telling me she doesn’t want to date anyone while she’s living abroad (only here for like a year). Eventually it gets late and we both leave.

Should I have just escalated anyway? I feel like it was a bad idea based on what we were talking about. I didn’t feel comfortable touching her legs, hands, or neck like I would normally while we talked about that stuff or even when we drifted away from the topic. Am I wrong? Any advice or personal anecdotes would be helpful.